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by: 1Melody1 -
It's so good to hear you have options if you need them, Off the roller. Wow, a break for you where he's at a treatment centre would be amazing! I fully understand not wanting to leave your house. I was in love with our home together - it was my dream home and I grieved us selling it to buy separate residences. It has been almost 5 years and when pictures of it pop up in my Google Photo Memories, it still physically hurts. Thank you so much for taking my comments with the love they were...>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: Neuchatel81 -
Thank you for your input and kind words. I am taking my time to make a decision about my future. Husband can retire, but he wishes to keep working for a variety of reasons (he deals mainly with senior citizens and feels as if he is the only one who actually cares about them). I am going to find a new counselor. Husband states he will go to counseling with me, but will see what that means. At this point, I am beyond angry, but am just very sad it has come to this after so many years together. How can a...>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: Swedish coast -
I think as a rule few people like to recommend someone to leave their husband. They think they don’t know enough. It could backfire. Et cetera. In retrospect, I wish my family of origin had done just that. Our family lived under their noses for extended periods and I confided in them. For many years I did little but tell of how upset I was with my husband. After divorce, I’ve realized their listening passively to this but never intervening was not neutral. It actually normalized our...>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: Off the roller ... -
I so hear you gurl. And appreciate it. Even if its not what I want to hear either. Everything you say is true too. I've come to terms that if my son had a marriage or relationship like this, I feel like I failed him as a parent. Big time. I do not wish this on him. An old therapist once said if someone was to call in to a radio show and tell stories identical to those I've already experienced, what would I think the listening public would do?? And the answer is clear. Leave him. Kick him out....>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: 1Melody1 -
I know you don't like people suggesting you need to get out of this situation so I try not to comment on your posts anymore. But honestly, I believe you must know in your heart what the only real solution left is. You don't deserve to be treated this way and if you had a loved one in a situation like your own, I can't imagine you'd be encouraging them to wither away further and subject their children to constant dysfunction in the name of staying in sickness and in health. You know firsthand what...>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: honestly -
I hadn’t thought about the conjunction of menopause and ADHD before - guess it’s likely to be a challenge to say the least. HRT might help - but it’s a bit of a blunt instrument, just topping up Oestrogen and Progesterone whilst leaving everything else haywire, including adrenaline and cortisol, so its unlikely have the effects you would hope for in terms of her anger management. Menopause isn’t a cause of anger - it just takes the brakes off a bit; it disinhibits, rather than changes who you are. The...>>> on Forum topic - Hello, friends
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by: 1Melody1 -
I think in retrospect a lot of us feel like we've made foolish decisions (I know I do!), but things build, lives get intertwined and love/hope/family are powerful. Don't blame yourself as you haven't done anything wrong. I've been with you on this forum for some time and I think you're doing all the right things in protecting yourself financially now. IMO you have given so many chances and the likelihood of change is low. If you can still afford to retire if you split, I think that's something...>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: honestly -
of me trying and him not trying. We had counselling. Daughter is broadly fine but I think didn’t need so much from her dad in terms of role model (she’s gay). Son is struggling with self esteem and has internalised a lot of shame and blame from his dad, that he’s now working through. Son and I have talked about this and other incidents, but daughter is not keen to. I struggled on and then hit a wall following a series of littler incidents, to do with his bad temper and impatience towards me while I...>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: Swedish coast -
This seems like a terrific idea. You should have support when addressing these issues since your partner doesn’t seem fit to be trusted. Thinking of you and wishing you the best. ❤️>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m so sorry about this. ADHD can apparently wreak havoc on a partner’s financial integrity. I’d recommend to quickly get hold of a lawyer and get help to protect your assets. And no, I wouldn’t ever build a house with a partner who treats agreements like that. Wishing you all the best.>>> on Forum topic - Finances and Broken Trust
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by: Off the roller ... -
So this particular BIL has experienced this type of breakdown before and he was and is extremely supportive. He's helping me big time. But also yes, my husband is a great masker however this is severely cracked. And im here for it. Its time to get the light on this and heal and figure out what the next step is.>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: Swedish coast -
Is it perhaps good your extended family witnessed this incident? Is there any support to be had from your brothers in law? I have been traumatized by my ADD ex hiding his symptoms from others so well, his entire family seemed convinced his only problem was being married to despicable me… and my family hasn’t believed me. I was the only one who saw how deeply dysfunctional he was. I don’t know if your husband drawing this kind of attention to himself will give you more support from...>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: Off the roller ... -
Between the incident and separation?... if you don't mind me asking?? And what happened in between, did you talk to your kids about the incident at all? How did they fair? My husband disappoints us every day but this was a big time new low.>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: honestly -
of this is familiar- is what I lived with. A similar event was when my ex drank himself stupid (not unusual) but this time came home bleeding from a headwound, and lying to me that he’d only had a couple of drinks. He was capable enough to lie but he sounded slurred and was unsteady so I thought he was having a bleed on the brain and I had to call an ambulance for him. I only found out later from a friend that he’d had a skinful. All this happened in front of our 14 year old son, who came home from...>>> on Forum topic - Hitting rock bottom
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by: Ovid99 -
Thank you so much for the replies. I will do some reading as suggested.>>> on Forum topic - More sad than angry and frustrated...
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by: Off the roller ... -
We've been there. A lot of us know exactly how you feel and how hard it is. Please remember that your part is only 50% and that's it. You'll send yourself to an early grave with the "I need to do..." or anything else that require more than a usual amount of effort for yourself. Because its never enough and it won't matter. I'd suggest starting with some radical acceptance content to help you come to terms eith what you're dealing with and seeing it for what it is. Dr ramini content is chefs kiss...>>> on Forum topic - More sad than angry and frustrated...
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by: tradish -
Denial and the marriage track record are huge red flags. Remember, he’s on his best behavior now. I recommend not marrying this guy>>> on Forum topic - How do you deal with the constant disappointment?
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by: honestly -
This looks like Rejection Sensitivity Disorder (RSD) which tends to mean you can’t have a normal conversation without being cast as a villain. I’m in recovery after years of this from my ex - anything other than radical acceptance of behaviour and contant praise was a problem. But that doesn’t mean you should take it - an ADHD diagnosis is not a license to behave badly - it seems in fact it’s actually just a description of certain behaviours (the brain structure theory and the dopamine theory have...>>> on Forum topic - More sad than angry and frustrated...
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by: Starlight123 -
I feel your pain. I truly do. My partner sounds extremely similar to yours. I’m so sorry for what you’re dealing with.>>> on Forum topic - And it continues ...
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by: Swedish coast -
I find one of the most exasperating things with my ADD ex his avoidance of keeping promises. He would agree to something, then act as if that agreement was never made. He’s highly intelligent, though his judgment seemingly clouded with years of mental illness. Though I used to grudgingly accept his flakiness as an ADD symptom, I now see him as a person lying to avoid binding commitments. Possibly because an ADD mind knows itself and that they won’t want to follow through on promises later on. But they...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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