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by: Groot Lover -
Great advice. Thank you.>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Swedish coast -
It sounds like you don’t share reality with him, and that leads to conflict. You’re looking for ways to avoid the conflict? It also makes you feel like you’re losing your mind? I’m certainly no expert, but it seems safer to me to be honest about the discrepancy. Yes, there will be open conflict. But if you hide the conflict, you are suddenly no longer participating on your own terms, and you’ll allow him to cross your emotional boundaries without even knowing it. Being very clear...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Groot Lover -
At least hearing that others have had the same issues I can be assured it’s not me and I’m not going crazy. It does make me question my own sanity at times and I end up thinking my memory is going! I just wish I knew how to respond when he is convinced he’s told me something when in reality he hasn’t and it’s all his own internal thoughts. How do I respond without sounding like I’m just up for an argument. It’s draining at times and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Swedish coast -
Perhaps ADHDers think they do communicate when having private thoughts. It’s also very possible the outcome for their partner in these scenarios is in no way intended. I think as long as I could still believe my ex didn’t want to hurt me, it was all bearable. But once I lost that faith, I plummeted. He’d probably say today if somebody asked him, that he never wanted anything but good things to happen to me. Still, being married to him has made me lose confidence, health, social circles, and...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Groot Lover -
That’s tough. I think anyone who has adhd realises after they’ve spoken harshly that they shouldn’t have and do regret their actions but it’s hard to tolerate for the non adhd partner.>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Groot Lover -
Sorry to hear that. It’s hard at times. I don’t want use the adhd as an excuse for his behaviour. I’m guessing there’s a big learning curve for me.>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Swedish coast -
During divorce, my ADD ex was deceitful and hurtful, explaining he hadn’t valued our years together, and that he was happy to get rid of me. It was hard to hear since I’d been his caregiver for years, supporting him financially and carrying the family responsibilities alone. Then, a year later with no attempts from him whatsoever to make peace, he apparently told my mother he had conversations with me in his head every day. He was mulling about how things had gone wrong, and wanted to make...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: honestly -
I really did love him, and he broke me again and again. I kept pulling myself back together and working harder. After half a lifetime of this - 25 when I met him, together for 25 years - I collapsed, physically and emotionally, and could not pull myself back together again, even for the kids. This past year - just 10 months in fact since we split - I have been gradually reassembling something like myself, and reassessing his behaviour and no longer finding excuses for it. Maybe I didn’t love...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Groot Lover -
Sorry to hear this. I love my husband dearly so I’m determined to make it work.>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: honestly -
With my ex, I would find myself facing consequences of ‘decisions we’d made’ that I had been completely unaware of. On one occasion this involved him cancelling a lovely hotel so we could go stay with his ex girlfriend instead. Apparently we’d agreed this. I would never have agreed this; not in a million years. I ended up changing beds and making conversation with a woman I disliked rather than relaxing in a hotel. With him I thought of it as convenience rather than actually believing we had had the...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Swedish coast -
Sadly. I loved him dearly, but the ADD has ruined it.>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Groot Lover -
As you say he’s your ex - was it the ADD that broke it for you?>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Swedish coast -
And my ADD ex partner was actually angry and disappointed at me for not having heard him.>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: honestly -
What you describe is so close to what I experienced with my ex. Career hyperfocus and success, neglect, negativity and misery for everybody else. The DARVO, the gaslighting, the lying, the lack of empathy and the lashing out. I hope for you that you get out of it. There is happiness and peace on the other side. There’s healing.>>> on Forum topic - And it continues ...
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by: Groot Lover -
I’m desperate for some advice! My husband has continual conversations in his head but is then convinced that he’s had the conversation with me. When I question it he says I’m wrong and we argue. It’s like he’s gaslighting me constantly. I’ve tried to stay calm and the last time it happened I reminded him exactly how the conversation had gone without raising my voice and he eventually remembered what we’d discussed. It’s like he has his own script that he thinks he’s said out loud but then...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Swedish coast -
Good thoughts. I listened to one just now. In fact I have enjoyed my work. It’s been lifesaving since divorce. No matter how devastated I’ve felt privately, I’ve been able to go there, grab a positive attitude, and kill at caring and problem solving. Also there’s no time to think about anything private for the whole day. Work has let me forget, and feel good, and sometimes brilliant. That’s why now, two years after divorce, it’s so disappointing to find work is making me ill, too...>>> on Forum topic - Caregiver burnout
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by: Off the roller ... -
It's not gonna solve things, but there's tons of food for thought on codependancy We Can Do Hard Things - episode with Terri Cole and there's one with Melody Beattie (which is IMPERATIVE listening for those of us in these positions) and they refer to other episodes that they discuss codependancy. Also the episodes with Jennifer hattmaker are chefs kiss. Make no mistake there's tons of food for thought in them and u will need time to digest but definitely do critical thinking. I...>>> on Forum topic - Caregiver burnout
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by: honestly -
Though they have some traits, neither of my kids meet the threshold for ADHD. I do totally recognise the dynamic of having to ‘go nuclear’ for the ADHD spouse to take anything on board. The general impression was that he could not give a monkey’s about anything that was not immediately to do with his needs being met. I recently read Dr Sami Tamini’s book Searching for Normal. I’d highly recommend it, if you’re able to get hold of it where you live (he’s a UK psychologist and author) It...>>> on Forum topic - No diagnosis for kid
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by: Off the roller ... -
But honest question that it might be good to sit on.....but do you actually like your job? Like, you might want to explore your profession that you're good at it bc you've been conditioned and this has built up.... but maybe, just maybe, you might like to explore thinking about a new job? Or career?? Or something that doesn't involve caregiving. It sounds like you have a lot on plate. This is not advice to quit your job! It ain't that simple. But just think about what your job brings to your...>>> on Forum topic - Caregiver burnout
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by: Swedish coast -
Pursuer burnout is new to me, had to look it up. And of course, it sounds like the inevitable result of living with a passive depressed person who avoids honest conversation and doesn’t reach out to repair trust. What co-dependency is seems less clear when one tries to read about it? At this point I’d throw in a feminist point of view as well (everyone and everything likes to profit on but not reward hard-working women who turn chaos into order and never give up). And part of the...>>> on Forum topic - Caregiver burnout
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