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by: Swedish coast -
I’m so empathetic about loving someone though knowing things aren’t right. In the scenario you describe, with chaotic emotions in her, on and off behavior, no discernible logic, I believe you must decide whether this will all make sense to you over time. It’s probably very hard to live with long term, not to mention perhaps bringing children into it. For myself, I’m finally deciding the behavior of several of my loved ones doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t stand it, however...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Girlfriend
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by: J -
I know I've mentioned this, probably years ago...but it's worth mentioning again in context to the "UnRalley" I'm heading to. In my house....3 things were like the Devil to my mom. I was forbidden to have: A gun A motorcycle Or....possibly the worst. Join a rock band! I was thinking about this last night. I first shot a shotgun at my best friends house with his dad at age 10. I use to ride, ANYONES...>>> on Forum topic - Short Term Goals
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by: J -
Independent, I've heard this before, about ruining vacations here on this forum. It's always men with ADHD and they're nueotypical wives however. I thought it would be worth mentioning, how my X behaved in a way that ruined the last two vacations I had with her. I suppose, the appropriate term would be "b$%ch" in her case. This had a similar flavor as the "special friend" visit and it started on the flight over to Hawaii. I was seated in between her and this fellow traveler who wanted to chat...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: 2Independent -
Aside from blurting out unflattering remarks, it sounds like we are married to the same man! What jumped out at me was your comment about being in an unfamiliar environment--like being on vacation. My husband has forever (until very very recently) acted like an, as you say, @$$hole just prior to and during vacations. There were times we came close to cutting a vacation short because of his behavior. I always attributed it to anxiety. I didn't know about the increased risk of dementia for...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: J -
I mentioned treating myself to a reward after accomplishing my short term goal. I've done similar in the past with my best riding buddy who belonged to the BMW Riders Club International. But my riding buddy actually belonged to a splinter group. It was a group of riders on their forum who kept getting sanctioned for breaking policy. This smaller group called themselves "Onan's Childeren"...which, I'm not going to explain if you don't get the reference. Lol Any who, I was invited to...>>> on Forum topic - Short Term Goals
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by: J -
"She refuses to get proper help or talk about treatment" The only advise I'm willing to give is this one. After going thru what I just experienced with my ADHD girlfriend who said the same thing....even tho, her behaviors were different. I'd put my foot down, and counter her boundary with your own that says : either you do this one thing for me, or I can't be with you. The one thing of course is getting proper help and talk about treatment. That'd be my line in the sand at least.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Girlfriend
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by: J -
Something occurred to me, in relationship to gate keeping. In a "going forward" position, looking towards the future, I'm trying to learn any lessons from my past that would be useful for me. Useful, in terms of any possible relationship with a woman ( if ever yes ) but useful in a general way, as to spot ( anyone male or female ) that I may encounter as a personal red flag, as someone I may not want to get involved with. One of more unusual behavior I encouneditered with my X, was her...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: J -
Independent, since I haven't given up on life and I AM proceeding forward, I'm now faced with a similar delimna? Do I include my family ( my sisters ) in what I'm doing, or just proceed as usual...as if they're just not part of my new adventures?? The one sister I haven't spoken to, has a husband who follows me on social media. He doesn't react much, but occasionally he put a like on something I post or laugh at funny things I've said. He's watching from a distance, so I know it's getting...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: J -
Before I read what you wrote, my gut feeling is telling me the same thing. It seems, I'm the only person in my family who was paying close attention to my mother as she transitioned from the person she was, to the person she became. I didn't write it down, but this unusually accurate "type memory" I have still remember these moments clearly. ( autobiographical scene memory ). What's interesting to note, as I read what you mentioned about your 65+ year old ADHD husband .... Assuming...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: J -
Actually, being alone helps because I can set things up to optimize myself without any outside constraints. My ADHD symptoms really disappear when I on my own schedule, do things that work for me, and borrow off my strengths. Finding my optimum "sweet spot" and staying there is what I've found works extremely well if nothing else ( or no one else ) gets involved. But being with, or finding the right person has always seemed to allude me. I can't say I've ever found that "good match" where I...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: adhd32 -
Hi. My 65+ y/o ADHD husband was exhibiting similar things for the last 2 years. I thought he was just an old grumpy @$$hole. He has been treated for the last 15 years for depression (not medicated for ADHD bc he claims he doesn't have it) so I thought ADHD was getting worse or his meds for depression were no longer working. I started to pay attention to the ups and downs. His behavior is worse when he is in an unfamiliar environment such as on vacation. Better at home. Awkward when out in a group...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: J -
Something in what you just said sparked a memory related to my earlier comments concerning the Alzeimers/Dementia possibility. This is completely unrelated, but still related, in an indirect way. You started out this post by mentioning "competence" which brings me to this memory I had. It has more to do with what someone believes, based on circumstantial evidence. I'm not directing this memory at you, but more to what you just said...."people are suffering". I took your comment to mean in...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: 2Independent -
I agree with Swedish Coast: I think consistency is what your wife "needs" to see, and it could be that consistency that saves the marriage. I hope things are going much better.>>> on Forum topic - Navigating a New Diagnosis and Impact on Marriage
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by: 2Independent -
You feelings are totally understandable. It sounds like your husband is worn down and overwhelmed. Will he not see a doctor about depression/anxiety? Is there a plan for you and your family to climb out of the financial rut that seems to be (?) the main factor that is taking your husband/your children's father away from you all? How was he when he was working one job? One thing you can do is let your children know that their father right now is doing the best he can, but you...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling Like a Single Parent At Times
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by: 2Independent -
I'm glad things have gotten better for you. What do you attribute it to?>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: 2Independent -
Our whole culture needs to get past that. People are suffering.>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: J -
... I forgot to mention. This thing abou not being able to admit things, is NOT just a man thing. My entire family are completely phobic of admitting anything mental health related. That also I includes the women too. It's a family thing, not a gender related thing in my situation at least.>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: 1Melody1 -
Good for you, Swedish!! You'll find someone a lot more respectful.>>> on Forum topic - Signs of ADHD in online dating
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by: J -
who I highly suspect was undiagnosed ADHD. This is where I pause, because I have only ONE person who I have any experience with when it comes to Dimentia or Alzeimers which was my own mother. To suggest otherwise, would be making a false claim that I know much of anything about this topic other than her. Having said that, for years after my father passed away, I was her go to person, to help her as needed for certain things around the house. I was there as a regular observer of her behavior, as...>>> on Forum topic - Fact of the matter: My husband has given up on life
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by: Swedish coast -
You were right! We met for coffee, he thought he could impress me and tried to control me a little. I told him after 15 minutes it didn’t work and he looked annoyed and left without saying goodbye. Well, wiser for it. Thank you Melody and J.>>> on Forum topic - Signs of ADHD in online dating
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