Forum topic: Managing Emotions in ADHD: Anger and Frustration

Managing emotions like anger and frustration can indeed be challenging for individuals with ADHD. The condition affects impulse control, emotional regulation, and frustration tolerance, making it easier to become overwhelmed by strong emotions. Here are some strategies that may help:

1. **Mindfulness**: Practicing mindfulness can help individuals become more aware of their emotions and responses in the moment.
2. **Cognitive Behavioral Techniques**: These techniques can help reframe negative thoughts and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
3. **Structured Routines**: Establishing structured routines can reduce the unpredictability that often triggers frustration and anger.
4. **Professional Support**: Seeking therapy or counseling can provide valuable tools and support for managing emotions.
5. **Understanding Emotional Dysregulation**: Educating oneself about the link between ADHD and emotional dysregulation can be empowering and help in developing effective strategies.

These strategies can positively impact relationships, work, and self-esteem by providing better ways to manage and cope with strong emotions. If you need more detailed information or specific advice, feel free to ask!

between ADHD and emotional dysregulation has been an ongoing topic for research for me. The most common introduction to any article you find reads something like this:

"Research suggests that emotion dysregulation is present in all three subtypes, though people with the combined type appear to be at the greatest risk for emotional symptoms (Hirsch, O., et al., Scientific Reports, Vol. 9, No. 5639, 2019). “Not all people with ADHD have [emotional] difficulty, but it’s very common,” Rosen added."  

To make matters worse ( in the same article ) it says this: 

"Bigger feelings

In adults, emotion dysregulation is correlated with the severity of other ADHD symptoms (Beheshti, A., et al., BMC Psychiatry, Vol. 20, No. 120, 2020). Yet prevalence estimates vary widely. One analysis of several studies concluded that 30% to 70% of adults with ADHD, and 25% to 45% of children with the disorder, have significant emotion dysregulation (Shaw, P., et al., The American Journal of Psychiatry, Vol. 171, No. 3, 2014). Even more might experience emotional difficulties that do not rise to the level of clinically significant dysregulation. “We consistently see that about 25% of kids with ADHD have normative emotional expression, while the remaining 75% have some type of emotion dysregulation,” said Karalunas, who is following children with ADHD and emotion dysregulation in longitudinal studies.

That dysregulation can look different from person to person."

I say to make matters worse because that's not exactly helpful in explaining just one person...or....two.  And why this is of particular interest to me is explaing where I fit into this scheme, so I can understand my SO better. The one thing I know for sure is: I cannot necessarily use myself to explain my SO's behavior because we're so vastly different in some very specific ways yet, we both have ADHD. I'm also saying this because these specific differences are very difficult for me to even understand let alone, try to deal with them. And there's one or two where I'm simply at a loss...when trying to compare them to myself.  And my Inabilty to deal with them is mostly, comes from my own inability to understand.

In this same article, I read something new that was an "a ha" moment for me.

"That dysregulation can look different from person to person. Karalunas’s work suggests there are two common presentations in children with ADHD. Kids in an “irritable” subtype have higher levels of anger, sadness, and fear. Those in the “surgent” subtype display a kind of emotional impulsivity and overexuberance (Psychological Assessment, Vol. 31, No. 2, 2019). While children with combined ADHD are unsurprisingly more likely than those with inattentive ADHD to fall into the surgent group, all three subtypes are at increased risk of dysregulation, Karalunas said. “The irritable children have a short fuse. They get upset about small things, and take a long time to let it go,” she added. “Surgent children’s excitement can overwhelm their thinking and lead them to act without thinking about the consequences.”

Wow. "Emotional impulsivity and overexuberance" and  "surgent subtype". This describes me to a "T" as a child and to a certain degree, me right now. I definitely can still get overexcited especially in conflict. I'm constantly being accused ( and have been ) of getting "agitated" which is really just that. Getting over excited which I'm sure....still comes across as overwhelming, and combining that with anger or even frustration would be viewed as "agitation". That's been a frustrating thing, when you're really not "agitated" in the sense that its really more like being super annoyed! 

"The emotionally impulsive children react very strongly to both positive and negative events. “Their emotions are turned up to 11. It’s either the greatest day of their life or the worst day of their life,” he said. “But typically, those emotions are not very long-lasting and don’t necessarily have significant impacts on their well-being."

Again, this is hitting pretty close to the bulleye as a kid....and even now.

Then there's this: "The irritable children have a short fuse. They get upset about small things, and take a long time to let it go."

If I had to bet, I'd put a lot of money down that my SO was in this subtype as a kid. I say that because this is how she is now. And these are exactly, specifically, how we differ yet we both have ADHD.  

I can add to this which makes this even more telling to me. In general: I don't get upset at small things, I definitely don't have a short fuse, and I don't take long to let things go. ( most of the time )

Which I find interesting because she's constantly telling me to "let it go"....when she's the one who needs to let it go more than me! ( most of the time ).

This, is actually useful information.  It told me more about me, than most things I've read. It also helps explain how my SO and I are so different.  Also, more useful in helping explain, specifically,  the parts about her that I don't always understand...even though we both have ADHD.

This is just the tip of the iceberg.