My partner (ADD) and I (not ADD) are currently working our way through the couple's seminar.  We actually did it live, but life got in the way about week 3 and we weren't able to keep up - so now 6 months later, we are trying it again on our own.  We're getting pretty close to doing the Chore Score section, but I am really struggling with what to include here. My partner works full time - often until 8 or 9pm a night.  He keeps saying he wants to come home earlier, but often can't because he over slept and didn't get in until 10am so needs to make up the time (plus just dealing with the standard ADD lack of efficiency challenges).  I work part-time (I full weekday, 1-2 evenings a week and/or half a weekend day), homeschool, sit on the board of our homeschool organization (and as such coordinate a large learning co-op), am working on my dissertation, and have a couple of other small volunteer responsibilities. We have 2 teenagers, a 9 yr old and a 3 yr old (and 2 grown kids).  I honestly believe that I either do all the household chores or I manage the kids doing them.  I do all laundry (except for my 16 yr old, and the middle 2 put theirs away), all shopping, all food preparation unless the kids are doing it when I am not home or my partner doesn't like what I made and then he makes his own, nearly all kitchen cleaning except for unloading the dishwasher, all bill paying, all mowing and taking care of hiring out other yard work, bathrooms, general organizing and cleaning, the kids and I rotate around sweeping, moping, vacuuming, and I make sure they've taken care of the cats and done the trashes (the only 2 things in the house I pretty much never touch, but I always have to be aware of them).  My partner is essentially only responsible for the "honey-do" list of household projects that are literally years behind what they would ideally be for our family (i.e. he was going to build a swing set when we moved in 3.5 yrs ago, but hasn't gotten to it and several of the kids are now pretty much too old).  But it isn't because he isn't doing anything (most of the time - the late nights/difficulty getting up is an issue), it's just that he is so incredibly inefficient and resistant to strategies to change that that it will literally take him 20-50x longer to do something that it would me (side projects, indecision, etc).  So for example - I've desperately needed him to organize his stuff in the basement (electronics and musical equipment) for a month now because we are hosting a class in the basement - this is a project that should have taken at most a weekend.  He spent all day Sunday going through old hard-drives to catalog them leaving the rest of the huge pile of electornics in the middle of the floor.  It's not that the hard drives didn't need to be cataloged, but there was no hurry - he could have put them in a box labeled "old hard drives" and come back to them during a family movie night or some such.  But if we're doing a "Chore Score" does he get "credit" for those 9 hrs?  That I spent dealing with kids, making 3 meals and subsequent clean-up, organizing the next homeschool year and trying to get some work done on my dissertation?  Does hours spent at work count?  What about hours for my research?  What about homeschool related activities - and only if it is for our family specifically and directly or those that I do to help run our group (which is an important part of my children's expereince?  What about when I take them to their social activities?  Classes, etc?  And what about the emotional and mental labor of keeping track of all of this?

Thank you!