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by: J -
This using animals to tell stories I've found is not only helpful for me, I'm actually having fun with it. This made me laugh, retelling this story to myself using these animal characters. I just remembered a memory from those crowd control days, it's a great story but also, it's the best example of winning the battle without a fight. Much better than myself the Honey Badger. LOL And if not for anything else, it's a great example of what true "strength and power " really is, both physically...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: Swedish coast -
I think there can be several reasons for what you describe, perhaps it’s good she gets a work up. Are you worried? I hope you’ll be able to keep your distance to your X, since you’ve not fared well in contact with her? All the best, J.>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: J -
I want to mentioned something that I recently brought up when I visited X recently and even before that. The urgent are trip she's still paying off, and these "mysterious " fainting spells and or, panic attacks she's experiencing. I'm not a doctor, but I do notice patterns. This sounds almost identical to what she described as a list of symptoms. She hasn't been fully tested so this is just me stabbing in the dark. Vasovagal syncope = a specific acute event sudden dizziness...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: J -
One more thing to add....that Vagus nerve shutdown I just experienced. THAT....is what damm near killed me. If I had to go through that even one more time, I don't think this old body could take it. I mean, that wreaked havoc on my entire body and nervous system: heart, breating, my entire GI tract, sleep...the whole nine yards as they say. If anything, that's what I'm not willing to risk even one more time. J>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: J -
I bought the book : The Body Keeps the Score...and am on this Chapter about developmental trauma. About half way through.... Without going through all I know about X and her entire growing up experience, this helps explain some of it to me, and about myself for that matter. We both experienced childhood trauma and that part is clear. Swedish, what you just said in part, is what I also concluded after writing all this yesterday. And I'm at this point myself for any relationship I might have...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m sorry about the incident with the predatory person and your ex. To me the situation seems to contain a lack of boundaries on her part, and this is really her responsibility. If the two of you welcome a guest to your home, she should signal your and her bond to the guest, so there is no question of how things are. If she doesn’t, that’s really on her. Humiliating, I’m sure. But really, in that position you can’t blame yourself, since it’s not you opening up for...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: Swedish coast -
You just did the equivalent of walking over the bridge to somebody else and looking at the view from their perspective… thank you. Yes, I feel fundamentally unsafe. Despite trying hard I haven’t been able to handle the behavior of ex, his family, my family or certain people at work. Neither do I understand them? They seem threatening and impossibly strange. I think you have a good point about the marriage being a catalyst, turning other relationships much worse than they were. A total and...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: honestly -
It sounds so difficult. You seem to be hyper vigilant and desperately self conscious- ie any slight infraction can lead to who knows what horrors. I hear you; I think I’ve been somewhere like that. I never felt safe. But it feels like I’m not there anymore and I do feel safe now, I’m trying to work out how that has changed. Obviously you are dealing with different people, a different history, and are not me, so the same process, even if it could be replicated, would not necessarily work. But it...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: J -
Was from the feeling you know better, but did something anyway. In this case, the entire situation felt humiliating because I feel I could have have stopped it, but missed my chance. It's that feeling like you want a do over, to do it differently, but in this case, it's even more conflicted than that. I was feeling like, what I would normally do under any other circumstances ( like back in those crowd control days )...where I know/knew exactly what to do, but was helpless to do anything about...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: Swedish coast -
I think you’re telling about an experience of extending yourself too far for someone and feeling humiliated? But sorry, I think I lost your train of thought a little?>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: Swedish coast -
I did this at a lunch at my parents a few months ago. I brought no kids. I spoke only of positive or neutral things. What happens then is I become a more sophisticated person, more fun, and it seems like I have my life together. So then I think they assume my withdrawal from them is aggressive. I fear they will quietly punish me. In reality the withdrawal is self-preservation. My life is not together, I’m in pain and on the verge of burnout. But I can’t convey this in any way without risking...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: honestly -
You could just do less; you don’t have to cut people off; just show up as yourself, do what you feel comfy with, and they can like it or lump it. You then have to learn too that you have to like it or lump it yourself- can you accept yourself? Can you somehow find a way to please yourself? Because if you can life certainly gets more pleasurable. xx>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: J -
here to let you know how much I understand so many things contained in what you just said. And because it's in my nature to say a lot, I'll try to say it from both, my ferel Adult ( Tarzan, the Noble Savage ) and my ferel child self in order to tell my story. I concluded, I can't tell the moral to the story unless I tell it?? Go figure? And to be completely open and honest, I'm struggling again myself and trying to resolve these feelings. And this is a really delicate subject so I don't want to...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m afraid you’re right. Like you I seem to forever try to avoid criticism from difficult people (especially parents, even co-workers). It’s clear they will never accept my needs or emotions, no matter how much I do to meet theirs. Also I’ve internalized their demands. I no longer know what standards are mine. My ex complicated this. He originally was a breath of fresh air, much more relaxed than my high-achieving family and with other priorities. I was impressed with his social skills and...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: J -
.>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: honestly -
So I’m out of the ADHD Relationship now for over a year and in that time I have come to the realisation that he is also (and I know this is boring and obvious but that doesn’t make it any less true) a straightup narcissist. Perfected outward self, horrifying other that emerged in the privacy of our relationship.And I’ve also come to understand that I have my own need to be ‘unassailable’ - hyper aware of my imperfections (real and fictional- the narcissistic parenting and partner helped with that),...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: honestly -
Yeah here in the UK it’s not crazy freestyle or anything like that - just swimming in nature rather than in a man made pool. Some things don’t immediately translate! Also we don’t have hot springs. The best we have is tepid. Which maybe explains the national character.>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: Swedish coast -
Thank you J for thinking with me. I enjoy the story of the Swedish lady and Bob! You’re so right, J. Having people over is great. It’s not supposed to exhaust the host. Only make guests relax, because they don’t need to be responsible for whatever you’ve prepared. That’s the point of hosting. The problem is hosting at somebody else’s house, if they want you to represent their intricate preferences perfectly, but are incapable of giving instructions. That’s asking a lot of...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: J -
One thing that I did more recently, in figuring myself out, was to go back and understand why I did so terribly in math in school. I'm not a natural with computers or programming either. I'd make a bad IT Tech that has to figure trouble shoot programs and computers (drives me nuts sometimes ) I find word math problems especially exasperating! Sometimes, I just give up trying it's so difficult. Probability and Statistics was a nightmare class in college, a requirement for my degree. I was happy to...>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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by: J -
This hit my funny bone really hard ! Until I read after, what you actually meant by it which actually sounds fun! One of my favorite things is to find natural hots springs ( non commercialized...no structures built ) and go soak. I have several mapped put to explore...as we speak.>>> on Forum topic - Special days
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