A recent conversation with my SO has got me thinking. We didn't see eye to eye on something that got me wondering why?
This has more to do with me than her but it's still curious to me. What seems so obvious to me is not obvious to others many times which I think, has to do with perceptions. And many times, these perceptions are what causes me to feel isolated and alone at times...and disconnected to other people. I get frustrated when I'm talking to my SO often times because I simply don't agree with her take...on the matter. I realize it's just perceptions but why does it cause situations like this? What I'm trying to say is....this happens all the time. Not just with her but many people. It's frustrating at best but I still feel like odd man out.
The conversation dealt with an ideological difference that I have with my employer but, my employer likes to "push" her ideology at work sometimes. She has strong opinions about it, to the point, she's declared the "other side" evil. I left the room stating that I don't belong to political parties and see common good on both sides. That's when she said: "well, the ( ) are evil.
I didn't take the bait, or even entertain this notion. I didn't start this line of thought or even want to talk about politics in the first place. I graciously bowed out and did not take a stand.
This really upset my SO on a number of levels. Her "us and them" is strong in that sense but we both share the same basic ideology. The only difference in what we believe is simply tied to the fact that she's "declared her position" by joining the opposition party to my employer. I...on the other hand...am not "declared".
Poeple use the term "undecided " sometimes which is simply not true. I have decided not to "declare" a side and remain independent. But my idioligy is basically exactky the same as my SO's with very few differences on how we feel about this subject.
But at the end of our conversation, she turned it back to me and said "why don't you grow some balls and say something?? You should say something ! "
This theme of "you need to do something....and, if you don't, it shows you have no balls" has reared its head before with my ex-wife as I think back.
To clarify...."have no balls" means....you're a coward....or....you have no courage.
And not to get hung up on this part ( because I'm not ) but I find this really interesting. Where does this perception come from, because it's not based on reality? In real terms, reality is what we're talking about here, which is where this gets even more confusing?
If I had engaged with my employer ( grown balls ) and took the bait to get embroiled in a idiologic discussion about a whether one side is evil or not ( us and them ) I'd probably lose my job or at best, be treated poorly for taking a stand in opposition to my employer. Big picture....my job is more important than taking a stand against someone who pays my paycheck. In my mind, this has nothing to do with courage and everything to do with being smart? I'm not even offended...it just seems so obvious?? I'm not worried about my courage level or being brave when the time comes. I've walked the walk when I have to....I have no problems there.
My ex wife did the same one time. We were walking down the street and some street person ran by us and reached his hand out and waved it in front on my ex wife and scared her. She looked at me with that "well??? Do something" look. And with a kind of disgusted look or shunning me...she made some comment under her breath but I knew what she wanted. I think I even said." What do you want me to do? Go run down a homeless street person and punch him for waving his hand in front you? "
Reality check. Something like 70% of these street people in urban areas are : drug addicts and have schizophrenia, and, at the very least....carry a weapon of some kind. Usually a knife at bare minimum. Not only that, we were walking to a music show in an area that is known for high drug trafficking.
So this notion of "not having the balls" or lacking courage because I don't run down a crazy person who's probably on drugs, probably mentally unstable, and probably carrying a knife ( or gun ) is insane and possibly life threatening?
Over what?
Same as my SO with joining in a political debate with my employer over whether one side is evil or not? Give me a break! Not only would that be foolish...the consequences for me might mean losing my job?
Over what?
In fact, on this very forum, I think I've used the phrase "more balls than brains" to describe myself more than once when I was younger which is absolutely true. I'm not trying to convince anyone....I'm making a point.
Where does this perception come from...when it clearly defies what is true in reality? I realize..."reality is relative"...but how can it be so far off ?
In fact, my own sister, the eldest, has an opinion of me that does not match reality either? To the point, she's acted on this perception of me ( as if it's true ) which has actually caused undo harm to my life in many ways. This cause an effect chain of events has hurt me tremendously...in countless ways based on a distorted perception of me ...that's not based on any facts or hard evidence to support her position? Unfortunately, much of that ( in fact ) most of that info has come from my own mother...which is the source of much of that bad information.
Finally, I watched a program last night on the fall and decline of the United States economy narrated by a college professor who teaches economics. His delivery was polished from experience and his talk was fact based. Even even said "hey, don't shoot the messenger here...I'm only providing facts." It was troubling to say the least.
But in his talk, he mentioned how, the entire US is in denial. He sighted all the historical "collapses " of economic power house empires one after one and how ...were in this exact same pattern now.
Not only that, but it's already happened so to speak. He showed how the US...is already no longer the most powerful nation in the world due to "BRICS"....an acronym for the trade collaboration of : Brazil, Russia, India, Indonesia, China, and South Africa, Saudi Arabia, and the United Arab Emmerants.
As he pointed out...that's 35% of the entire world's population while the US only accounts for 4.5%.
And this has already happened! "What we were....is not what we are now "he said. We ( the US ) are no longer the world's economic power as we speak.
Further, he said, no matter what the current president does will have little to no effect on this. Same as the last one. It's already happening and there's no stopping it...is the point he's trying to make.
So in essence, "doing something" in an effort to try and apiece an entire nation of people....to make it appear that we're all going to go back to what it once was....is basically a lie or at least....untrue. It's a distorted perception of what "once was" in order to try and convince an entire nation that we're somehow going to "go back". I'm jumping up and down screaming "there is no going back!!!" as I'm writing this....because it's already to late for that since it's already happened that we're not.
The professor also point out...that we've basically lost the last 4 wars we've (the US ) has been in, but, that's not what the perception of all his students believe.
This may seem like a rant or unrelated to anything to do with couples. But that's not how I see it? I see this as the exact same thing....exactly!!
Bad information, denial, refusing to change, and refusing to look at what's uncomfortable even if it's true.
And....refusing to change one's perspective and what you believe to something different, even if it would benefit you to do so?
What is not the same here? It's not "kind of like" or similar....it's exactly the same?!
And as far as this "grow some balls" attitude. How does courage or being brave, have anything to do with keeping my job or not getting killed by a schizophrenic, drug addict with a deadly weapon?
In my mind, a different body part is needed instead...if you're going to survive.
This "us and them"mentality will get you no where IMHO. It's not just a couples problem. In the big picture, it's a world problem.
I get frustrated when no one else can see this. It makes me feel alone.
