My partner was diagnosed with ADHD in her forties a couple of years ago, she has struggled with this and we split up for some time after her diagnosis due to her headspace and feeling she couldn’t give the time or effort to a relationship. We got back together a year ago and she is now questioning our relationship but acknowledges she doesn’t know why. She loves me but can’t articulate her feelings. She recognizes it’s related to ADHD, but I’m unsure how to support her or help her communicate.
She keeps pushing me away further and disengaging from the relationship over the last month or two. We don’t live together and aren’t soending time together currently, not through a lack of trying on my part but she keeps me at arms length and doesn’t engage. There’s no real help or advice for this online so hoping to hear others experiences/advice.
Comments
Distance
Sorry about this.
There was withdrawal from my ADD partner too, following diagnosis after 20 years of living together. I think it was due to shame.
Instead of making a team with me and meeting the challenges together, he chose to concentrate on himself. He didn’t give me updates on how he felt and was secretive about what his doctor said.
I think the revelation of an ADHD diagnosis can shake up a person substantially. They might question their entire life and everything in it - including their partner (who often has been critical about their symptoms and therefore might be perceived as overbearing).
It also seems an ADHD partner may create a negative self-image which doesn’t reflect their partner’s love and appreciation at all. My ex thought I felt he was unattractive in different ways, even disgusting, and this was simply not true.
Probably she will need to do this on her own terms. If she finds the energy for a relationship (and I believe many ADHDers do, but not all, sadly), perhaps things will change for the better for the two of you.
In the meantime, I suggest you try to do something good for yourself.