I love my husband, but I have become a shell of my former self. We have been together for nearly 7 years, but I am truly struggling with his ADHD symptoms and more importantly struggling with him being perfectly happy with the way things are. I am finding myself becoming more and more resentful of his choices that affect me and the heightened rejection sensitivity that comes with his ADHD. I try to be respectful and trust that he will have things handled, but it's really frustrating when each day comes with more choices that he has made that affect me negatively. I know he is struggling with his ADHD, but he refuses to try medication and says that he is working on his ADHD in his own way. We started Melissa's seminar, but we only got through session 1 and that was about a month ago. I try to bring it up, but I am met with groans and sighs as if it is such a chore for him to do this for us. I feel like I'm carrying the entire weight of our relationship as well as our finances. He's an avid spender and doesn't see it as such. He doesn't believe that he is spending too much of our funds. The fact of the matter is since we have been together, we have no savings and I was not this kind of person where I didn't save up and have money set aside. I'm very much a planner and want to make sure we have funds for retirement, but he's very much the in the now and want to enjoy life now kind of person. 

I really find myself feeling depressed and I'm already in therapy and working with the therapist on how his ADHD affects me. I think I am miserable some days. Some days I think to myself, it must be nice living life without having to wash a dish or clean a toilet or do actual household chores. He tells me that he experiences executive functioning paralysis very often and I want to not blame him for making the mistakes he makes or how his ADHD symptoms make me feel exhausted, but it's so hard. I feel so utterly depressed that even when asking him to take the dogs outside just to potty is met with groans and sighs. It's painful and I don't want to vent too much to my friends or family because they will form opinions about him and I feel that's unfair to him. 

I'm just not sure how to move forward. I feel resentment for how our lives are and I can't seem to see the light out of this. I know he's a caring and loving person, but I am having such a hard time showing him love when he doesn't want to help himself. I don't really want to go down the path of divorce, but I so exhausted, I'm not sure I have the energy to keep being the parent. He's labeled me controlling when I've been trying to keep us out of messes he creates. He doesn't want to use any tools that would be a compromise for us. Any suggestion I make seems to fall on deaf ears or he argues that he doesn't want to or can't do it.

What else can I do besides swallow the resentment in order to keep the peace? I feel like I walk on eggshells whenever there is something important to discuss. I can't really talk to him about things, because when I do his RSD comes into full effect and it gets turned around into how he feels he's being attacked or he gets full on depressed and I feel like the bad guy. Like tonight, I tried to talk to him about how I'm not trying to blame him, but I am truly struggling with understanding his ability to work full force on something that he's interested in and 0 ability to do something like help clean a mess he has made. I wanted a partnership in a marriage and this is not what I envision a partnership to be. So I keep asking myself should I give up and leave or do I resign myself to accepting that this is how our marriage will be with me swallowing all the resentment and exhaustion? Neither solution seems right to me. I'm also struggling with the fact that we made vows for better or worse, it good times and in bad. How do I tell the person I made vows to that I want to walk away because I can't handle the bad times? Is it even appropriate for me to walk away?