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Hi all, 

I'm new here and seeking advice from others who have been or are in a relationship with someone with ADHD. I'll try to condense this! I was with my ex boyfriend for about 15 months. It truly seemed like a lifetime and I thought he was the one. (I'm 29 and have been in several long-term relationships, my longest was 6 years. I haven't really been single since I was about 16, and when I was, it was for a couple of months. Part of this likely has to do with dysfunctional parents growing up and having to assume the role of an adult in a lot of instances....)

I woke up this morning feeing so deeply lonely in my marriage. One of the purposes of marriage is to have a companion through lifes ups and downs. Someone to share experiences with. I would so love to go on a vacation this summer. I have the choice of going alone or taking my DH along. Either option is sad and lonely. 

Please shut up, pay attention and don't do anything.

You'd think that was the ADHD spouse but it's the ADDer himself wanting attention. We had a huge fight over ... umm what does it matter, I wanted this and he wanted that.. and he pushed, boxed in, bullied until I blew up. He says he has a few of the symptoms but no big deal. 

But the corker is this.... this morning in his best most soothing unctuous voice ..

The last post I had a couple of months ago was how we were on the course for improvement. Husband had finally started meds and was taking them daily - moving over to Vyvanse that seemed to do the trick and we were able to navigate a tricky sale of our condo, pack up, move, I started a new job, he crashed the car/we bought a new one, and ALL of that without a major disagreement or me ending up in tears due to him getting angry/frustrated/irritable with me. 

We had a huge fight:

he said It was " all about him" meaning I should support him 24/7

that all I did was "hurt" him

That I should leave his stuff alone, he had mixed food and groceries with tools. 

He needed someone to listen to him.

I was so angry I wanted to move out. 

My hubby , often hears what isn't said or doesn't remember what is said.

We get into fights that sound like this:

https://youtu.be/FkSGxNrg4SA

Here is a new perspective.  I have been trying so hard to "make things OK" that I have lost my self.  Believing that to get along meant that I must compromise and not fight and not nag and try to soothe H's (and other people's) anger/discomfort and to help his overwhelm.

Well, that has not worked.  AND I lost my self, my joy, my strength, my identity. I read this today and it points me in another, happier, more robust future:

For most of our marriage, my husband and I have had the same issues; parent-child dynamic and me shouldering the burden of financial responsibility. His lack of keeping a decent job has plagued us. He has had over 15 jobs in our 14 years of marriage. His career has done the opposite of advance as he seems to make less money with each new job. He’s now making less than he did 15 years ago.

Last night, I heard my wife and our son fighting.  I went upstairs and asked what was happening.  My wife starts explaining about how our daughter snuck her kindle when she was not supposed to have it.  OK, but what does that have to do with why she was fighting with our son?  Oh, because she decided that it was the perfect time to pick a fight with him because our daughter must be copying his behavior!  I tried several times to explain to her that it was not a good idea to start widening the fight.  She just kept repeating that our daughter was influenced by his bad behavior and acted like