"Art without intention is just an accident"
This was a phrase I learned long ago about doing art which is absolutely true. If you're just throwing paint on a canvas ( or whatever ) and it just happens to come out looking okay, there is no intention, that's just an accident. Like rolling the dice and hoping it comes up the numbers you want. That's just gambling, it's not a calculated risk. Same idea.
I'm finding, that setting a specific goal, with a specific intended outcome, and staying true and consistent to that singular goal, despite the obstacles in your way will eventually come to pass if you stay on course. Using this as a football analogy would work extremely well but I'm finding its also working with me and my ADHD ( or any other ) symptoms. Being consistent, as to your end goal, is what you want. That doesn't mean being perfect. Striving to be perfect (always) actually can get in your way and cause a lot of anxiety.
Consistent means...most of the time, but staying on course even when you fail. That's my goal.
And even if the person you're with has a 0 tolerance attitude...it's still not the goal or the intention in other words....that would be perfection.
I'm simply reflecting back on what has worked with me. My SO holds herself to perfection standards which is difficult to ever attain. That also carries over to me at times, which for her...is a sign that "I'm not doing ( it ) ....what ever it is.
By staying consistent ( with intention ) to what I want for myself....eventually she's seeing that I'm not perfect...but good enough. That's a departure from 0 tolerance....to a compromise between black and white to some shades of gray. I'm a shades of gray person ( most of the time ) so that's good enough for me too.
This seems to be working. I can live with that and it appears she can too.
PS. It's also working the other way with her. When she defaults to something like a belittling comment ( happened just the other day ) the fact that she's not doing it the vast majority of the time makes those moments easier to swallow and just let it go. Allowing her to be wrong ( grace ) is a big part of it. She actually apologized later too.
The best way to stay out of a fight is not getting in the ring in the first place.
Honesty goes a long way....
Submitted by c ur self on
When our relationships end up in mutual reasoning or judgments as it relates to what makes each other tick...It's a clear indicator that the nasty truth isn't humbly being communicated....When we lose (or never have) the ability to speak self truths to each other, no matter how much we would like it to be different, we just revert to ton's of unfounded assertions as we look for answers.....Like the old commercial use to say..."A mind is a terrible thing to waste"....But that is exactly what happen's when someone you're attempting to cohabitate with is speaking one thing, but, living out something all together different...Maybe that is the reality for many of us human's, we just have no ability to own our reality...I think there is a great void (black hole) in many human's ability to see themselves like they can see someone else....Maybe it's just to painful...We see the person we desire to be so much better, i think that makes sense...I hope I can do better than that....I think when I truly have moments of clarity of myself...It helps me to have grace for others, and also shows me how much I need to depend on Jesus...
c
Art
Submitted by Swedish coast on
I happen to be deeply interested in art and creative processes.
It's funny, but most art I appreciate, is made with a very light touch. The artist has made themselves a vessel, allowing something to happen beyond their control.
I don't know if this applies to other things. But as C says, we might try so hard to be that better version of ourselves. It's difficult and painful to be less than you wanted. I imagine the determined work might not always help us achieve perfection. Instead, at the times I've felt most accepted, most loved, I too did whatever I did with a very light touch.
Grey shades are good enough for me, in fact I marvel in the complexity and beauty of us being so many things at the same time.
What I couldn't live with was crucial information being withheld, emotional and other dishonesty. The person I trusted hiding behind a mask.
I think he did it because he was afraid to show his true self. That I'd judge or dismiss him. That he needed to pretend to be someone I could love and respect. That thought is still so painful.
Finesse
Submitted by J on
That's the light touch. In my work, the ones who "need work", we call them heavy handed. I always tell people that if you're having to use a lot of muscle, you're usually doing something wrong.
Finesse comes from making what you're doing fit the piece...not trying to fit the piece to what you're doing.
Oregon Ducks, Big 10 Champions ( Football )
Submitted by J on
"Making what you're doing fit the piece, not, trying to fit the piece to what you're doing"
This may sound like an obscure post about football, but it's much more than that. This post is about a universal truth....a secret of the universe...about how God works.
When you do things in alignment with universe, things always seem to work. When you don't, things don't work as well and its an uphill battle.
Last night, the University of Oregon Ducks football team played the culmination of their season this year with a 13 - 0 record and winning their conference championship. They ran the table on every team they played including the best three teams the conference had to offer who were also considered the 2nd, 3rd and 5th best teams in the entire country. They were the 6th team in history to ever accomplish this feat. And yes, I'm partial because this is my almamater but that has nothing to do with what I talking about. Neither does football for that matter.
All the sports writers and pundits were making predictions and many had chosen the other team to win. They compared the stats and records and the other team had higher numbers in certain areas. The betting odds in Las Vegas only gave Oregon a 3.5 point advantage so the two teams were very evenly divided in most areas and were actually outmatched in a few areas too. By all means, it was supposed to be a very close game.
What ended up happening was the Oregon team came out and went ahead from the first play and never looked back. They were ahead by 21 points at one stage and the vast majority of the fans ( for the other team ) were kind of shocked. The game they played against Oregon ( and the points they scored ) would have beat nearly any other team they played except Oregon. Oregon went above and beyond that, against a team that on paper, was almost exactly matched in every way. So how do you explain this and account for their ability to do this when all things are even?
"by making what they did fit their opponent, not, making their opponent fit what they were doing "
I listened to a commentary by one sports pundit this morning...and basically it's exactly what he said. This is the magic in other words. Their ability to adapt and change, and do something different for each team they play...specifically designed to do exactly what they need to do, depending on the each individual team they play...instead of just playing the same game they always play no matter what the opposing team does. They may not have the best stats, the best ( most talented ) players, the biggest players or the strongest players....but they do this one thing better than everyone else, and now they're the undefeated Champions. The only undefeated team in the entire country. ( out of 134 )
And this was what the one expert said as to: how did they do that ?
Which is exactly what I said in my previous comment. Which is why I brought it up. I think you can universally apply this to almost anything...and it'll still work. Rarely do you get to see it in action as profoundly as it happened last night...with consistently the same results every time.