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by: Chervil -
I am the same age, and have also been with my wife for nearly 20 years. She was diagnosed with severe ADHD only a few years ago. I only hope that she can take the steps that you have taken before I cannot take it anymore and leave. Our children are 3 and 4, and they both have behavioral problems. I believe this is largely due to the poor quality of our relationship. For the past few years it's as though she does not even want me around except to yell at me or take the children off of her hands. She...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD, a Breakup, and Trying to Win My Partner Back
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by: 1Melody1 -
You and others here make me feel so much less alone. So few people, if any, in our in-person lives can understand what we've been through. I never could have predicted I'd still need this forum 5 years after ending my relationship.>>> on Forum topic - Fear of taking on too much
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by: Swedish coast -
It’s hopeful to hear about you regaining abilities. Follow happy is probably an excellent strategy. Strangely, I often feel happy for unpredictable reasons. Perhaps that’s the key: to try things out a little randomly and then be pleasantly surprised. You comfort me, I feel we’re all going to get better.>>> on Forum topic - Fear of taking on too much
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by: 1Melody1 -
I agree that relaxation is hard to sink into now. I do have some time now for the first time in decades. With my daughter at school, now my workday might be 8-10 hours. After that I tend to make a super easy dinner (boil some fresh pasta, a store-bought rotisserie chicken with bagged salad) and flop down in my bed to eat it and watch something. I do struggle with feeling guilty for not being productive and I don't always fully enjoy it, but I can tell it's helping me because after a few hours,...>>> on Forum topic - Fear of taking on too much
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by: J -
What I'm doing is not the norm, but then again, I'm not the norm either. I'll take it as a compliment instead, that you'd consider my route a viable one for yourself under different conditions. You never know what's going to happen in the future, having a road map of someone else who's found a way to make it work can only be a good thing when you find yourself with very few options. Personally, I find myself feeling less trapped when I know I have an alternative plan there waiting if needed....>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: Chervil -
That is fair, and I apologize for the mischaracterization. "Not all who wander are lost". The contempt free lifestyle sounds so appealing. If it weren't for my children, I may have very well gone that route!>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: J -
Allowing people to be wrong is the most empowering thing I think I've done in recent memory. When you can truly do that, it requires no action on your part what so ever. So based on what I just said, the answer to your question is nothing. I think the advise already given is good as well. I'll only add to it... Many years ago, I met Billy Joel at a sound check before his concert with other people I worked with. When it was time to get to work ( him needing to get ready for his...>>> on Forum topic - What Can I Do About People Thinking I Am Mentally ill when I am not?
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by: J -
Chervil, it may sound like I'm not "on my feet" living without a brick snd morter dwelling...but I have created a lifestyle that is far from "homeless" with some distinct benefits from living a tradotional life and my overall health is reaping the rewards. One of the most profound things I've noticed since embarkimg on this adventure is a boundary I've established that cannot be discounted, in fact, it's the cornerstone of this intenrional lifestyle.... No contempt!! I live in a "contempt free"...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: Chervil -
OMG thank you! I honestly needed that last part. I will remind myself of this next time she snaps at me for existing. I really appreciate your insight. And yeah, I think you're right about the comfort level thing. A part of me just says she should get over herself. Another part understands what she has been through the last few years (too much to share honestly), and has endless compassion for her. But I have identified it as emotional and verbal abuse. If she loves me, why make me a permanent...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: J -
Not only is it not your job to regulate ( or co -regulate ) your wife, it's not even possible to do for another person. Why it doesn't work.>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: J -
This made me laugh:"She calls it questing, when she loses track of time...". Chervil, there's so much to unpack and say tp your entire situation, that I thought I could offer just a few bits of insight. I've experienced so much of this on both sides that I can speak to what I think is BS or not. And I don't mean to make light of something that I've suffered greatly from myself. I'm just at the point of seeing how rediculous this can be. And I'm still struggling and at times, angry, from...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m glad you’re doing better!>>> on Forum topic - Fear of taking on too much
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by: honestly -
With my ex around there was always so much pressure to do his stuff; I’d carry the logistical weight but the goal would be something for him. His work, his interests, his family. Now I find doing very low key stuff simply because I want to sometimes will help open up the possibility of doing more. For eg I am now planning- it sounds crazy- to go swimming once a week. For years that would have felt too much on top of survival. And I booked some theatre tickets for a show I wanted to see. So there is a...>>> on Forum topic - Fear of taking on too much
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by: Swedish coast -
It’s better to get off the internet. Talk to real people, only the ones you trust. Asking men about sex as a woman and letting anyone comment would to me be a sure way to get hurt. I wouldn’t do that at all.>>> on Forum topic - What Can I Do About People Thinking I Am Mentally ill when I am not?
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by: honestly -
This sounds horrendous. What i feel on reading it is how her behaviour is twisting you out of shape; the levels of discomfort neglect and loss you’re living with. And watching the kids’ behaviour mirror hers must be so upsetting. Are the inlaws similar? This kind of thing doesn’t come out of thin air! I want you to know that these are familiar patterns, both her behaviour and your responses. My experience is that no, and I do mean no, amount of careful gentle communication makes a...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: honestly -
it sounds like the other posters aren’t understanding you, rather than being deliberately cruel. It also sounds like they don’t really know what mental illness is; I’m not sure there are any that might make you repeat yourself. Tourettes might, but even that’s a neurological disorder rather than mental illness. So there’s a basic lack of understanding between you and them. I’d leave the forum. It’s clearly making you feel unhappy. Weaning yourself off social media in general would probably be a...>>> on Forum topic - What Can I Do About People Thinking I Am Mentally ill when I am not?
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by: Chervil -
Thank you Swedish Coast. I feel so alone in all of this. I appreciate you reading my super long post.>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: Swedish coast -
Sorry about this, it sounds so difficult. You wrote that you’ve asked her to get treatment for her co-illnesses and counseling for the challenge of parenting and being a wife with (severe) executive dysfunction, and she refuses. This is disappointing, because it’s very unlikely that she’ll be able to turn this around on her own. And you can’t do much about her difficulties at all. Of course you want to preserve your family and you have compassion for her. At the same time I’m...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: Chervil -
I don't know what to do without her help>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: Swedish coast -
Melody, I wholeheartedly agree about several things you wrote, but the mention of disliking being asked favors really struck a cord with me. I resented my friend the other night. We had been out walking and came home to my house, and she was about to leave in her car. She said she didn’t want to stay for tea or such, because she had to make an early night. I hadn’t asked her to stay, so made a little mental note about that. Then she asked for water, that I go into the kitchen and pour her...>>> on Forum topic - Fear of taking on too much
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