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by: Cinder_ella_20 -
Your post is so honest and I appreciate you sharing. You need to decide for yourself if you want to keep living the status quo in your relationship or choose yourself and go on a different path. You deserve to live your life in a fulfilling way for yourself. We only get one chance to live it! I am in the same place as you are in my thought process. I won't tell you what to do, as it's a personal decision. I've read books, asked questions, saw a therapist, and approached my partner...>>> on Forum topic - Different levels
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by: 1Melody1 -
Not about finances. but I had the same struggles in my marriage trying to get my then-husband to see the impact of his actions on others. I don't know that there is a way unless your therapist can break through, and even then, the story he tells himself in his mind is what likely wins. With me, I was working, doing all the parenting, cooking, cleaning, etc. When I was frustrated and exhausted, he saw that as my problem... I do too much. Not that I HAD to do too much because he did nothing. When...>>> on Forum topic - Deflection from Spouse
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by: Cinder_ella_20 -
Your post resonates with me so much. I feel for you. You're not alone! I'm 20+ years into my relationship and my partner symptoms have also gotten more pronounced as the years went by, probably the last 5. I feel like I carry most of the load at home with the kids and pets, while also working. Now I'm at the same point as you where want to just scream also. I agree with Sweedish Coast. There isn't much you can do. He has to be aware of his symptoms and how they affect your relationship...>>> on Forum topic - Burned out partner
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by: Swedish coast -
Thinking of you and wishing you well!>>> on Forum topic - Deflection from Spouse
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I have already done all I can do to protect myself financially without filing for divorce. Husband has agreed to return to therapy, but I will try to see therapist on my own first as well to determine next best steps. I too am sorry I am going through ALL of this. I realize my husband may be dealing with more than I can see, but he has had decades to make it better but little effort has been made. I am just extremely sad.>>> on Forum topic - Deflection from Spouse
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by: Swedish coast -
I think you need to A) protect yourself financially ASAP and B) protect yourself emotionally. A would require a meeting with a financial advisor. B perhaps a temporary place to stay just to breathe, perhaps find therapy, make decisions about how to proceed. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.>>> on Forum topic - Deflection from Spouse
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I told my husband yesterday I was no longer going to ask him for anything (at least for the short term) as I simply cannot stand the amount of stress that follow up causes (due to his inconsistent handling of most tasks). He considers it an “insult” that I do not trust him. How to explain to him that the “lack of trust” is directly related to what he has shown me over a number of years? It appears he does not connect his behavior with my feelings, as if I just created the lack of trust out of thin air...>>> on Forum topic - Deflection from Spouse
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by: J -
Off the Roller, you've said a few things that resonate and I have some thoughts of my own, in attempting to tie these things together. But first, I want to mention Kelsey Pheldner, the 31 year old woman who is about to break ALL !!! World Records ( for men and women ), rowing across the Pacific Ocean to Hawaii. * I bet she would go beyond precited here on this forum...and she's gone one better, beating all comers...beating the fastest mens record by about a week. So just now, when...>>> on Forum topic - Different levels
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I really appreciate your comments. I have really tried over the past few months, but also own that early on in our 40+ year relationship that rather than work with him for solutions, I just took over too many tasks in order to get them done - that was not a good option. In addition to our relationship disintegrating, I am dealing with the slow diminishment of my 96 year old mother who at least is in assisted living. Also, over the last 5 days, our 12 year old dog is now exhibiting signs of...>>> on Forum topic - Deflection from Spouse
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m positive you as non-ADHD partner can’t unilaterally solve the problems in the marriage. You have tried hard for months to modify your actions, he doesn’t change anything. Of course you are resentful, it’s because he’s not providing prerequisites for the marriage to work. Sadly, it seems often the non-ADHD partner also must take the initiative to end a dying relationship. ADHD inertia meaning no suggestions, no solutions means the non-ADHD partner is forced to take all responsibility for...>>> on Forum topic - Deflection from Spouse
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by: Neuchatel81 -
Husband has now told me since I resent him all the time through my behavior and actions, he no longer wishes to live like this but is unable to offer any other options/solutions. I have failed miserably. I have been making an effort to try to do things differently since February of this year, but it all has only gotten worse. Everytime I take responsibility, he considers it a back handed slap on HIM. I cannot combat this thinking and feel defeated.>>> on Forum topic - Deflection from Spouse
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by: Swedish coast -
Truly, doesn’t it seem like a lot of ADHD behavior is not conscious and the ADHD person blind to its effects? They may have no idea they’re bending reality or messing somebody else’s life up. I’ve concluded my ex is unaware he’s damaged my nervous system by his choices, then lied, taken advantage and been abusive. He’s conveniently forgotten. He has no idea why I can’t bear to see him nowadays. I’m honestly curious about how things are in that ADHD universe, it has little resemblance...>>> on Forum topic - Deflection from Spouse
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by: Swedish coast -
Can relate so much to this you describe, an ADHD spouse white-knuckling it every day. It’s easier to remember to be compassionate when it’s obvious. Mine tended to mask, not showing his true emotions to me or the children or anyone. But he was completely miserable and also incapable of changing anything. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I too want you to thrive…>>> on Forum topic - Different levels
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m sorry you feel burned out by your partner’s ADHD symptoms. It does sound like there is little you on your part can do to change this. He needs to find whatever resources available to treat his symptoms. In your place, I’d firmly suggest he addresses his issues. Melissa’s resources are useful for relationship work, if he’ll accept them. Meanwhile, please try to find things outside of the relationship to keep you buoyant. Friends and activities away from home were my best life savers...>>> on Forum topic - Burned out partner
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by: J -
Houseplant73, I think this is a good question to ask yoyrself. What would you be going back to and why would you in the first place? What is it about your relationahip ( or him ) that would makes it worth the effort.the work to be with him? I can share my own thoughts and feelings about this from a recent experience, and an emotional couple of days I've had. A little back story to get anyone reading this up to speed. Ill try to stay on the heighlights or it could get long ! ( par for the...>>> on Forum topic - Hope for reconciliation?
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by: 1Melody1 -
Here is the main subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD_partners/ Keep in mind this is very much for people who are struggling partners of those with ADHD so there will be a lot frustration on there. Here's an example of a conversation about living apart. There have been several over the years: https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD_partners/comments/1f791bk/living_separately_from_your_partner/ Here's a short discussion on this site about it too: https://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/...>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
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by: memoryshell -
umm. this looks like spam and unrelated unless im just not getting it>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
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by: memoryshell -
oh, this is really interesting to hear. Can you share a few links to examples? im kind of new to Reddit so a link to the subreddit would be helpful>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
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by: honestly -
glitched and saved twice>>> on Forum topic - Hope for reconciliation?
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by: honestly -
if your ADHD symptoms are the issue for him, and he doesn’t want to take that on, that’s entirely understandable and IMHO he deserves respect for setting that boundary and knowing himself well enough to do so. To pretend otherwise would be unfair on you, and lack integrity. I’m not sure him ‘needing to hear’ anything is the right approach - imho you should work on yourself, get your symptoms under control. If you can get medication and therapy and take responsibility for yourself and your symptoms,...>>> on Forum topic - Hope for reconciliation?
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