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by: Neuchatel81 -
Husband has now told me since I resent him all the time through my behavior and actions, he no longer wishes to live like this but is unable to offer any other options/solutions. I have failed miserably. I have been making an effort to try to do things differently since February of this year, but it all has only gotten worse. Everytime I take responsibility, he considers it a back handed slap on HIM. I cannot combat this thinking and feel defeated.>>> on Forum topic - Deflection from Spouse
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by: Swedish coast -
Truly, doesn’t it seem like a lot of ADHD behavior is not conscious and the ADHD person blind to its effects? They may have no idea they’re bending reality or messing somebody else’s life up. I’ve concluded my ex is unaware he’s damaged my nervous system by his choices, then lied, taken advantage and been abusive. He’s conveniently forgotten. He has no idea why I can’t bear to see him nowadays. I’m honestly curious about how things are in that ADHD universe, it has little resemblance...>>> on Forum topic - Deflection from Spouse
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by: Swedish coast -
Can relate so much to this you describe, an ADHD spouse white-knuckling it every day. It’s easier to remember to be compassionate when it’s obvious. Mine tended to mask, not showing his true emotions to me or the children or anyone. But he was completely miserable and also incapable of changing anything. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I too want you to thrive…>>> on Forum topic - Different levels
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m sorry you feel burned out by your partner’s ADHD symptoms. It does sound like there is little you on your part can do to change this. He needs to find whatever resources available to treat his symptoms. In your place, I’d firmly suggest he addresses his issues. Melissa’s resources are useful for relationship work, if he’ll accept them. Meanwhile, please try to find things outside of the relationship to keep you buoyant. Friends and activities away from home were my best life savers...>>> on Forum topic - Burned out partner
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by: J -
Houseplant73, I think this is a good question to ask yoyrself. What would you be going back to and why would you in the first place? What is it about your relationahip ( or him ) that would makes it worth the effort.the work to be with him? I can share my own thoughts and feelings about this from a recent experience, and an emotional couple of days I've had. A little back story to get anyone reading this up to speed. Ill try to stay on the heighlights or it could get long ! ( par for the...>>> on Forum topic - Hope for reconciliation?
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by: 1Melody1 -
Here is the main subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD_partners/ Keep in mind this is very much for people who are struggling partners of those with ADHD so there will be a lot frustration on there. Here's an example of a conversation about living apart. There have been several over the years: https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD_partners/comments/1f791bk/living_separately_from_your_partner/ Here's a short discussion on this site about it too: https://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/...>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
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by: memoryshell -
umm. this looks like spam and unrelated unless im just not getting it>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
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by: memoryshell -
oh, this is really interesting to hear. Can you share a few links to examples? im kind of new to Reddit so a link to the subreddit would be helpful>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
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by: honestly -
glitched and saved twice>>> on Forum topic - Hope for reconciliation?
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by: honestly -
if your ADHD symptoms are the issue for him, and he doesn’t want to take that on, that’s entirely understandable and IMHO he deserves respect for setting that boundary and knowing himself well enough to do so. To pretend otherwise would be unfair on you, and lack integrity. I’m not sure him ‘needing to hear’ anything is the right approach - imho you should work on yourself, get your symptoms under control. If you can get medication and therapy and take responsibility for yourself and your symptoms,...>>> on Forum topic - Hope for reconciliation?
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by: Swedish coast -
Sorry your relationship ended and he doesn’t want to work on the ADHD/non-ADHD issues. The only advice I have is to keep out of touch with a person who’s broken up with you. I recently tried to be friends with my high school sweetheart decades later, and it ended painfully. It quickly turned out neither of us were feeling friendly so much as deeply bonded, jealous, and terrifyingly vulnerable to each other, and neither of us could handle it. Even after 30 years! You’re probably...>>> on Forum topic - Hope for reconciliation?
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by: J -
When Pete left yesterday, he stopped by on his way out with his rig and trailer. He asked what my plan was, and I told him I'd been living outdoors for over 130 days and was planning to continue ....just to see how long I can go. He's the ONLY person I've met so far ( or know personally ) who's said: "That's great...good for you! " He get's it.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
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by: J -
So...the story continue'd... which is also worth mentioning. So Pete, his partner, and I are still left after everyone is gone. The next morning, his partner leaves ( she had her own Sprinter Van ). And now its just Pete and I ....and no one else around. I proceeded to explore the area on my E-Bike, but my first battery test , left me peddling and hiking ( against the wind ) because my battery died more quickly that I calculated. The 4 mile peddle/walk was axtually good excersise,...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
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by: J -
I met my ex first wife when she decided to contact me after that long. We talked for about one month over the phone and I thought: " we could just be friends ? " Within 10 minutes ( when we physically re-met ) I knew it was a mistake. She hadn't changed ( one micro-fraction of an inch ) while I had changed dramatically !! When I first met her, she was 25 years old and even then, she was pretty one dimemsional. Add twenty seven ( chronological years )..and the situation was almost...>>> on Forum topic - Hope for reconciliation?
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by: 1Melody1 -
Hey memoryshell! I'm sorry for what you're going through. I think perception on the ADHD and non-ADHD sides can be very different and it can be pretty hard to bridge. I just wanted to say that maybe the fact that living separately has been helpful is an indicator that divorce wouldn't be such a failure. I was exactly like you... the idea of divorce was devastating to me. I put off the inevitable for a long time. Too long. And actually in the end, divorce ended up being better for me, my ex-...>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
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by: J -
As it turns out, Pete ( and his girlfriend partner , myself, and another couple are all thats left on the playa together tonight. He stopped by after he took a ride on his E Bike. The conversation could have comtinued all evening..... Only to say...he appeared to want to talk to me. He clearing enjoyed our conenction and wanted to stop by and chat ( Im 100yds from his huge trailer ) That was't me, trying to be associated with "royalty"...which I had no knowkege of before. It seemed some were...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
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by: J -
lines up with sonething that I just experienced over this past weekend. I arrived at my desert rendevou in a remote location ( on ancient dry sea bed ) knpwn as a "playa". I really didnt now much about this "UnRally" event, only that it had ties to "Burning Man". I didn't understand the connectiom untill what happened when I arrived. I had mounted my E-Mt Bike to the top rack of my trailer ...front wheel removed, rear wheel still on the bike. It was strapped down with multiple tie downs...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
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by: J -
lines up with sonething that I just experienced over this past weekend. I arrived at my desert rendevou in a remote location ( on ancient dry sea bed ) knpwn as a "playa". I really didnt now much about this "UnRally" event, only that it had ties to "Burning Man". I didn't understand the connectiom untill what happened when I arrived. I had mounted my E-Mt Bike to the top rack of my trailer ...front wheel removed, rear wheel still on the bike. It was strapped down with multiple tie downs...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD on both sides of the partnership?
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by: honestly -
I do feel for you; it does sound very difficult. It's obviously impossible to know from outside, but I wonder if you might have RSD? It is a common feature of ADHD and other neurodiversities. My ex realising that he had RSD was the first step towards diagnosis for ADHD, and a major, major cause of trouble in our marriage. He received even the most calm, respectful and innocuous communication from me as personal attacks. If your wife has been trying to communicate with you...>>> on Forum topic - When to call it quits?
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by: Shixsty -
Imma do my final act which is basically giving her all the gifts I promised to get her and making a gift basket as my final act. It’s not a way to win her back but atleast I know I kept all my promises. I also want her to realise rls aren’t easy but it’s like her friends are giving her some sort of fantasy cause they are in a honeymoon phase>>> on Forum topic - Broken Up By ADHD Partner
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