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by: Swedish coast -
Honestly, I think for (at least severe) ADHD people, communicating things in due time, or at all, might not make sense. My ex thought i could mind read him. It’s not an exaggeration. He actually thought if he’d been thinking about something, I would know it too even if it was never mentioned. Also, we did evaluations of the plans we’d made to share household work. Every time, I had done everything on my list, he’d done little on his. When he realized this, he looked confused. Like there was...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: sickandtired -
It seems in my experience, that less close relationships, like business clients, are easier for them to navigate. I also think that they don’t recognize or respect boundaries in close relationships either, like it’s ingrained in him that your money is his money. I’m so glad you got the surgery over with and everything was benign. I hope you are focusing on healing yourself instead of trying to change him.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Neuchatel81 -
It certainly appears the future will be this way. I am just so very sad that I have tried to make difficult changes but he has NO interest in doing so. Right now he is once again working (on a Saturday), speaking to his client. I should just wake up and realize that his work/clients are more important than our relationship.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: sickandtired -
In his mind, you will always be the bad guy. My ex was like this… the perpetual victim who took no responsibility for his actions, and had no initiative to change. If I asked for updates on progress he was making on his endless promises, he accused me of nagging. It’s a no win situation for you. If you choose to stay, please know this will be your future. No progress on his part, only blame shifting to you.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Neuchatel81 -
My husband was to call clinical psychologist 2 weeks ago for appointment for ADHD evaluation. I asked him for update today. He insisted he had called 2 weeks ago but he never told me or gave me any updates. He now insists I was counting the days to “punish him” about not following through. I am struggling to understand why he constantly tells me I am punishing him when I ask about items that have not been completed. If he just offered a 1 minute update per week, I would be happy that he is...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: J -
You said: "Doesn't accepting all of this just let "them" off the hook, and create more chaos for me? Doesn't this mean huge, big problems down the line?" I've heard this asked before so I already know it's a big question that does not have an easy answer.....but I think I can make an attempt, by sharing my own more recent thoughts ...more than anything else, to answer it for myself. I'll do best to pull a lot of things together to make my case, as to why I feel the way I do...knowing I'm the...>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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by: J -
to your specific situation Swedish, but towards the end with my X ....the effect of our dynamic was having the same affect on me as it dud with you. I finally stopped one day and thought " I can no longer say I even like her anymore * for me, that was the glue = liking her as a person ....as I experienced her....she'd become mean spirited without much to like anymore. It just wasn't a healthy environment for either one of us so, like her, you just picked the time. I wasn't going to leave by...>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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by: Swedish coast -
This I relate to. I was devoted to my husband for so many years, and then disappointed and stressed and depleted, and finally barely tolerated him in the house, and then made him move out. I feel bad about that last part. Probably I couldn’t even admit at the time I came to loathe his presence. It had to do with him lashing out violently and cyclically. He forgot about a fight next day, but I could never forget. And with time, I also lost the ability to forgive. But why did I put him...>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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by: J -
You made a few really good points at the end of what you said. Putting the "marriage vows" and the "eyes of God" aside for a moment.... Who, including yourself, wants to be just tolerated? To be where you don't feel welcome or even liked ? Even worse, to feel the contempt of another person, to be in a room with someone you know, who really can't stand to be with you or even wants you around? Now imagine, that person berating you, belittling you and calling you names ( labeling you in...>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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by: honestly -
Cats can be rehomed. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. Because wouldn’t it be better for the cat to be with someone who really really wanted a cat, rather than with someone who was just about coping with unintended cat ownership? I arrived at this realisation in therapy. That it was wrong to stay with my ex at least in part because I’d arrived at a state where although there was still a kind of loyalty and concern there, I didn’t even like him anymore, and he should be with someone who did...>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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by: littleADHDlatina -
This is very interesting and good writing! I agree that keeping are mind focused on big tasks like swimming or biking makes the mind think about those tasks heavily so we don't do adhd things lol! good job mostly agree agree with you.But come on not showering anymore that um sus for sure.I am sorry for your loss of your fatherly figure in your life.May he rest in peace in heaven.>>> on Forum topic - Doctor Visit
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by: J -
Content Warning: Physical violence/slap Off the Roller....here's a perfect example of what I just said. It's an extreme example, but I think that actually helps make it easier to see. This is also something I've been working on to put to rest, so it serves to reinforce what I'm saying in real time. I think this example speaks for itself. I mentioned a few months back that my X hit me. It's was technically the fourth time she made physical contact with me....like a snake...>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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by: littleADHDlatina -
Yes it hard being behind my peers too.But I don't do that my father does.If he supports me in growing into adult hood I would not be behind my peers.I just wish he let me try then say no your too adhd for it.he use my adhd as a exuse.For example he said I was too adhd to wear shorts in summer well I was in 7th grade.It gets around 80 to 90 degrees where I live.He also said I am to ADHD to wear tinted chapstick. l what's wrong with shorts nothing and also nothing wrong with tinted chapstick. so I just...>>> on Forum topic - Adulting
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by: J -
Off the Roller, I've watched Dr Rhamani on YouTube and I really like her approach too. In fact....one sound bite I remember her saying was something like: " your asshole uncle may not clinically be considered a narcissist...but that doesn't mean he's still not an asshole." To be blunt....I agree with her statement, but keep in mind, she's talking ( mostly ) about Narcissists....not other issues that may look like or appear to be that diagnoses. The idea of taking her advise from her talks...>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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by: Neuchatel81 -
Thank you for the comments and wishes. I am finding time this week to rest/recover. I brought some work home from office but just did a minimum amount. I am now realizing that Mom may no longer be able to manage her medications or do without more “hands on” care at facility, so requested a doctor review; facility already scheduled it for April 27. I am SO grateful to have Mom at a good quality facility that truly cares for her. Funny how even when one is overwhelmed one does appear to rise...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Swedish coast -
You’re so brave and I’m glad you seem to have a good prognosis! Sorry about your mother though. I understand you have about three things too many to cope with. I hope you can find time to just rest and heal at the moment. Sending all my best.>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Neuchatel81 -
My surgery was April 16 and I am finally feeling more normal. I am only allowed to walk at this point (no exercise or weight training) and hope to be released to drive by April 24. Fortunately, all pathology came back with no malignancies detected so I am very glad. Husband has been very helpful except for one day when I was so tired that I napped for an hour in bed, he did NOT even notice and told me he thought I was working at my desk (did not even bother to get up and check). Of course, he...>>> on Forum topic - Inaccurate Labels
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by: Swedish coast -
You’re so welcome to vent all you want! You have good reason to. It’s impossible to be joined to somebody at the hip and not suffer from their bad decisions, I think. But when it comes to money, the best advice I got was to save up for myself. Even if you and your husband own everything together, you could arrange to have some separate assets, letting you protect money from his thoughtless spending. Financial advisor could be worth the trouble. Just a thought. Best of luck.>>> on Forum topic - It's me: complaining again (ADD spouse's purchases)
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by: Off the roller ... -
It's so so tough. I'm there and some of the massive impulse buys have slowed but we still get packages every day. Like, literally everyday. My husband buys stuff from amazon that can be found at a nearby store that he can walk too.literally. it makes life soooo much harder than what it needs to be. You can try those suggestions you made, but you know deep down inside what is going to happen. He is showing you who he is. Sorry to be blunt about it I've learned a little bit on what I can accept...>>> on Forum topic - It's me: complaining again (ADD spouse's purchases)
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by: Off the roller ... -
I have found that Dr Rhamani's YouTube videos are soooo helpful. Even better is when she's a guest onna podcast bc that's the very core of her work - it's not about enabling the other person/behaviour, it's about accepting what IS and how you move about in the world with this being what it is. But with that, at the beginning of learning radical acceptance it is HARD to understand and wrap ur head around. I get it and have been there. But it really does help in time and it will also help you...>>> on Forum topic - Radical Acceptance
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