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by: Neuchatel81 -
For the moment, I have changed all accounts at bank from joint to my name only. I have an appointment with attorney on January 29, so hope to receive additional information at that time. This is NOT ideal as I am anxious about what husband could do in the meantime, but it is the best I can do for the moment. Initial meeting with new therapist went very well. She is older so understands ramifications of long term relationships, and appears to be aware of ADD complications. I have another...>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: adhd32 -
What are you doing to protect whatever money you have left since he considers everything his?>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: adhd32 -
You both need to concentrate on yourselves. Ask her to leave. This is a very unhealthy situation that cannot be fixed on an online forum. You both need professional help.>>> on Forum topic - Annoyed, frustrated, and looking for support
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I had first meeting with new therapist yesterday. At least she is older so appears to understand ramifications of long term relationship, and expressed understanding of ADD! I am really looking forward to next appointment in 2 weeks to begin real work. Attorney’s office has yet to call me back to begin client information process but I am making notes of all they may require. After speaking to husband on Sunday, it is clear he feels that joint retirement account funds are “for business” if he...>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m so glad you’re working to protect your retirement funding and also get emotional support from a therapist. Hoping this will turn things around!>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: honestly -
I’ve been wondering and worrying about you, J. It looks like you left?>>> on Forum topic - Annoyed, frustrated, and looking for support
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by: J -
I can only confirm what others have said by adding one solid bit of evidence having just experienced something similar. It's the pattern itself in the big picture. --some reason he can't go to therapy --- "medical anxiety". I don't know enough clinical jargon to say that's not a technical term, but as I translate it for myself I hear, "I'm afraid of doctors " I'm not going to criticize or judge anyone who struggles with fears and anxieties but objectively speaking, that's kind of like a note...>>> on Forum topic - Annoyed, frustrated, and looking for support
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I am going to see a new therapist today to hopefully gain clarity about my situation. I attempted a conversation with spouse yesterday. It was interesting to see how he hears what I do not say rather than listening to actual words: when I asked him about his business not being profitable (for a number of years), all he heard was that it was never profitable (that I did not say) — definitely an element of shame there. I am in process of hiring an attorney as well. Yesterday’s conversation...>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: Swedish coast -
You just received excellent advice from two people whose judgment I trust. Retrieve your living space. Free yourself from exploitation.>>> on Forum topic - Annoyed, frustrated, and looking for support
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by: honestly -
You are ‘worn thin’ and ‘exhausted’. You have been in ‘hell’ just living together. It has caused you to withdraw from him emotionally. Would you advise a friend to marry in these circumstances? You’re at the start of your life together; you should be happy and passionate and excited by each other. If it’s this bad now, how utterly miserably benightedly horrible do you think it will be when you are legally bound together- finances, healthcare, responsibilities, children maybe; the works? I’d be...>>> on Forum topic - Annoyed, frustrated, and looking for support
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by: Swedish coast -
His not treating this long-known condition has probably made your life unnecessarily hard and lessened the chances for your family to stay together. That responsibility is his. My ex didn’t get evaluation for neurodivergence for decades of deteriorating mental health. He wasn’t upfront with his doctors or psychologists. When he started ADD treatment, it was too late to save our marriage. This is his responsibility. We can mourn it, but not really bear responsibility for it. ...>>> on Forum topic - Can we come back from this?
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by: Mum_80 -
Sorry, he has the ADHD. Was diagnosed very young. Only recently (about 4 months ago) went back on meds after almost 18 years without. I am just still so shocked by it all. I want to fight for us but I feel like it’s a solo fight so maybe I should just give up. thank you for your response.>>> on Forum topic - Can we come back from this?
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by: Swedish coast -
So sorry to hear about this. You don’t mention who of you two might have ADHD, but perhaps it doesn’t matter. Like you, I’ve loved somebody who silently gave up on the marriage after many years of untreated ADHD and resulting destructive patterns. It’s very hard. To me, it seems unfair to let a relationship slip without giving notice earlier, like your partner seems to have done. The one we live with deserves honesty. A long relationship with children is precious and...>>> on Forum topic - Can we come back from this?
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I am looking forward to my appointment on January 12 with a new therapist. I also have called an attorney to begin the process of protecting my financial future. I do believe it takes as much effort to keep a marriage as to end it, and do not want to divorce, but need to find out what to do to protect myself since husband appears to have no intention to do so. Initial phone consult with attorney made me feel somewhat better as husband’s non profitable business is NOT normal, and my concerns are...>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: 1Melody1 -
I can't recommend highly enough that you don't marry him. He isn't doing anything to address his ADHD or substance abuse and he is making his issues all your problem when you have enough to carry. It probably doesn't feel like it right now, but I promise it's a blessing to figure this out before you get married. He is showing you exactly who he is... please believe him. Your gut is screaming at you right now not to go through with the marriage... and for good reason. That voice is trying to save you....>>> on Forum topic - Annoyed, frustrated, and looking for support
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by: 1Melody1 -
It's so nice to hear that meds made such a difference in your relationship. From what I understand, stimulants are not the only medication option and there are a few heart-friendly options you could explore with your family doctor or whoever originally prescribed the original ADHD medication. Here's an older article on this that runs through a few options. There may also be some new non-stimulant options since that was published. https://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/what-should-i-know-about-taking-...>>> on Forum topic - Coming off meds
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by: bipolADHD -
First of all, I’m sending you so much love and holding the intention that you receive the support you need as you step into this next chapter of parenthood for the second time. What you shared resonated deeply with me. I see so much of my own situation reflected in your experience, and I want to acknowledge how brave and strong you are for being so open and honest—especially about what it’s like to be in a relationship with a partner who may have untreated ADHD. More than anything, I...>>> on Forum topic - Why do things get the worst when I need support the most?
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by: ElsieBear1 -
Agreed. There's too many red flags there. Do not marry this guy, he has zero intentions of working on himself. Sorry you're going through this, but unless he's willing to face the truth about his behaviour, you'll be divorce no.7 pretty quickly unfortunately.>>> on Forum topic - How do you deal with the constant disappointment?
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by: J -
Intentionality: It's done on purpose, with a clear understanding and a specific outcome in mind. Deliberate: It requires active mental and physical exertion, not just going through the motions. Non-automatic: It contrasts with automatic behaviors, requiring you to think critically about what you're doing...>>> on Forum topic - Letting go of control
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by: 1Melody1 -
Hey Neuchatel, I hope you find the therapist helpful. I happened to luck out with a great one who helped me find clarity in just a couple of sessions. I wish the same for you.>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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