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by: Chervil -
That is fair, and I apologize for the mischaracterization. "Not all who wander are lost". The contempt free lifestyle sounds so appealing. If it weren't for my children, I may have very well gone that route!>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: J -
Allowing people to be wrong is the most empowering thing I think I've done in recent memory. When you can truly do that, it requires no action on your part what so ever. So based on what I just said, the answer to your question is nothing. I think the advise already given is good as well. I'll only add to it... Many years ago, I met Billy Joel at a sound check before his concert with other people I worked with. When it was time to get to work ( him needing to get ready for his...>>> on Forum topic - What Can I Do About People Thinking I Am Mentally ill when I am not?
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by: J -
Chervil, it may sound like I'm not "on my feet" living without a brick snd morter dwelling...but I have created a lifestyle that is far from "homeless" with some distinct benefits from living a tradotional life and my overall health is reaping the rewards. One of the most profound things I've noticed since embarkimg on this adventure is a boundary I've established that cannot be discounted, in fact, it's the cornerstone of this intenrional lifestyle.... No contempt!! I live in a "contempt free"...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: Chervil -
OMG thank you! I honestly needed that last part. I will remind myself of this next time she snaps at me for existing. I really appreciate your insight. And yeah, I think you're right about the comfort level thing. A part of me just says she should get over herself. Another part understands what she has been through the last few years (too much to share honestly), and has endless compassion for her. But I have identified it as emotional and verbal abuse. If she loves me, why make me a permanent...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: J -
Not only is it not your job to regulate ( or co -regulate ) your wife, it's not even possible to do for another person. Why it doesn't work.>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: J -
This made me laugh:"She calls it questing, when she loses track of time...". Chervil, there's so much to unpack and say tp your entire situation, that I thought I could offer just a few bits of insight. I've experienced so much of this on both sides that I can speak to what I think is BS or not. And I don't mean to make light of something that I've suffered greatly from myself. I'm just at the point of seeing how rediculous this can be. And I'm still struggling and at times, angry, from...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m glad you’re doing better!>>> on Forum topic - Fear of taking on too much
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by: honestly -
With my ex around there was always so much pressure to do his stuff; I’d carry the logistical weight but the goal would be something for him. His work, his interests, his family. Now I find doing very low key stuff simply because I want to sometimes will help open up the possibility of doing more. For eg I am now planning- it sounds crazy- to go swimming once a week. For years that would have felt too much on top of survival. And I booked some theatre tickets for a show I wanted to see. So there is a...>>> on Forum topic - Fear of taking on too much
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by: Swedish coast -
It’s better to get off the internet. Talk to real people, only the ones you trust. Asking men about sex as a woman and letting anyone comment would to me be a sure way to get hurt. I wouldn’t do that at all.>>> on Forum topic - What Can I Do About People Thinking I Am Mentally ill when I am not?
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by: honestly -
This sounds horrendous. What i feel on reading it is how her behaviour is twisting you out of shape; the levels of discomfort neglect and loss you’re living with. And watching the kids’ behaviour mirror hers must be so upsetting. Are the inlaws similar? This kind of thing doesn’t come out of thin air! I want you to know that these are familiar patterns, both her behaviour and your responses. My experience is that no, and I do mean no, amount of careful gentle communication makes a...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: honestly -
it sounds like the other posters aren’t understanding you, rather than being deliberately cruel. It also sounds like they don’t really know what mental illness is; I’m not sure there are any that might make you repeat yourself. Tourettes might, but even that’s a neurological disorder rather than mental illness. So there’s a basic lack of understanding between you and them. I’d leave the forum. It’s clearly making you feel unhappy. Weaning yourself off social media in general would probably be a...>>> on Forum topic - What Can I Do About People Thinking I Am Mentally ill when I am not?
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by: Chervil -
Thank you Swedish Coast. I feel so alone in all of this. I appreciate you reading my super long post.>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: Swedish coast -
Sorry about this, it sounds so difficult. You wrote that you’ve asked her to get treatment for her co-illnesses and counseling for the challenge of parenting and being a wife with (severe) executive dysfunction, and she refuses. This is disappointing, because it’s very unlikely that she’ll be able to turn this around on her own. And you can’t do much about her difficulties at all. Of course you want to preserve your family and you have compassion for her. At the same time I’m...>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: Chervil -
I don't know what to do without her help>>> on Forum topic - Feeling hopeless after moving cross country for her
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by: Swedish coast -
Melody, I wholeheartedly agree about several things you wrote, but the mention of disliking being asked favors really struck a cord with me. I resented my friend the other night. We had been out walking and came home to my house, and she was about to leave in her car. She said she didn’t want to stay for tea or such, because she had to make an early night. I hadn’t asked her to stay, so made a little mental note about that. Then she asked for water, that I go into the kitchen and pour her...>>> on Forum topic - Fear of taking on too much
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by: Swedish coast -
Thank you Melody for validating this. A question - you mentioned me time. Do you have an actual way to relax now? How’s it done? I find relaxation foreign. Sure, I can watch a series, go for a walk, call a friend, go out on the town, garden, do yoga, and these things are all good. But I don’t feel like doing them. They’re chores. Because I need to avoid depression and make myself a new life. They’re not real recreation, like I used to experience it. Somebody said the...>>> on Forum topic - Fear of taking on too much
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by: 1Melody1 -
I can't believe how well you articulated this EXACT thing I feel. I am over 5 years out and still feel that way. I hate that I dread social commitments that should be fun because it's one more thing I feel like I'm being asked to do and my well is still bone dry. I have been trying to convey this to my mother, unsuccessfully. She thinks I should get a cat and host the Christmas event, and talk to my brother about a pretty weighty family issue, etc. etc. But I have absolutely nothing to give to...>>> on Forum topic - Fear of taking on too much
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by: Swedish coast -
Honestly, it’s not a great thing to share, but I’m grateful that you understand this. Do you think there’s an end to it..?>>> on Forum topic - Fear of taking on too much
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by: honestly -
I still have a huge sense of inertia - that it's like shifting a mountain, to go on a trip, or book tickets for something, or take the kids somewhere. This exact feeling of 'don't ask anything more of me.' I think it's from carrying too much for too long, from crumbling under it. I'm still cracked; structurally unsound.>>> on Forum topic - Fear of taking on too much
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by: honestly -
I'm happy you got your basement sorted. But, sigh, how exhausting for you, and for your patience. x>>> on Forum topic - Update: Finances & the Basement Project
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