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by: J -
Coming back here for show and tell. I loved show and tell as a kid at school. One of my favorite! Lol I thought, sharing my thoughts and showing ( anyone reading this ). And specifically, this is not what most anyone has to do, but I do, in my current situation. I thought about labeling ( titling ) this comment a number of different things but I decided just to show you something instead Again, I had no intention of creating a whole discussion topic based on the "one scene" from a movie...>>> on Forum topic - Navigating a New Diagnosis and Impact on Marriage
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by: J -
last night. Actually, it wasn't a dream as much as that half awake state, when your eyes are still closed but your brain in just turning on, which is when I'll get these great thoughts or ideas that just pop into my head. It's that time when you're the most clear headed before all those other thoughts and ideas of what your suppose to do that day, actually flood my brain. And if I had any thoughts or ideas, otherwise about what I should be doing right now, or people trying to tell me what to...>>> on Forum topic - Navigating a New Diagnosis and Impact on Marriage
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by: J -
Just a quick note in case anyone who looked up the video scene I referred to. Johhny Depp made a reference to the "Vincent Black Shadow Factory Team" they rode for. It's a highly collectable British motorcycle built in the late 40's. It's a big heavy road bike...not a motocross style desert off road bike. They're worth a small fortune because so few of them were made. There is no "Factory Racing Team", and that line was not in the book. My favorite line in that entire scene...just in case you missed...>>> on Forum topic - Navigating a New Diagnosis and Impact on Marriage
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by: J -
It's interesting you mentioned your spouse going to the hospital after lots of sleep and rest. My X messages messaged me about a letter she recievied for me, and invited my over to pick it up. She was actually warm and friendly and invited me in for a while. That's coldness had lifted and we visited for a while. I cannot help but think, my concern for her well being and getting her that emergency propane bottle just in case didn't have something to do with it. She was very comfortable with me being...>>> on Forum topic - I feel like just giving up
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by: Off the roller ... -
Here to give validation as well. You arent crazy but you feel it. I too feel like being on the recieving end of my partners unmanaged adhd, unprocessed trauma and his comstant overwhelmed-ness of life, is a personal form of hell that feels like Dante's 10th level. My husband, too, is a "rester". Every day. Every. Damn. Day. For hours. I have no idea where the line is between actual need for rest (bc that would meanthere should be a form of restoration/recouping i feel??)...And what it looks...>>> on Forum topic - I feel like just giving up
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by: J -
Before I say even one word, I need to say up front, this is related to the topic at hand, when talking about the past and why I have so much trouble just "letting it go". And why I can't do #1 in the list of things to help you do this. This involves the "replaying painful memories" in your head. This involves this "thing " I have. The blessing and a curse thing called " autobiographical scene memory" which I've only really recently discovered exactly what to call it? I know I have it, because I...>>> on Forum topic - Navigating a New Diagnosis and Impact on Marriage
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by: J -
Having been through everything you're saying, and also only recently ( in the past few years ) discovered that I also developed CPTSD from my childhood experienced long ago, the single most beneficial practice thar has helped me is Buddhism. It's NOT a religion even though some treat it as such. As a philosophy or practice to live by.....as a mental grounding practice, it has had real world positive effects on my own healing process. Realizing, I had to heal first, before I could be a good partner to...>>> on Forum topic - Navigating a New Diagnosis and Impact on Marriage
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by: honestly -
There's a phrase in my head about my relationship with my ex, and my ex himself, that kind of defines why we couldn't fix things: 'the problem was never the problem, the problem was that he would never admit there was a problem.' He was also a master of DARVO, which was incredibly corrosive. So even when he got the ADHD diagnosis his response was that the problem was me because I was particularly bad at dealing with ADHD. This is not you. You see the problem now. But your wife has been carrying...>>> on Forum topic - Navigating a New Diagnosis and Impact on Marriage
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by: J -
.>>> on Forum topic - Was taught to give unconditionally
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by: J -
This is absolutely true. The people who know us best ( or closest ) many times think they us when they they're not always right. I do appreciate you connecting with me on this. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. This just happened, so this is a great example on how this works. This is part of my grand experiment, or, alternative lifestyle you might say. It's very interesting how this dycotomy for sure. And right off the bat, I'll use the term "ferel self" to highlight this duality. It's not...>>> on Forum topic - Was taught to give unconditionally
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by: J -
...that IMHO, this is how God works. I attribute this to the creator. I'm not here to argue the existence of God or even what that word means. I have no idea what "God" is truly. I only understand how God works and this is it. I don't even have to know what God is ( what ever that thing we call "God" is ) to know "him" by his work. In the English language at least, there's no allowance for "it" in terms of God so by default humans give "it" a gender. Why would the creator need a gender? The...>>> on Forum topic - How to be Patient
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m sorry, J.>>> on Forum topic - Was taught to give unconditionally
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by: 1Melody1 -
I'm really sorry to hear about your sister. It sounds like she makes a lot of assumptions about who you are based on her own story about you. It's really frustrating when people create their own narratives and are so resolute about them. I can definitely understand your choice to remain outside of her orbit.>>> on Forum topic - Was taught to give unconditionally
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by: J -
I also considered the fact, that Jane might be my perfect mate...as my counter part. It's the only logical assumption I cam come up with ?>>> on Forum topic - How to be Patient
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by: J -
With what Swedish said : I generally don’t think people change much at all, and certainly not if they don’t want to. The first part I heard before, "people don't change". I've argued that they do before, but I now have a better idea of how to say what changes and what doesn't change, using myself as an example. This gets into the realm of the uncanny but what I'm about to say, is true. This is not some fictional accounting or vague memory of a dream or fantasy I had that did't happen. Its...>>> on Forum topic - How to be Patient
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by: honestly -
You could be my ex. I could be your wife. I lived through this, from her point of view. It's so sad. I feel for you, both of you. I'm almost crying here. I concur again with Swedish, that consistency is the best thing you can offer her now. Stick with it. Show up for her. Keep showing up for her. Be consistent, kind, and caring. Be present. After 25 years with someone with extreme inattentive ADHD, I don't think of it so much as insulin, or a broken leg. I think of it more a limitation on...>>> on Forum topic - Navigating a New Diagnosis and Impact on Marriage
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by: honestly -
What Swedish said: I agree.>>> on Forum topic - How to be Patient
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by: J -
and I have a case of it in my trunk.>>> on Forum topic - Scrutiny
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by: J -
I absolutely do not take this as an attack and appreciate your concern. And I remember the many discussions about your ex wife and how it went no where. You endured more than I think I could have so kudos to you for that. A few things about what I said. I've already moved past that and need to update that comment first of all. Instead of saying "not suited for a relationship " ..the edited version is more like, there's possibly fewer good matches for me. And even more specifically, I'm not...>>> on Forum topic - Scrutiny
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by: c ur self -
I hope you are well, I was just reading this thread...Lot's of your thoughts recorded here...I would like to respond to one thing you said in your first comment...And give my thoughts on something I've picked up for years, and in this thread...This is not an attack...Been sharing thoughts w/you for 13 years...I only want the best for you in life...You said that you have come to the conclusion that you just may not be cut out to be in a relationship...I have posted this reality (reality in my...>>> on Forum topic - Scrutiny
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