For a while now the thought of shame has come up.
It seems to me life with an ADD partner has been shaped to a great extent by shame. My ex avoiding everything that was out of his reach made the world small for us. It was embarrassing. Even though I didn’t realize it at the time, it was the reason socializing with others was so awkward.
Shame lingers with me now. At work, for ten years I’ve been restricted by the ADD load at home, the worry. I know I’ve been strong given the circumstances. But nobody at work has ever met me before the marriage subdued me, and it feels like it’s made me an unimportant person. I feel particularly shamed about this since at the same time I’ve worked extremely hard and also done continued education in my field.
It’s like the social circles that have been lost. How does one explain to people one stopped seeing them not because of them, but because one was ashamed of one’s husband’s dysfunction, but wasn’t even consciously aware of it at the time? You don’t, for his sake, but then what do you say?
Really, this is standing in the way when I’m trying to make a new life after divorce. How does one reinvent oneself after more than a decade of ADD shame?
Perhaps it’s time to get another job, and some new friends.
