I'm a wife, going on two years now. Before and after marriage we've had some difficulty with staying focused and attentive during...sometimes intimate moments. Which admittedly lead to feelings of disconnect and sometimes frustration. Thankfully after a LOT of work, we managed to maintain a comfortable and open space to talk about such things. Though it took plenty of trial and effort.
That included setting aside specific times for intimacy, incorporating different forms of stimulation (including toys, one of which was this which I love so far) or finding alternative ways to express affection and our bond.
It's had its ups and downs, like when a change in medication seemed to boost my sex drive (which my partner at first appreciated) but then lead to other issues popping up due to the increased frequency. Yet it there are periods where I realize that it is in fact getting easier. I'm proud of that outside of the obvious things regarding the bedroom.
I just wanted to share, and wanted to see experiences from others.
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Comments
Opposite
I think this is awesome! Great to hear. I struggle as the guy right now cause my drive is a 10 and her is a -10 haha. She doesn’t care for even basic touching and I’m starting to lose my mind.
Learning how to navigate changes in intimacy
I appreciate the open discussion on intimacy. I have been on the roller coaster of affection with my partner getting love bombed and now nothing for weeks. I understand the ups and downs related to his ADHD but it can be very hard to be on the other side wondering when he is going to be interested in it again. When I try to approach the discussion, he gets defensive and I know has feelings of inadequacy. I’m trying to be understanding and gentle with my approach, but he doesn’t really want to discuss it. Any suggestions would be helpful. I miss the earlier days!
Keep us updated?
First off thank you for adding to the discussion. I get where you're coming from, and it's very mindful that you're aiming for a gentle approach. Just keep in mind that these feelings can go both ways, and you're trying to have a discussion with your partner about your feelings, not any misgivings.
I'm sure you've tried initiating more, and haven't gotten the results you've gotten. Dealing and comforting feelings of inadequacy can be...tough. The only real answer is constant gentle affirmations, and time. In which case, I hope things have gotten better. If it's actual physical affection and intimacy you're after maybe try and organize more "dates" between you two. Whether it be a night out, or on the couch with a movie. That makes it easier to lead into the types of actual physical comfort you're seeking.
Hope this helps!