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by: honestly -
I do feel for you; it does sound very difficult. It's obviously impossible to know from outside, but I wonder if you might have RSD? It is a common feature of ADHD and other neurodiversities. My ex realising that he had RSD was the first step towards diagnosis for ADHD, and a major, major cause of trouble in our marriage. He received even the most calm, respectful and innocuous communication from me as personal attacks. If your wife has been trying to communicate with you...>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
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by: Shixsty -
Imma do my final act which is basically giving her all the gifts I promised to get her and making a gift basket as my final act. It’s not a way to win her back but atleast I know I kept all my promises. I also want her to realise rls aren’t easy but it’s like her friends are giving her some sort of fantasy cause they are in a honeymoon phase>>> on Forum topic - Broken Up By ADHD Partner
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by: 2Independent -
This is abusive behavior; so, as honestly writes, it sounds like a few things are going on here. Talking with a counselor might help you decide how to move forward and be kind to yourself.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Girlfriend
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by: honestly -
There’s some genuinely excellent advice and understanding here. Beyond the immediate issues I’d suggest you just get on with life, rather than passively waiting. Do your Uni work, socialise, hobbies, sports; crack on. A) that’s far more attractive and interesting in a potential partner than passivity and B) you only get one chance at life - best enjoy the things you have rather than wait for something else.>>> on Forum topic - Broken Up By ADHD Partner
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by: honestly -
my only expertise here is having a long marriage with a man with ADHD, and my daughter having a relationship with a woman with, it turned out, BPD. The latter was far more volatile and deliberately unkind. I don’t know this for sure, and a lot of what you describe is ADHD-y, the level of volatility and unkindless that you’re dealing with feels like the latter. Look at your own health wellbeing and self esteem. How are they doing? Is the relationship contributing to them or degrading them...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Girlfriend
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by: Swedish coast -
I tend to believe ADHD qualities are on a spectrum like many other things. People like me who don’t qualify for a diagnosis but have ADHD in close relatives may share some of these qualities. And so find them relatable and also attractive. It wouldn’t surprise me if ADHD minds would generally be drawn to one another? If pairing up with a fellow ADHDer would be more successful than with somebody else, I don’t know.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
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by: J -
personally. IMHO, ADHD has very little to do with why, my ADHD X and I didn't work out. I'm going to start using AuAHD for myself from now on. It has less to do with the classification or putting myself in a box, and more to do with establishing a difference between either ADHD or being on the spectrum by themselves. Neither fit neatly and I appear to be this third category where you have a little of both and neither by themselves. Yet, none this has that much to do with why we aren't...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
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by: Swedish coast -
I wish you well. You are obviously an empathetic and reflecting person, and I hope for the very best outcome for both you and your wife. The difference in wiring between ADHD people and those who love them is nothing but a tragedy.>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
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by: memoryshell -
thank you. I look forward to your thoughts>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
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by: memoryshell -
From my side, it’s been all about feeling abandoned - straddled with all responsibility and all decisions, him oblivious to family needs, no orientation, no sense of time, no self-awareness. No social life. No planning skills, poor executive skills, emotional reactivity and defensiveness. I definitely needed other things from my fellow parent and lover than he was able to provide. This is hard to hear but also painful because I know there's a lot of that in me. I'm much more...>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
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by: Swedish coast -
My heart cries reading this. What you describe - your wife’s expectations never changing, you feeling constantly inadequate with only her - is so sad. I’m the non-ADHD ex partner of a long relationship with three children. Although we had no diagnosis of severe inattentive ADHD in my ex for 20 years, and I therefore couldn’t have known how to deal with it properly, I still suspect I wouldn’t have been able to change my expectations even I I’d known. From my side, it’s...>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
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by: Off the roller ... -
I will come back on to write more but I wanted to commend you for your bravery and let you know how much it helps someone like me, non-Adhd (or at least possession of the higher amount of executive functioning skills) to read your entry. It's so hard to be vulnerable and I really do appreciate you posting this. I'm digesting what you're saying and will write more later but something stuck me from reading your post - it sounds like you already know the answer.>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
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by: 1Melody1 -
I know it's hard to hear, but unless she gets some help for this, absolutely nothing is going to change for you and it's likely to get worse the more and more comfortable she gets treating you this way. Next time you find yourself needing to leave the home is a perfect time. Something like "This time I'm not coming back until you start treatment for ADHD." Of course, you have to be prepared to stick to that. I'm sorry you're experiencing this.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Girlfriend
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by: Shixsty -
Since i know her, I feel like right now the best thing i have to do is wait and im willing to but im also going to focus on myself>>> on Forum topic - Broken Up By ADHD Partner
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by: Swedish coast -
There’s an inability to communicate boundaries I’ve seen in my ADHD ex, that resembles this. If your ex girlfriend feels uncomfortable with you, or pressured, or whatever, the adult thing for her to do is show or tell you herself. I think what you’re seeing now is someone letting her friends handle that she’s too weak or disorganized to make boundaries. Of course it’s hurtful for you to hear in retrospect you were bad for her, when you tried your best to love her. I’d...>>> on Forum topic - Broken Up By ADHD Partner
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by: Shixsty -
I did chase her for a bit then i went in no contact for 23 days n i reached out just to get blocked>>> on Forum topic - Broken Up By ADHD Partner
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by: J -
Shixty. What you just laid out in you're description is a pattern I'm familiar with. It reads exactly the same as a number of relationships I've been thru myself so I know how difficult this can be. You're young, in college, these relationships are MOST times, not meant to be permanent ones but ones you can learn from. I was always envious of seeing the couples who seemed to find their perfect partner for life at an early age. Some do, but most poeple I know including myself, have at least a handful...>>> on Forum topic - Broken Up By ADHD Partner
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m so empathetic about loving someone though knowing things aren’t right. In the scenario you describe, with chaotic emotions in her, on and off behavior, no discernible logic, I believe you must decide whether this will all make sense to you over time. It’s probably very hard to live with long term, not to mention perhaps bringing children into it. For myself, I’m finally deciding the behavior of several of my loved ones doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t stand it, however...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Girlfriend
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by: J -
I know I've mentioned this, probably years ago...but it's worth mentioning again in context to the "UnRalley" I'm heading to. In my house....3 things were like the Devil to my mom. I was forbidden to have: A gun A motorcycle Or....possibly the worst. Join a rock band! I was thinking about this last night. I first shot a shotgun at my best friends house with his dad at age 10. I use to ride, ANYONES...>>> on Forum topic - Short Term Goals
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by: J -
Independent, I've heard this before, about ruining vacations here on this forum. It's always men with ADHD and they're nueotypical wives however. I thought it would be worth mentioning, how my X behaved in a way that ruined the last two vacations I had with her. I suppose, the appropriate term would be "b$%ch" in her case. This had a similar flavor as the "special friend" visit and it started on the flight over to Hawaii. I was seated in between her and this fellow traveler who wanted to chat...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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