-
by: Swedish coast -
Reason may go out the window with ADHD in instances like this. To protect their self-esteem, an ADHD deciever might decide the problem isn’t their theft, but for instance you not appreciating them enough. I was thoroughly decieved. My ex told me when he moved out none of our agreements for 20 (undiagnosed) years had been real, since he’d always agreed with me for lack of choice. He took no responsibility for the choices we’d made. He then proceeded to accuse me of years of abuse. I...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
-
by: 1Melody1 -
There are so many times I thought, "If I explained this situation to 100 strangers on the the street, 100 of them would be able to understand what I'm saying. Why can't he??" But my husband at the time couldn't. There were times that it didn't matter what I said or how I said it or how common-sense-logical a situation was, he could only see his perspective and it was unshakable. I don't think it was ill-intent, but an inability to comprehend his impact on other people. I'm really sorry that you...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
-
by: adhd32 -
You didn't ever hold him accountable for his actions. First time was a warning but you did not set boundaries and hold him to them. He did it again and again with impunity knowing you would still be there accepting his financial abuse. Not sure why you are baffled, you accepted his actions multiple times in 5 years. It seems that you are not able to accept that he is a thief. It seems you are expecting him to miraculously change but the person who needs to changes YOU. Stop expecting changed behavior...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
-
by: sickandtired -
ADHD is a brain function disorder. The executive functioning part of his brain developed differently than yours. Executive functions like planning, organizing and following through on promises are affected. He is literally unable to see that he has broken your trust. Let me make an analogy: Just like a person suffering from polio who is unable to walk is not “lazy”, a person suffering from adhd is not doing these things because he is “selfish”. He is literally unable to grasp that his behaviors cause...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
-
by: Neuchatel81 -
I appreciate the comments. Even after all this time together, I am baffled that he is unable to comprehend that breaking a mutual agreement (not once but 3 times) is more than just “poor judgement” as he claims. I told him his actions broke my trust in him, but he just states that is “my opinion” as if it is not true. How is he unable to see that his actions are hurtful and selfish? Maybe I should be more realistic in that he has shown me multiple times that his business/clients are more important to...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
-
by: goldenfleece -
Thanks we had tried her but she isn't taking on anyone else and we seem to be getting little response from the others - will keep trying!>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Couples Counselling UK (Swindon, Cheltenham or online)
-
by: sickandtired -
I have a dear friend who is suffering in her old age because she didn’t rein in her husband’s thoughtless spending and dipping into their retirement accounts. She’s 72 now, and is forced to work as a school crossing guard because social security payments are not enough to live on. She hates her life now, and deeply regrets that she let his bad financial decisions ruin her quality of life in what is supposed to be her golden years. Swedish is right. Get an attorney. Your guy cannot change his...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
-
by: Swedish coast -
So sorry to hear this. He does sound unaware of how his actions affect you, and even that he’s betrayed your agreement about retirement funds. I don’t think you should allow him control of your personal resources. I agree the best would be to get legal help immediately. ADHD showing up as betrayal like this is in my experience coupled with such shame that the person will do anything to deny the betrayal. If he can make you emotionally accept it and move on, he’s succeeded and can...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
-
by: Neuchatel81 -
Husband was to speak to me yesterday about business plan/budget. His idea was to give me breakdown of new business venture to make money, nothing about business budget or cutting expenses. He also indicated that I am punishing him for his past broken promises by not agreeing to go ahead with the new house we had been planning (claims I am holding him hostage). It is too apparent that he is incapable of finding a way out of this behavior. I have needed surgery scheduled in mid-April that will...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
-
by: Looking for hope -
I really feel you. Last year my wife decided after 3 years of being for all intents and purposes unemployed that she would go into business for herself. I did A LOT of work to help her make a business plan, make revenue projections, and decide whether to register as an S-Corp. (If you're not in the US or a tax nerd, know that it's just an option for how small business owners recognize the business's income.) Well it turns out she basically abandoned the business within a few months, having only...>>> on Forum topic - It's tax time again!
-
by: J -
you slice it, it's still bread at the end the day. As the saying goes.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
-
by: adhd32 -
You have been up against this for quite some time. The only way for a change to happen is on YOU. Call it a day and go see an attorney. Or, continue on w him draining your life savings for a business that isn't making money and go down with the sinking ship. There isn't another choice.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
-
by: J -
C, what I heard was you saying your life was peaceful......then you said a bunch of other stuff about different parts of it.....then you ended by saying your life was peaceful....I'm glad to hear that. You also sound so much lighter than before.>>> on Forum topic - Divorced over a year now...
-
by: Neuchatel81 -
Your comments really did strike home with me. For years I have thought that maybe it was me just being too particular and difficult. Now I realize that most of the time (not all) I am very reasonable in what I ask of him. I too hope he can make better choices at this point. I do see him making some effort but just hope it is not too little, too late for both of us.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
-
by: Off the roller ... -
So I heard Karen Doherty on the adhd chatter podcast and just thought she was amazing. She's a UK Melissa :) (kidding admin!) But if you go to her site, I think she offers a list of trained therapist, at thr very least she has the right resources. She's got a TV show, blue therapy, on right now There is also a blog article by Rachel ban on this site that has questions you should ask the therapist. I used them recently and was able to suss put a therapist that claimed they were trained...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Couples Counselling UK (Swindon, Cheltenham or online)
-
by: honestly -
that attack thing; it’s RSD. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. I’d ask my ex about his plans, for eg, and he would react as if I’d come at him with a knife. It’s a hall of mirrors. You’re the cast as the monster while he’s the one actually being mean. Oh but you can actually have RSD and be perfectly nice. My therapist told me. It’s just a case of recognising it for what it is and then not inflicting it on your loved ones. It’s a choice. You have my sympathy. I hope he can learn...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
-
by: Off the roller ... -
I was so happy to read your update. Your posts have always been appreciated.>>> on Forum topic - Divorced over a year now...
-
by: Swedish coast -
C, so nice to get an update! I’ve been thinking about you. Moving slowly through early stages of dating with a decent man now, I recognize your thought that living alone may be the best option. I’m happy for you, having found peace.>>> on Forum topic - Divorced over a year now...
-
by: J -
is not exactly the problem. Finding the "right people" ....as you mentioned, really is the crux of the matter. "For artists and bohemians, it can make a creative community happen." Let's look at this idea of "artists" and "bohemians" as two separate things that seem to go together. I'm not arguing they don't, but for me, it's more like this.... My artistic "talent" is just something I have or own. I didn't ask for it, it's just there, it is, it exists...or...something "I do" at...>>> on Forum topic - It's Insidious
-
by: Groot Lover -
All the best>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
Learn to thrive in your relationship
Upcoming seminars & support groups
Knowledge is the first step to a thriving ADHD relationship. Join our upcoming live couples' seminar to learn what you need to know.
Next one starts on Mar 25, 2026. Sign up Now!
Need a little support? Join one of our small groups non-ADHD partner support groups, led by experts. Spring Groups start on Mar 23, 2026. RSVP Now!
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
Register for free marriage tips here!
"Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."
Free Treatment E-Book
