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by: Off the roller ... -
you definitely aren't alone in this. I'm in a very similar situation and I've found the following coping strategies to help for 'next round' - however I do want to caveat that I've been incorporating these strategies for the last few years but I can definitely tell it's catching up to me. It always will come out. our bodies keep the score and your body and mind WILL make some changes if you don't. And I mean that in regards to stress as well. We only have 1 life to live and I know it's hard to see now...>>> on Forum topic - Bait and switch marriage
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by: LostinTucson -
I cannot believe I am not seeing a ton of responses here. I too get the feeling that my husband uses his ADHD as an excuse to treat me badly. I cannot tell you how many times he has said “It’s my ADHD, I cannot change it” or, just looks at me saying nothing when I bring up how his actions have hurt me. “Accept it!” Has also been said many times. It’s so hard. Since I’m in your position I don’t know any good advice, but I can say you are not alone.>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated
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by: LostinTucson -
I instantly grabbed on to your words “at some point the ADD spouse must recognize and accept the huge differences”. Is this possible? If so, how does one get their ADHD partner to this point? I cannot tell you how many times I have been told to “just empathize” when I feel it’s all I do and that I would like a little in return. Is it possible for an ADHD partner to do that?>>> on Forum topic - Protecting Myself
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by: LostinTucson -
I just created an account for the first time, looked at this forum, selected your post, and literally held my breath as I read it. I had such a feeling of deja vu that I had to check myself to make sure I didn’t write it. I too have gotten to a point of acceptance that my marriage as I knew it, is dead. My husband was diagnosed just a year ago, but the symptoms and behavior have been in him from the beginning of our almost 30 year marriage. He has sought treatment, but he is also a...>>> on Forum topic - Hello, all
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by: loveandregrets -
It will be 43 yrs that I've been married to my husband. The term ADHD is newer to us... I suppose if I was older and wiser when we met (I was 18, he 25.) I would know my plan to marry this man would ruin me. Back in the day he was aloof and funny. Outgoing and adventurous. He worked offshore 6 months out of the year and I thought our life was on the same track and we had planned a wonderful future together. We married 3 years later and after 3 more years had our first child. That's when things came...>>> on Forum topic - Feel like my husband is financially ruining me.
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by: resentful25251 -
So tired is very familiar, irresponsible behavior, does nothing to help, loses everything constantly, cant find anything. he has been leaving the garage door open at night. I also hate being responsible for everything all the time. I know he's got to be ADD or ADHD, but he has no insurance so no pills.>>> on Forum topic - Anyone experienced these with ADHD spouse? Just so tired.
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m glad you seem to get on more pleasantly with your SO. You sound confident. What you wrote made me associate to divorce grief. They say, and I can emotionally relate to it, that acceptance of pain and sorrow makes grieving more manageable. Sometimes, they said, it’s not helpful to analyze pain and struggle with it verbally, but rather to let emotions run their course. I’ve never been good at handling pain but feel a small improvement today. I’m trying to accept that my days are...>>> on Forum topic - Anyone seen/heard from J?
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by: TruthSeeker -
It's been a few months. Any updates? I am interested about a couples things you've mentioned that would concern me too. It sounds like he is abusing medication. No one can go without sleep for three days and not have it harm their brain and body. People can hallucinate if not sleeping that long which can lead to dangerous situations. No other human, adult or child should be subjected to that potential danger without limits and controls (he is acting out of control). Second, the level of...>>> on Forum topic - It has become a safety issue
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by: Swedish coast -
So happy you’re discovering new things and seem to have found a wonderful niche of work to enjoy!>>> on Forum topic - Getting fired and doing Something Different
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by: Sunnyside16 -
.>>> on Forum topic - .
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by: Dpeak -
I've never been officially diagnosed with ADHD, but restlessness—both physically and mentally—has always been a part of my life. My daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD, and in watching her navigate interactions, relationships, and life in general, I see many parallels between us. A couple of years ago, I lost my temper with my supervisor during my probation period, which ultimately led to me being fired. My supervisor had his own challenges, but I recognize that I shouldn’t have reacted the...>>> on Forum topic - Getting fired and doing Something Different
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by: anonym -
sorry if i offended anyone by looping in #metoo. just for me it is a fact i have so many blaming and victim stories with ADHD spouse. (or is it ADHD?) one story relevant to this thread about late night confusion is when i came home late from work and she didn't want to shag. fine. the 5yr old woke 1am and came to our room and i take him back to his room and fall asleep with him. next thing i know there is a flashlight in my face and it is two police officers in full bulletproof...>>> on Forum topic - .
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by: honestly -
‘blames every male for being human.’>>> on Forum topic - .
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by: honestly -
If your spouse is behaving in such a way that the kids are scared of him, would you actually have to co-parent? You couldn’t expect them to be alone with him for extended periods if he can’t control himself properly.>>> on Forum topic - .
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by: honestly -
it’s so hard to know, once there’s a diagnosis, what is ADHD and what is something else. I’m still working out the toxic blend of traits that is my ex, all delivered with a victim mentality that has always painted me as the bad guy. But bare minimum you should be able to sleep safely, undisturbed, and your partner should be prioritising your wellbeing to the basic level of letting you sleep. This is at very, very best selfish and that’s not appealing. But it’s also deeply strange and unsettling...>>> on Forum topic - .
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by: J -
As far as my SO and I are doing, things are looking up there as well. For me, coming to terms that I will have to accept certain things I don't like as just part of being with her. She's not going to simply stop being her, bit I also don't have to accept her behavior if she's just getting unreasonable or "grouchy" as she puts it. Grouchy is her mood turning irritable and her tolerance level goes way down along with her patience. This, in my mind, has nothing to do with me or anything I've done ( or...>>> on Forum topic - Anyone seen/heard from J?
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by: J -
Thank you so much for thinking of me. Yes, I'm fine and came back to check in. I'll make a post to report what I'm doing. Making new discoveries as usual, but things are looking up. J>>> on Forum topic - Anyone seen/heard from J?
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by: anonym -
here are some hopefully helpful comments: 1.Couples therapy also didn't work with my ADHD spouse. She got defensive and paranoid when she was "put in a corner". It is an impossible situation when ADHD partner doesn't want help or to improve the relationship, likely because of life-long insecurity and failures. 2.Acting the victim of your own spouse is not necessarily abuse them. If you don't want physical "action" at the same time you are not a victim. And this dynamic of different timing...>>> on Forum topic - .
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by: Swedish coast -
This is abuse of you, no matter what diagnose explains it. There’s no excuse. Please seek a cautious way to get out of this. Contact social services or medical providers. Try to find temporary shelter so you don’t have to cohabit while sorting things out. Leaving an aggressive partner may be dangerous.>>> on Forum topic - .
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by: anonym -
my personal opinion is that if there are children involved you will never be able to extricate yourself from the ADHD partner chaos. but you can manage it. and that the peace is achieved during thier absence, although it is fleeting. and so you need to live in that moment, where without the ADHD partner there is temporary peace. "get away, get away, get away now!!">>> on Forum topic - Too Many Steps?
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