Even though, I'm not feeling exceptionally generous at the moment, I wanted to share something that I just noticed the other day. I hope, I can convey this in a way that will actually make sense. It actually does make sense to me, but I know, not e everyone thinks like me.
The other day, my SO was getting ready to leave for work, and in a passing comment said "I'm feeling mean". I immediately made a comment back saying " well, I couldn't tell? ". That's not sarcasm, she was being quite agreeable and showed no signs of being "mean". I complimented in fact, for being so nice considering how she felt.
This is where I may lose people but this is just how my mind works.
How can a person feel "mean" ? Seriously. "Mean" is not an adjective that describes a feeling? Maybe in Blues Song...."I woke up this morning, feeling mean...". "Mean Woman Blues..." etc.
Even if you try to Google "describe mean as a feeling". You get no real answer.
There is an expression that says "he doesn't have a mean bone in his body " ....which relates mean to your body, which is where feelings come from.
But can a "bone" be "mean" ? No, thats ridiculous bones are not mean.
But, people can be mean. As in, "mean spirited".
If you look up mean behavior, you get:
Saying or doing hurtful things
Lacking empathy for others
Being stingy or ungenerous
Being petty or malicious
Being offensive, selfish and unaccommodating
Wanting to do harm to others
Where I'm going with this has to do with people who have ADHD and how they get in the morning. I believe, this is what was happening with my SO....as I've read testimonials of people with ADHD describing what they feel like first thing in the morning.
You might even say, in context to that expression, she has mean bones in the morning....which also makes absolutely no sense what so ever.
Why this is interesting to me is what I just read about this. About 80% of people with ADHD are like this in the morning. That leaves 20% who are not. Of those 20%....a common feeling in the morning is saddness...which I fall right in line with.
I never feel mean, or angry in the morning....which is why this is so interesting. Saddness yes. Mean no.
And to be fair, I recognize the effort my SO was making. Despite feeling "mean"...she wasn't acting that way. She wasn't doing anything on that list if behaviors....despite feeling mean...even though in the past...she has behaved that way at times.
I see that as effort of her part...in trying to get along. Also, in awareness....for actually saying what she was feeling even if it doesn't actually fit to a feeling at all. The bottom line was....I couldn't tell.
Comments
Mean People Suck...
Which is a bumper sticker I see on occasion. A thought just occurred to me on this topic. It's not just relevant, it's extremely poignant to me in particular.
Not necessarily an epiphany of any kind, just a different way of seeing things, by using a different definition. This is still relevant to the topic of communication as well.
It's also relevant to the common use of expressions in language, very much like my example of "he doesn't have a mean bone in his body." In thinking about this even more, specific words have specific meanings that expressions cannot convey.
A perfect example of this is the Bible. Common expressions , used at the time of its writing, get misconstrued and misinterpreted, simply for the fact, that we don't understand what they mean, because they're no longer in use ( or ever used by us ).
In the same way, "he doesn't have a mean bone in his body" could be interpreted different ways but it context, one could say he's: in a general sense....a nice or kind person. That doesn't necessarily imply that they're not human and never unkind, it just means for "the most part" they're generally nice or kind.
But, what if, a person is chronically mean? If they're consistently mean, most of the time? If you expect something from them in the future, from everything you knew, "mean behavior" is what you come to expect..."more often than not"...most of the time.
In my mind....you'd just call that person "mean" as a description.
But that's not the word that is commonly used. The more common expression or word might be "asshole" for example. Which, is also related to a body part again.
My point is, "asshole" really tells you nothing about a person. It really doesn't say specifically what that person is?
On the other hand..." a mean person", tells you a whole lot about a person and their behavior, by just using just one word.
Why this is so poignant to me is this. I wouldn't use "mean" to describe many people, and I certainly wouldn't use it to describe my SO.
But...there's a really short list of people I've known who deserve the label of "mean"....as a chronic condition....and one would be my own father. He was just a mean man period. He also had a personality that fit that description. Especially for the fact, that he seemed to enjoy or take pleasure in being that way. Honestly, most people are not like this.....but a rare few of them are.
Which is where so many of my triggers come from. It's just good for me to know what they are, and where they come from. "Meaness" definitely flips a switch inside me. It's one of the biggest triggers I have.