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by: Off the roller ... -
So I heard Karen Doherty on the adhd chatter podcast and just thought she was amazing. She's a UK Melissa :) (kidding admin!) But if you go to her site, I think she offers a list of trained therapist, at thr very least she has the right resources. She's got a TV show, blue therapy, on right now There is also a blog article by Rachel ban on this site that has questions you should ask the therapist. I used them recently and was able to suss put a therapist that claimed they were trained...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Couples Counselling UK (Swindon, Cheltenham or online)
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by: honestly -
that attack thing; it’s RSD. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. I’d ask my ex about his plans, for eg, and he would react as if I’d come at him with a knife. It’s a hall of mirrors. You’re the cast as the monster while he’s the one actually being mean. Oh but you can actually have RSD and be perfectly nice. My therapist told me. It’s just a case of recognising it for what it is and then not inflicting it on your loved ones. It’s a choice. You have my sympathy. I hope he can learn...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Off the roller ... -
I was so happy to read your update. Your posts have always been appreciated.>>> on Forum topic - Divorced over a year now...
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by: Swedish coast -
C, so nice to get an update! I’ve been thinking about you. Moving slowly through early stages of dating with a decent man now, I recognize your thought that living alone may be the best option. I’m happy for you, having found peace.>>> on Forum topic - Divorced over a year now...
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by: J -
is not exactly the problem. Finding the "right people" ....as you mentioned, really is the crux of the matter. "For artists and bohemians, it can make a creative community happen." Let's look at this idea of "artists" and "bohemians" as two separate things that seem to go together. I'm not arguing they don't, but for me, it's more like this.... My artistic "talent" is just something I have or own. I didn't ask for it, it's just there, it is, it exists...or...something "I do" at...>>> on Forum topic - It's Insidious
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by: Groot Lover -
All the best>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: J -
what you said here, so eloquently at that. I wanted to hone in on one thing you said which is very profound. "Any time a man or women attempts to (think for) rationalize how a certain situation should be viewed, or acted upon from the opposite sexes perspective, we'll be wrong 100% of the time, because we can never know what it's like to be what we can never be, so we can only assume! " Full stop. In terms of men or women as two separate groups, these two groups function differently...>>> on Forum topic - Partner sexually hyper focused
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by: Brodeybug -
thank you for all your suggestions, very helpful and I will look for that book.>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: c ur self -
After reading this thread, I will point out a few issue that I see here...One issue is the fundamental difference between all men and all women...Any time a man or women attempts to (think for) rationalize how a certain situation should be viewed, or acted upon from the opposite sexes perspective, we'll be wrong 100% of the time, because we can never know what it's like to be what we can never be, so we can only assume!...I hear you talking about cuddling etc., and all this touching from a women's...>>> on Forum topic - Partner sexually hyper focused
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by: J -
You've touched on the very heart of the matter for me, (and maybe for you ?? ) and if I'm to be completely honest with myself, I must admit the deeper core fear that's been driving me for so long. You said this: "I am dealing with my spouses and he's bringing into the mix all the lovely messiness of his childhood upbringing and his coping strategies that no longer work for him but he keeps applying them and doing them and expecting different results when he's doing the same thing over and over...>>> on Forum topic - It's Insidious
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by: Off the roller ... -
I follow this site religiously and somehow I missed this post. But thank you. This is me. I'll write more later but thank you for writing this.>>> on Forum topic - Emergency Course Correction
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by: Off the roller ... -
Hey J, for some reason your original post really resonated with me. I think it was your wording around escaping and your story of your mom...and how its repeating itself with your sister. I was a massive escaper growing up, because I felt so trapped and probably a load of other feelings that I've since pushed down. But reading your story gave me a bit of a light bulb moment for myself and really for those who have adhd around me.... I think the definition of insanity is to do the same...>>> on Forum topic - It's Insidious
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by: goldenfleece -
Thanks>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Couples Counselling UK (Swindon, Cheltenham or online)
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m sorry J, this all seems so hard. But with your description I understand a bit better I think. How about living with other people? In my country there is a lot of interest now in shared living spaces. It often means more affordable and nicer homes. For artists and bohemians, it can make a creative community happen. I do have a home but often long for company. Have been researching this a little.>>> on Forum topic - It's Insidious
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by: J -
This is a perfect example of the "let them eat cake" type solution. Zero cause and effect thinking......but...."Volenteering" is a virtue signal, ( and image projection )....and the free room and board part....came mostly from her posterior end as a "wishful thinking" to support the virtuousness of volunteering. This is coming from a woman who spent the past 45 years counseling college students on career paths....as a job !! Lol This is where it gets so out in left field I don't have...>>> on Forum topic - It's Insidious
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by: Groot Lover -
I think for me it was all about trying to understand the characteristics of ADHD and know that nothing is said out of malice. I recommend you read the book by Jefferson Fisher - ‘The Next Conversation’. It’s not aimed at ADHD specifically but it does help with trying to avoid arguments and his best advice for me was when someone says “I was only joking” respond with - well make it funnier or what part was I supposed to laugh at? It really works. My husband used to say it a lot. I think it was his...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: J -
Before I left my ex SO....one of the many labels she put on me was "loner". I stopped her right then and said "If you believe I'm a loner then you simply do not know me very well"..which is absolutely true. I enjoy being around people and being social. I've got a strong extroverted side to me that gets energized by being social instead of it draining me. My exSO was far more introverted than I am but according to the Briggs Meyers tests ( numerous times ) I come up ENFP / INFP split down the middle or...>>> on Forum topic - It's Insidious
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by: Brodeybug -
I had that conversation with him awhile ago - probably because something similar had happened, and he had no idea what gaslighting meant and has never been manipulative, and I do believe it is not intentional. It does not happen that often and I was so caught off guard. Plus I still can't get used to the conversations in his head that he thinks he is having with me and then when he says something to me and I am supposed to know what it is about... it kind of scares me. Thank you for your comments -...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Groot Lover -
Really glad you’ve found this site too. It’s been a blessing for me and although I’m still having to deal with these conversations in my own way, it has helped immensely just knowing that this is quite normal for someone with ADHD. Some might say it’s a form of gaslighting which to some extent it is but the difference being is, they are not consciously saying these things to gaslight you; they really do believe what they’ve spoken about has happened! Since posting my original post I have come to...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Brodeybug -
Yesterday was our anniversary, we don't make a big deal about it which is fine, but I bought him a card and did not say anything about how many years we have been married (6 but we have been together about 20). Anyway this AM, he says something to me - like from the middle of a conversation he was having in his head but I am supposed to know what it was (LOL), and he says something about it being 3 years that we have been married and that I said this yesterday to him. I said I did not say that and...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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