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by: adhd32 -
My ADHD H would get angry with our son when he exhibited typical adhd behaviors yet H did them too! If I pointed out to H that he too does the exact thing, he would get angry and claim I was protecting our son and I should have been a lawyer since I was always standing up for other people. I do stand up for others he has issues with because H cannot give grace and think that maybe someone he was angry with could have just lost a parent, or was distracted with family issues, or had something heavy they...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Husband doesn't like my ADHD Sister
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by: Swedish coast -
Sorry about the conflict in your family. Are your mother and sister staying with you now? To me it seems very likely that in any setting, some irritation happens if guests stay more than a few days. I also have witnessed a great deal of animosity between ADHD family members and others. I don't know what specifically is the thing with your husband and sister, but sometimes it seems the traits we share with others can make us dislike them... I hope they both might get treatment to relieve your general...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Husband doesn't like my ADHD Sister
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by: Swedish coast -
Dear Peaceful, I can't see any reason for guilt here. You broke the emotional bond - which needed breaking - by stating a new love, after 4 years apart!? You didn't cheat, you didn't slander, you didn't betray. You didn't even destroy trust, because you and you ex partner didn't have a relationship anymore. Nothing you did is wrong. Im sorry you're upset at his pain, of course it's awful, and perhaps you miss his presence? But you shouldn't blame yourself. This is just life happening. It sounds...>>> on Forum topic - I’m ashamed to say..
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by: sickandtired -
You are still under the delusion that his emotional responses are your responsibility. You should count yourself lucky that he has finally stopped stalking you and repeatedly not respecting your decision to end it with him. My ex BF did the same thing your guy did: making up multiple online identities, stolen from my friends in real life, to lurk on my fb page. He would borrow other people's phones to call me so he could get past me blocking him. If your ex quit after you told him you have a new love...>>> on Forum topic - I’m ashamed to say..
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by: adhd32 -
Your vision is clouded right now. You were his caretaker and likely codependent for 6 years because your life revolved around him. Your new friend opened your eyes to what a more balanced adult relationship could look like.. A therapist will help you sort out the reasons you were unable to make a clean break and call it quits but allowed him to linger in the background for 4 years. You are entitled to a life of your own where you are not protecting and enabling another adult.>>> on Forum topic - I’m ashamed to say..
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by: saudade -
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. In the meantime I know is not only adhd, but much more (trauma, dysregulation, maybe bipolar, alcohol abuse, etc). We had contact again, talked a lot, he is deeply ashamed, cried a lot, admits he cannot be in a relation, because it always ends bed. There was also an evening we met by comom friends and he had a rage outburst again, 1st againts a neighbour, then against his friend and then with me. I saw this pittyful person, drunk, shouting out in anger and...>>> on Forum topic - Rage meltdown ending on physical abuse adhd partner
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by: J -
"Some people use the pain of RSD to find adaptations and overachieve. They constantly work to be the best at what they do and strive for idealized perfection. Sometimes they are driven to be above reproach. They lead admirable lives, but at what cost?" When it comes to my work, I'm a perfectionist. I'm also a people pleaser as a second consideration. I'm all over this description. Another major consideration to consider. *This is also key to where this is going. I wouldn't go as far as saying I've led...>>> on Forum topic - RSD...Flipping the Script. Ferreting Out Anger
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by: J -
So, I'll walk through the steps I took to get to what I feel is at the bottom of what is my RSD, as it is specific to me. This at the very least, one trigger point to consider. I wouldn't be surprised if there's more and I'm sure there is. It started out with me taking an RSD self test on the ADDitude web sight in association with an article I found. They appear to be a credible source I thought? I tend to take these tests because they can be revealing as I always tend to learn something in the process...>>> on Forum topic - RSD...Flipping the Script. Ferreting Out Anger
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by: Peacefull111 -
I also loved my adhd partner so much that I made excuses for his alcoholism. I studied everything I could about adhd and gave him money to try to help and the pain never went away. Neither did the insults he gave me and disrespect. The longer you stick around in an unhealthy relationship the worst it will hurt you. I advise to distance your self now before you end up getting badly hurt as well. I also felt like the strong one at one point because I was neurotypical but over the years this will take a toll...>>> on Forum topic - Rage meltdown ending on physical abuse adhd partner
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by: 1Melody1 -
Ha ha - great minds, Swedish! I so agree with what you've said about self respect as well as growing resentment from feeling silenced.>>> on Forum topic - I was critical and impatient
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by: Swedish coast -
I frankly don't think anyone can be a safety net for another adult's abandon for decades and not be resentful. The task is impossible. Take all the crap and not complain? Who with any self respect would? Especially if for years or decades, there wasn't even a diagnosis to explain why the non should accept it? I dislike that non-ADHD partners are told not to voice their needs. Sure, for years it may look like the non partner can handle the strain and wear. It may seem fair that they shoulder an immense...>>> on Forum topic - I was critical and impatient
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by: 1Melody1 -
I strongly believe that it's wrong for experts to call out non-ADHD spouses for "nagging." It's blame shifting to the wrong party and honestly incredibly sexist since it's usually reserved as a negative term directed at women. The responsibility should be on the party with ADHD to implement systems and address symptoms so they can be more accountable partners. The already traumatized party should not be made to feel even worse for simply communicating simple household needs that are commonplace in any...>>> on Forum topic - I was critical and impatient
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by: 2lawyers -
I am still in the thick of the despair you described prior to ending the marriage. This all sounds so familiar. I read on one of the blogs on this site that I should not nag, ever. And yet I struggle with how to do that. Instinctively I was already doing that, but how it manifests is feeling an inability to say anything at all about anything. I'm afraid it will sound judgmental. It might even truly be judgmental, in a passive aggressive way. My partner's neglected responsibilities are important. I can be...>>> on Forum topic - I was critical and impatient
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by: janapal -
I used to think reading someone's conversations was too low and an ugly thing to do... until I move in with my ADHD partner. He only really stopped with the lying and emotional affairs when I told him I WILL read everything, I will let the other person know I'm reading it and so will their significant other/family/whatever - and followed through with what I said.>>> on Blog post - My Partner is Having an Affair. Now What?
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by: Swedish coast -
It's good that you get out of this. I'm sorry you've had to go through the strain.>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
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by: charmingtempest -
I want to thank everyone for their thoughtful and non:judgemental input. I am both happy and sad to report that I was forced eventually to block him Happy because I am safe and at peace. I feel the anxiety draining Fromm me day by day. Sad because I said goodbye several times and he just didn't get it. I feel a bit cruel, just taking him off my Facebook and blocking him and all of that and he feels like I lied to him about caring about him and I feel terrible for that but it just wasn't livable...>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
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by: J -
After writing this, it brought back a few memories of my dad. It reminded me that he was very ill much of my childhood. When I was about 8 years old, the doctor told him he only had about 5 years to live if he didn't stop smoking. He'd been smoking since he was 10 years old ( according to him ) but I think it was possibly earlier than that. In the end, he did stop and started exercising. When he'd take me to early morning swim workouts before school, he would ride his bike around the neighborhood at the...>>> on Forum topic - I am Scrooge
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by: Swedish coast -
Thank you for those kind words. Assigning him more responsibilities is probably the best way forward. Or - if he's (as I expect) incapable of shopping clothes and gear at the appropriate time and thinking of haircuts - maybe I should take the children out for those things on his weeks when it suits me. Why should he have calm uninterrupted time with them just being present, while I scurry on my weeks to get everything done? It should at least be noticeable that I'm relieving him of responsibilities. I...>>> on Forum topic - The relaxed happy ex
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by: Catterfly -
Hi Swedish, This is truly awful, and frankly callous and mean of your ex. Of course you're feeling depleted. This is one of the most stressful things people can go through in life, and having an ex who can only focus on the "now" (so can never self-reflect or apologize for the past) makes it even more heartbreaking. It's ok for your kids to see your humanity. Once you've processed enough grief to come back to yourself, they know you'll be their foundation. In fact I bet that they know that already,...>>> on Forum topic - The relaxed happy ex
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by: J -
I'm having a really difficult time even following this, in fact, it makes no real sense what so ever? All I hear is a lot of "you" language: you, you, you....then, I, I , ...and us...then I....then back to you. Sounds like he's trying to say everything is all your fault but mostly, it just sounds like a bunch of random words pulled out of a hat and strung together to form a sentence. Very difficult to understand what he's actually trying to say?>>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse
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