Hello, I haven't been on this board for a LONG time. But I had been very frequent writer here for years. This site has been a big help for me to have a place to come and write out my venting and challenges with my ADHD husband. In January of 2024 he died unexpectedly. I was in denial and didn't trust my thoughts or feelings. I didn't know what I thought or how I felt other than confused and gob-smacked. We had been married for 50 years.
I wanted to write something with insight of someone my age and situation. Yesterday I went through some boxes of old memorabilia (I'm trying to clean and disperse with a lot of stuff). Here is something real I can share that I know. When I look at pictures of him/us before we married, I gut-feel all the love I had for him and all the trust I had in myself then. It feels good and real and right. I am still in love with that young guy. When I look at the early photos and letters/cards I kept as keepsakes, I can forgive myself for being where I was/am. When I look at pictures of him and me after we were married for a short time I see the strain in my eyes remembering the daily tears.
I have no words of wisdom yet. This is just a "Hi". I will try to find a perspective to share. But I wanted to check in and say to you all..... "You weren't dumb to have been in love. It really was there at one time. Things change. People change."
I am going to put newly framed photos of him as that young guy in my house...not that old guy who caused so much disappointment. Photos where we were both truly smiling in our eyes. The love WAS there then.
I have 2 children and 2 grandchildren - what a blessing to have people to love.
Comments
Both sides now
What a beautiful post. I wish you joy looking at these old photos of "when the love really was there" :'-)
Dear Jennalemone
This moves me so.
I’m sorry for your loss. Figuratively and non-figuratively. I share your journey from deep love and trust to disappointment and distrust.
It’s heartbreaking.
I’m glad you’re on the forum to share your insights.
Condolences
I'm so sorry for your loss, Jennalemone. What a terribly hard year you must have had.
I have not shared this here yet, but my ex-husband also passed 3 months ago. I am still reeling, devastated and doing my best to support our grieving daughter who lost her dad at much too young an age. I very much relate to what you wrote about still being in love with that young guy. The bad was real but so was the good.
Thank you for sharing and I hope you are doing okay. I'm so happy to hear you have the love of your children and grandchildren in your life.
Melody
I’m so sorry to hear this too. Melody, I know how hard you’ve worked to support the relationship between him and your daughter.
What a cruel twist of events. I’m sorry for your loss. I think of you.
Thanks, Swedish
I really appreciate your kind words. It has been an unbelievably painful time. His parents are still living even - it all feels so shocking and unjust.
I didn't have the strength to reply to your post about grieving, but if your ex husband needs you because he becomes unwell, just believe that you will know what to do when the time comes. Your heart will guide you. At least for me that was the case and I have a feeling we're pretty similar. :)
I can’t imagine
I can’t imagine how hard this must have been.
Hugs ❤️
Hi Jennalamone
I'm sorry for your loss, truly. I can understand the bitter sweet feelings of gaining peace and losing something in return. There's no free lunch as they say...
Hoping the best for you regardless of where your life takes you in the future.
J