Forum:
Spoke to a friend who has also divorced an (hers just probably) ADHD partner after a long marriage. Like me, she feels she has little appetite for life now more than a year after divorce.
We agreed there’s exhaustion. There’s difficulty shaping life into something that makes sense. There’s a fine balance between needing to add more people and activities to life and not quite being able to handle more. There’s sadness and loss of confidence.
Does anyone have a prognosis for this mild depression that seems to have taken hold? I know what needs to be done to rebuild life, but an overwhelming tiredness stands in the way.
It feels like a disease more than anything else. How long might it last?
Comments
Ecersise
Has always worked for me, to pull me out of depression. Aerobic excersise specifically, 1/2 for 3 times a week to start. You can build from there as needed. The key is, don't stop.
I do but…
Exercise makes me feel ill. It might have to do with some upper respiratory issues that have happened too. I feel faint and dizzy a lot especially when doing yoga. Am having a medical evaluation and perhaps there’s treatment.
But really, exercise isn’t what it used to be. It makes me feel distinctly unwell.
Pro Tip Swedish
I just re-established something I've always known. I can take this all the way back to when I was 7 years old and nothing has changed in over 60 years. Your body will adjust to what ever stress you give it. Simple fact. With excersise, this is a positive thing.
When I pulled myself out my last deep depression, I was in an unhealthy physical state. I went back to what I know best...swimming. The first day back, I could only swim 20 minutes. I was sucking air so hard I was experiencing syncope, near passing out. I believe the technical name is graying out. I was nauseous, dizzy, even to the point of feeling panicky due to having the feeling of suffocating and blacking out.
Ninety days later, I was swimming non stop for 2 1/2 hours going distances of 3 miles. I had reached the point where I could swim indefinitely or at least....for hours non stop.
The human body is an amazing thing. Barring any chronic health issues or extenuating circumstances. You can push yourself well past the place your body is telling you to stop. It's absolutely normal for the response I described ..near passing out, nauseous, feeling sick, even vomiting from physical exertion when your completely out of shape. I would not recommend to anyone to do this without consulting with a doctor....
But the bottom line is.....you have to go through the wall of pain. There's no short cuts, no easy way out. It felt just as bad when I was 7...as I did when I was 64. The first time out is the worst.
What I'm saying is.....most people stop when they feel that bad. It's even scary...felling like your out of control and can't breathe and your not getting enough oxygen.
I'm not even suggesting to anyone to push that far. But I've done it plenty of times, and it never gets any easier. Whether your 6 or 60.....it feels exactly the same.
What I'm suggesting is....feeling terrible is not a reason to stop. It definitely gets better, as long as you can stand the pain. Your brain says no....and you have to say yes.
curious
Hey swedish, I've been checking in from time to time but haven't had a chance to post... but I'm really curious about your post here. I have come back to it since you posted and wondering this: is it possible that you have/had high functioning depression and because you were the over-achiever in the marriage, is it possible that your body is asking you to address this now given that you don't need to concern yourself wiht your ex anymore? And you have pushed it down, down, down and further covered it up and over-functioned in order to compensate for your ex that your nervous system is shot and is needin attention.
I hope it doesn't upset you me asking, but I am quite curious about this and your story that you've shared in regards to the time after your separation/divorce.
I think you may be right
Yes, it does feel like my body has been through overfunctioning depression hell for years in the marriage and now is asking me to let go of things once I’m safe. The body gives clear messages all the time. Overreaching - headache next day. Exercise beyond walking - dizziness, fatigue, nausea. Worries - muscle pain waking up in the morning. Work overload - sleep disturbances, migraine Saturday morning, sadness.
On the other hand - being of use to other people but not overreaching, connection, reflection - warm contentment.
I believe there is a risk of inflammatory disease and also immune-mediated disease for people who’ve been through things like ADHD marriage and subsequent hard divorce. Elevated blood pressure is also an issue apparently.
The health aspect of this is a real thing. I’ve been generally healthy up until the last six years and no longer feel it.
Our bodies are more than vessels for the soul I think. They are biological and medical and also poetic and subtle. Mine is now like a beloved pet, it needs tenderness.
I think it will recover and thrive, it’s not too late. But it has suffered a kind of parasitism. It is now very particular about what is its problem and what is not. What generosity it can afford and not. That’s why I get these sharp reactions when I overexert it. I believe its true boundaries (which I ignored for more than a decade to stay with my partner) will be very important to it for it the rest of its life. I’m still struggling to understand them.
Off the Roller, please take care of your body, too.