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by: Neuchatel81 -
Your experience definitely sounds a lot like mine. Husband has told me I am too controlling, too money worried, etc. The Family Mediation is truly my last effort as I have tried all else. I feel as if an “intervention” is needed for husband, but am not confident he will even listen. My asking that he step up and make changes, or at least try to talk to me has been met with inaction and silence.>>> on Forum topic - I'm scared & so very tired
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by: J -
As I read your list of concerns, and even once said "problem?".....I definitely agree, your husband sounds like he has a list of personal problems he either: refuses to address OR; he has a legitimste disfunction. One would be more intentional, the latter is not intentional at all. You're problem, as it appears is, what to do about it from everything you've said. Let's take a couple things you mentioned and put some perspective on it, starting with his suspected hesring loss. Something I've...>>> on Forum topic - I'm scared & so very tired
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by: Swedish coast -
I think at some point where the ADHD and non realities have drifted apart, nons will still hope to be validated by their partner. It’s understandable. I’ve done it too and struggled with it for a long time. But there will possibly never be validation. It’s at this point you will need to defend yourself and your reality. They might never see how poorly they’ve treated you. They might never acknowledge your pain and your losses. You however need to stand your ground and believe your senses. I...>>> on Forum topic - I'm scared & so very tired
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by: 2Independent -
Because my husband has taken steps to be more mentally stable, he wants pats on the back or applause. Yes, his temper has toned down quite a bit over the years. But we are dealing with obvious ADHD and his deterioration. It's apathy. It's like he feels like he's "done enough" and I should be happy that he isn't the raging ahole I almost divorced. But it's like he's barely a functional adult. Can't research/find contractors/service workers to fix things. Can't close a cabinet door. Can't turn off a...>>> on Forum topic - I'm scared & so very tired
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by: 2Independent -
Staying authentic to myself has been my lifesaver. I am determined to do that. It's to the point that it seems my husband and I live separate lives. I am active and engaged; he seems to have given up on everything. . . and is deteriorating. I eat healthy; he lives on junk and drinks too much. He has "worked on" some of his issues (like depression and anxiety), goes through the motions. And, oddly enough, he has strongly avoided dealing with ADHD. I halfway wonder if he fears what his life...>>> on Forum topic - I'm scared & so very tired
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by: Swedish coast -
I think many with ADHD have no idea of the impact of their disability on their loved ones. Also, at least with my ex, there was a kind of defaitism I could never understand. He seemed convinced he had no power to change anything that involved me. He decided if I had expressed something, like a need, a disappointment, a boundary or an emotion, that was it. I had stated how things were, and he had nothing to add. It was like I was given final authority over outcome of everything, and he...>>> on Forum topic - I'm scared & so very tired
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by: 1Melody1 -
"I am uncertain he really grasps the reality." I really feel this. I was telling my partner I couldn't go on with our 20-year marriage if the issues pertaining to ADHD weren't addressed. And yet... nothing. I even said, "you'd rather end our marriage and break up our family than work on this?" And I was essentially met with a shrug of denial and misunderstanding. I don't think he thought it would really happen. And despite all the conversation and my pleading leading up to it, he was genuinely...>>> on Forum topic - I'm scared & so very tired
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I too am struggling to accept the fact that husband has no desire to broach/resolve issues in our relationship. I have tried so much over decades (we have been to half a dozen therapists over 44 years) that I thought at some point that it would get through to him. I do understand that he probably has undiagnosed ADHD and that this makes everything more of a challenge for him, but I also feel as if I deserve partner who at least makes an effort to improve rather than just try the same unsuccessful...>>> on Forum topic - I'm scared & so very tired
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by: 2Independent -
I would talk with an attorney if I were you. Also, it sounds like you two have been through a lot. There are scars. "I would do anything . . . ." What are you doing? You don't say, "I made an appointment to see a therapist" or "I'm seeing my doctor next week." My suggestion is for you to see an attorney before signing anything but also recognize that DOING trumps talking. Action is what changes things, not talk, not regret, not sorrys. Best of luck.>>> on Forum topic - I think I waited too long.
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by: 2Independent -
. . . so this seems like an extension of earlier behavior. This guy is showing you what and who he is. Try to separate in your mind what you want him and the relationship to be and what it really is.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Fiancé broke off our Engagement by text whilst over Medicated on Elvanse
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by: 2Independent -
He's spelling out for her what their married life would be like. When the writing is on the wall, read it and believe it and act on it.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Fiancé broke off our Engagement by text whilst over Medicated on Elvanse
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by: 2Independent -
So, this guy was talking about breaking up before he began the medication. Then not wanting to break up. Some would call this emotional abuse. A rollercoaster. Now he takes medication and takes the real steps to break up, but it seems you are choosing not to believe he really wants to. PLEASE, please, please, for the love of God, pay attention to this behavior--medicated or not. He is spelling out for you what your married life would be like (and it would probably be worse). I know...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Fiancé broke off our Engagement by text whilst over Medicated on Elvanse
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by: 2Independent -
I really appreciate your words. Again, thank you. I think I will look into counseling for myself around this whole issue. I also think I am going to manipulate my husband into "revealing" his finances to me. I am not a manipulative person by nature, so this will be trying. He retired early (with no warning to me--that was lovely) and has deteriorated since that time, which makes sense, as he has withdrawn from the world: no hobbies, obsessed with watching brainless TV shows 24/7, and has...>>> on Forum topic - I'm scared & so very tired
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I am in a very similar situation right now, still together but wondering what I am going to do as retirement is near. Husband’s business has not been profitable for past 5 years and he is continuing to take from investment account (our retirement funds) to prop up the business; he now claims these funds are for his use only. I also recognize what you say about items piling up. We remodeled our house in 2004, and husband still has packed boxes in garage that have not been touched since that time. His...>>> on Forum topic - I'm scared & so very tired
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by: Swedish coast -
J, being miserable today in the suburbs it’s so nice to hear from the wilderness. Good for you!>>> on Forum topic - Mitochondria/ATP Support
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by: Neuchatel81 -
I know for a fact he is on the phone with clients and the funds are being used for his business. He is just a very bad business manager, and frequently subscribes to software and other products that he never uses. I have been asking for a business budget for years, but he has been unable to put one together (despite being a finance major in college) as his idea of a budget is just to “earn money.”>>> on Forum topic - End of long relationship
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by: adhd32 -
Is there a possibility it's all fake and he can't stop stealing your money because if he did, he would have to admit it is all a ruse? What kind of business needs tens of thousands of dollars infused into it every year?>>> on Forum topic - End of long relationship
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by: StarGirl1996 -
It is very weird behaviour for sure but he has never ever behaved like this. He has always been a sweetheart and treated me very well which makes it so strange and it all happened shortly after increasing his dose to 50mg. Ive been in a relationship with him for several years but have known him since School since I was 11 and he was 12. Nearly 20 years of knowing him and he has never show any signs of behaviour like this.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Fiancé broke off our Engagement by text whilst over Medicated on Elvanse
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by: adhd32 -
You can't fix him. The changes you are seeing probably aren't all from the medicine. Your relationship is changing and adhd people do not like change. He may not describe the relationship the same way you do. You have gotten to the stage where shine has worn off. He is revealing his true self, this is who he is. There are red flags mentioned in the beginning paragraphs about the unqualified workmen. His guard was down and that is how he processes anger and frustration. Don't waste your time...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Fiancé broke off our Engagement by text whilst over Medicated on Elvanse
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by: StarGirl1996 -
It is very weird behaviour for sure but he has never ever behaved like this. He has always been a sweetheart and treated me very well which makes it so strange and it all happened shortly after increasing his dose to 50mg. Ive been in a relationship with him for several years but have known him since School since I was 11 and he was 12. Nearly 20 years of knowing him and he has never show any signs of behaviour like this.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Fiancé broke off our Engagement by text whilst over Medicated on Elvanse
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