-
by: honestly -
glitched and saved twice>>> on Forum topic - Hope for reconciliation?
-
by: honestly -
if your ADHD symptoms are the issue for him, and he doesn’t want to take that on, that’s entirely understandable and IMHO he deserves respect for setting that boundary and knowing himself well enough to do so. To pretend otherwise would be unfair on you, and lack integrity. I’m not sure him ‘needing to hear’ anything is the right approach - imho you should work on yourself, get your symptoms under control. If you can get medication and therapy and take responsibility for yourself and your symptoms,...>>> on Forum topic - Hope for reconciliation?
-
by: Swedish coast -
Sorry your relationship ended and he doesn’t want to work on the ADHD/non-ADHD issues. The only advice I have is to keep out of touch with a person who’s broken up with you. I recently tried to be friends with my high school sweetheart decades later, and it ended painfully. It quickly turned out neither of us were feeling friendly so much as deeply bonded, jealous, and terrifyingly vulnerable to each other, and neither of us could handle it. Even after 30 years! You’re probably...>>> on Forum topic - Hope for reconciliation?
-
by: J -
When Pete left yesterday, he stopped by on his way out with his rig and trailer. He asked what my plan was, and I told him I'd been living outdoors for over 130 days and was planning to continue ....just to see how long I can go. He's the ONLY person I've met so far ( or know personally ) who's said: "That's great...good for you! " He get's it.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
-
by: J -
So...the story continue'd... which is also worth mentioning. So Pete, his partner, and I are still left after everyone is gone. The next morning, his partner leaves ( she had her own Sprinter Van ). And now its just Pete and I ....and no one else around. I proceeded to explore the area on my E-Bike, but my first battery test , left me peddling and hiking ( against the wind ) because my battery died more quickly that I calculated. The 4 mile peddle/walk was axtually good excersise,...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
-
by: J -
I met my ex first wife when she decided to contact me after that long. We talked for about one month over the phone and I thought: " we could just be friends ? " Within 10 minutes ( when we physically re-met ) I knew it was a mistake. She hadn't changed ( one micro-fraction of an inch ) while I had changed dramatically !! When I first met her, she was 25 years old and even then, she was pretty one dimemsional. Add twenty seven ( chronological years )..and the situation was almost...>>> on Forum topic - Hope for reconciliation?
-
by: 1Melody1 -
Hey memoryshell! I'm sorry for what you're going through. I think perception on the ADHD and non-ADHD sides can be very different and it can be pretty hard to bridge. I just wanted to say that maybe the fact that living separately has been helpful is an indicator that divorce wouldn't be such a failure. I was exactly like you... the idea of divorce was devastating to me. I put off the inevitable for a long time. Too long. And actually in the end, divorce ended up being better for me, my ex-...>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
-
by: J -
As it turns out, Pete ( and his girlfriend partner , myself, and another couple are all thats left on the playa together tonight. He stopped by after he took a ride on his E Bike. The conversation could have comtinued all evening..... Only to say...he appeared to want to talk to me. He clearing enjoyed our conenction and wanted to stop by and chat ( Im 100yds from his huge trailer ) That was't me, trying to be associated with "royalty"...which I had no knowkege of before. It seemed some were...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
-
by: J -
lines up with sonething that I just experienced over this past weekend. I arrived at my desert rendevou in a remote location ( on ancient dry sea bed ) knpwn as a "playa". I really didnt now much about this "UnRally" event, only that it had ties to "Burning Man". I didn't understand the connectiom untill what happened when I arrived. I had mounted my E-Mt Bike to the top rack of my trailer ...front wheel removed, rear wheel still on the bike. It was strapped down with multiple tie downs...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
-
by: J -
lines up with sonething that I just experienced over this past weekend. I arrived at my desert rendevou in a remote location ( on ancient dry sea bed ) knpwn as a "playa". I really didnt now much about this "UnRally" event, only that it had ties to "Burning Man". I didn't understand the connectiom untill what happened when I arrived. I had mounted my E-Mt Bike to the top rack of my trailer ...front wheel removed, rear wheel still on the bike. It was strapped down with multiple tie downs...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
-
by: honestly -
I do feel for you; it does sound very difficult. It's obviously impossible to know from outside, but I wonder if you might have RSD? It is a common feature of ADHD and other neurodiversities. My ex realising that he had RSD was the first step towards diagnosis for ADHD, and a major, major cause of trouble in our marriage. He received even the most calm, respectful and innocuous communication from me as personal attacks. If your wife has been trying to communicate with you...>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
-
by: Shixsty -
Imma do my final act which is basically giving her all the gifts I promised to get her and making a gift basket as my final act. It’s not a way to win her back but atleast I know I kept all my promises. I also want her to realise rls aren’t easy but it’s like her friends are giving her some sort of fantasy cause they are in a honeymoon phase>>> on Forum topic - Broken Up By ADHD Partner
-
by: 2Independent -
This is abusive behavior; so, as honestly writes, it sounds like a few things are going on here. Talking with a counselor might help you decide how to move forward and be kind to yourself.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Girlfriend
-
by: honestly -
There’s some genuinely excellent advice and understanding here. Beyond the immediate issues I’d suggest you just get on with life, rather than passively waiting. Do your Uni work, socialise, hobbies, sports; crack on. A) that’s far more attractive and interesting in a potential partner than passivity and B) you only get one chance at life - best enjoy the things you have rather than wait for something else.>>> on Forum topic - Broken Up By ADHD Partner
-
by: honestly -
my only expertise here is having a long marriage with a man with ADHD, and my daughter having a relationship with a woman with, it turned out, BPD. The latter was far more volatile and deliberately unkind. I don’t know this for sure, and a lot of what you describe is ADHD-y, the level of volatility and unkindless that you’re dealing with feels like the latter. Look at your own health wellbeing and self esteem. How are they doing? Is the relationship contributing to them or degrading them...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Girlfriend
-
by: Swedish coast -
I tend to believe ADHD qualities are on a spectrum like many other things. People like me who don’t qualify for a diagnosis but have ADHD in close relatives may share some of these qualities. And so find them relatable and also attractive. It wouldn’t surprise me if ADHD minds would generally be drawn to one another? If pairing up with a fellow ADHDer would be more successful than with somebody else, I don’t know.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
-
by: J -
personally. IMHO, ADHD has very little to do with why, my ADHD X and I didn't work out. I'm going to start using AuAHD for myself from now on. It has less to do with the classification or putting myself in a box, and more to do with establishing a difference between either ADHD or being on the spectrum by themselves. Neither fit neatly and I appear to be this third category where you have a little of both and neither by themselves. Yet, none this has that much to do with why we aren't...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
-
by: Swedish coast -
I wish you well. You are obviously an empathetic and reflecting person, and I hope for the very best outcome for both you and your wife. The difference in wiring between ADHD people and those who love them is nothing but a tragedy.>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
-
by: memoryshell -
thank you. I look forward to your thoughts>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
-
by: memoryshell -
From my side, it’s been all about feeling abandoned - straddled with all responsibility and all decisions, him oblivious to family needs, no orientation, no sense of time, no self-awareness. No social life. No planning skills, poor executive skills, emotional reactivity and defensiveness. I definitely needed other things from my fellow parent and lover than he was able to provide. This is hard to hear but also painful because I know there's a lot of that in me. I'm much more...>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
Learn to thrive in your relationship
Upcoming seminars & support groups
Knowledge is the first step to a thriving ADHD relationship. Join our self-study seminar now and learn at your own page. Sign up Now!
Want to improve your relationship? Join other couples in the Intent to Action Membership program. Learn relationship changing skillsets from ADHD couples experts Join Now!
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
Register for free marriage tips here!
"Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."
Free Treatment E-Book
