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by: Swedish coast -
If this ADHD had been managed (medication and therapy), perhaps the family needn’t have broken. Sadly, I have a couple of friends who’ve been left by untreated neurodivergent husbands who’ve felt overwhelmed by family life and sought some new romance to replace it. In neither of these situations have the wives even considered to plead or advocate for family reunion or ADHD treatment. They’ve felt insulted, angry and sad, but immediately started to rebuild their lives, which has then proven...>>> on Forum topic - Leaving the Family
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by: Swedish coast -
You feel resentful because you have good reason to. Parenting isn’t knocking other people up repeatedly while taking no responsibility for the resulting individuals… There’s really not much excuse for this behavior, I know very devoted and hard working fathers with ADHD. Sure, it’s probably not ill intent as much as dysfunction. Still the cause doesn’t matter so much for those who suffer the outcome. I feel empathetic with you and your children.>>> on Forum topic - Feeling Like a Single Parent At Times
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by: J -
After writing this, and thinking about my sister, I realized what got me thru so many difficult times with my family was humor. It still gets me thru even now. But this one particular event, that I've told here before is worth repeating especially since I have more context to ad which makes it even more funny now. The sister I'm question, is the same sister that, when my mother was laying on her death bed only an hour away from actually dying I can relate better in everything I've shared here...>>> on Forum topic - The Debs are watching
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by: J -
Shortly after I wrote this post about my personal situation; In light of everything that's going on with my family ( and possibly others can relate to ) is the fact, that the pressure I'm recieving from my sister to conform or to do what she "needs" me to do, is not about me. It's about her need, to feel better, to stop worrying, and not feel shame. Shame is the big one....and there are multiple reasons why. Without going into those reasons, and even the fact that she has inside help ( the Debs...>>> on Forum topic - The Debs are watching
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by: J -
I've wondered about myself being AuDHD like yourself but at this stage in my life, I really don't care if I am or not. It's just another label to add my my own list of labels that are less relevant to anything else going on. I really don't care one way or the other since it won't change who I am. ADHD, AuDHD, Autism, OCD what ever. You can call me "yo mammie " if you want to, I really don't care. It's no skin off my nose...you can call me what ever you like. But I have been very interested in...>>> on Forum topic - My AuDHD Story
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by: Swedish coast -
There’s a big difference between Peter Pan and a Vagabond. The former is delusional and catered for. The latter has been traveling and developed specific survival skills. Easy to see which description would be most accurate for you, then.>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: J -
Swedish. Yesterday I saw a name on social media that I recognized. It was the name of a man who lived right across the street from my house growing up, but, there was no way he could be alive. I looked at his profile and immediately saw a number of people I knew in his friends list and also noticed, he was a Vietnam veteran. I thought, he has to the son. I friend requested him, and sure enough, he lived right across the street but I'd never met him or talked to him yet, I knew his parents and his...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: J -
I can't go confront my sister without thinking, she sees "Peter Pan". Ironically, she is a huge Disney fan! Lol And dropping by with a maple bar for a less than a half hour is not a huge investment in any way. It's just a quick visit to say happy birthday and leaving it that. I have no expectations or need for anything more than that. Your situation is different. A different kind of balance is needed I guess ?>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: J -
This might seem a little unorthodox but my vehicle dash board is hummed and unusually shaped. Thise cell phone holders and attachments really were going to work. I tried and the attachments kept slipping or falling off. So I took my old motorcycle cell phone holder that had screw holes for the handlebars. I screwed the thing directly into the dash with wood screws ( 2 ) right in front of my line of sight. In essence, I created a fighter jet heads up display right just off to one side of my center...>>> on Forum topic - Capacity, Hypervigilance and Fear
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by: J -
I've always called it "laser focus" which seems different than hyper focusin . I've heard the terms being fixated and/or locking, but those actually are detrimental to being a good defensive driver. Situational Awareness ( SA ) and diving skills ( experience ) and just enjoying driving in general. What's actually taught me to be a good driver in a car is from riding a motorcycle truth be told. And learning a number of driving skill sets including how to avoid perceptual anomalies. ( perception...>>> on Forum topic - Capacity, Hypervigilance and Fear
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by: Swedish coast -
I think what you’re doing - small kind gestures - are probably better than what I’m doing (sitting on my hands on loved lost one’s birthdays, avoiding them like the plague). Like you, my natural tendency is to care and let it show. I just can’t handle them, at all, so avoid them completely. Keeping out of touch is a recommended way to heal after trauma. Still it seems those who don’t lose contact, and can reshape their emotions for the loved one over time, might suffer less than I do. ...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: Swedish coast -
My ex is a very good and also safe driver. In some way ADHD distraction doesn’t seem to affect driving? I’ve wondered about this too.>>> on Forum topic - Capacity, Hypervigilance and Fear
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by: J -
But, It comes from a good place. I expect nothing from her. I have no future notions of ever getting back together ( absolutely not ) or wanting validation or repair from her in any way. Friendship is good with me, even within her limited capacity. ( on her terms ) Today is her birthday, and I struggled with the idea of dropping off something? Cards can carry am emotional component, especially when they're written by someone else! Even within what you said about keeping my distance....>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: Swedish coast -
I feel for you. This must be hard. Defensiveness is something I’ve not ever been able to deal with in family members. If somebody hurts you, and there’s no way out of it for you except burying the hurt, or alternatively hurting ten times more from confronting them, that’s an unsustainable arrangement if you ask me. I’m trying to deal with this now through boundary setting and by revealing less personal information. But those strategies only have a chance to work since I don’t live...>>> on Forum topic - My AuDHD Story
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by: J -
Since I just came from a dual diagnosis relationship, both of us confirmed ADHD with other co-morbities involved. I can speak to our situation which might help answer your question. Having worked on my household chores and participation for many years before, I was well down this road in both self awareness and my skill sets in doing a reasonable job at doing my assigned duties. I walked in the door "armed and ready" to tackle this issue. From my male with ADHD perspective, I was kind of...>>> on Blog post - ADHD and Household Chores
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by: J -
is non acceptance. Expecting the same is acceptance. That's the key right there Swedish.>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: MsAuDHD -
How do you handle it when you have two ADHD people in the house? In particular, one winds up picking up all the slack and learning how to function because it has to be done but the other is the typical ADHD example above?>>> on Blog post - ADHD and Household Chores
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by: Swedish coast -
Read a good text from a woman who’d spent years explaining herself to and analyzing her mother in law. She’d poured her energy into this difficult relationship in hopes of being understood and accepted. Then finally she stopped trying. She went to family gatherings expecting the unpleasant remarks and derogatory attitude of her mother in law. She got the same comment about her hair, the same unfavorable comparison of her cooking to her sister in law’s. But it no longer meant so much,...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: J -
This using animals to tell stories I've found is not only helpful for me, I'm actually having fun with it. This made me laugh, retelling this story to myself using these animal characters. I just remembered a memory from those crowd control days, it's a great story but also, it's the best example of winning the battle without a fight. Much better than myself the Honey Badger. LOL And if not for anything else, it's a great example of what true "strength and power " really is, both physically...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: Swedish coast -
I think there can be several reasons for what you describe, perhaps it’s good she gets a work up. Are you worried? I hope you’ll be able to keep your distance to your X, since you’ve not fared well in contact with her? All the best, J.>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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