I found a great book.  Alone in Marriage by Susie Larson.  I bought it a couple of years ago just because of the title.  Is there anyone married to someone with ADHD that doesn't feel alone some of the time or all of the time?  She writes "My purpose isn't to improve your marriage or even change your spouse."  I think every other book I've ever read was trying to do one or the other.  She has a section on "Weights that Wear You Down" with chapters on anger, worry, fear, and self-pity.  I found myself re-reading the chapter that corresponded with each changing feeling during the last couple of weeks.  I'm now working on the section of "Weights That Refine" including chapters on disappointment, loneliness, imperfection, and waiting.  I know that even after I finish this book it will stay on by bedside table.  It has helped my feeling of hopelessness and I now try to turn my disappointment into a dance floor.  This book is written for women but would probably help men also and even help those that do not have an ADHD spouse.