Recent forum posts (all topics)

ADHD partner has insight, but lacks action

My husband was diagnosed earlier this year and it's been a hard journey. The diagnosis brought up a lot for him and he went into a pretty unhealthy place for a while. I have stood by him, while giving him space to work through things. He has previously been a very good partner for 5 years before being diagnosed. This is all complicated by his small business ownership and that being a point of contention because of the usual financial and hyperfixation issues. But in the last 2 months we have both made progress towards healthier interactions. 

A pause in divorce

Divorce from my severe ADD husband has come to a pause.

I wonder at my own feelings. I started this divorce. I know I need to finish it. Still what dominates is an urge to reach out for him. Intimately.

He panicked the last couple of weeks. He accused me of horrible things. He was highly aggressive. He said that my feelings, and our agreements, mean nothing to him. Now, he seems to have regained some hope or other. He's then returned to being soft spoken, humble and kind.

Anyone else really affected by ADHD spouse's poor active listening skills?

I think my husband has undiagnosed ADHD-a lot of the symptoms fit for him.  The symptom that affects me the most is his poor active listening skills.  When I talk, whether explaining something logistical or just sharing about my day/experience, he often makes very poor eye contact, and doesn't respond at all, or goes on to talk about something else.  Of if he does respond, it is more of a canned response like "oh, that's nice", which has started because I've told him I want more acknowledgment.

Dual ADHD marriage

Would love to know how many of you are in a dual ADHD marriage. My husband and I both have ADHD, we're best friends and have been married for 34 years and would never leave each other.

I was diagnosed after we were married, he was diagnosed as a child but I did not know he had ADHD until several years after we were married. I have an ongoing journey since the day I found out. He is in denial that his ADHD affects his life and my life.

I want to understand the ADHD brain science

Please point me to the best resources to understand what we know right now about the science behind ADHD and the brain. 

I still don't understand what is causing all these symptoms or effects. Is it just the issue of dopamine or is there more?

My husband has these issues:

Lack of organization and massive distraction (but only if he is not interested - if so, then hyperfocus)

Lost in thoughts to the point of not hearing me speak - also this is dangerous while driving

I'm not giving up

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to vent a little and pick your brains, my partner is awaiting a diagnosis... but its pretty evident they have adhd. Reflecting back and looking into adhd we both agree, for me it has helped with the feeling isolated, angry, frustrated and many more emotions and feelings. I myself have mental health issues which impact on our fragile marriage, I love my partner and although I'm burnt out and never feel like I get that moment... where my partner has a realisation they have behaved a certain way that has left me feeling lonely, not desirable and like I'm not there. I still find myself feeling like an acknowledgment of my feelings would help to heal some of the wounds emotionally I carry, I think my question I really wanted to ask. Was in relation to my partners need for drama. I will try and explain the best I can, basically we have a young daughter... sometimes she can push our buttons and sometimes as ashamed as I am to admit I'm not as patient as I should be or caring as I shoul be... I can be a bit short and grumpy. I always apologise, have a big cuddle and reinforce to my daughter how sorry I am, humility is a big thing for me. My partner though, will act like I have just committed the worst crime imaginable and not in parity to whats just happened. Its like their perception is off or they see something completley different, but will themselves act in the same way but not see what they have blamed me for. Another thing is my partner causing mayhem and trouble, an example would be that we reach a point... marriage is doing great, family is great and everyone is happy. But my partner will tell her family lies or exaggerations, or my partner will phone social services up and tell them things that haven't happened. To a degree I can make sense of my partner telling her family things, my partner has a very broken relationship with their mother and siblings and craves their attention and validation. On occasions were my partner has lied she has had her famy fussing over her and she gets her needs met. But involving social services has led to me being asked to leave the family home whilst investigations are made, this has been traumatic and led to a decline in my health and caused me untold pain and anguish. We are now onto the 5th time of having social services involved, I can only describe it as a munchausens by proxy type of behaviour. Has anyone else had similar experience, is it an adhd behaviour or is it something else. I love my partner and after 9 years together and 3 years of this extreme behaviour... its taking its toll on me...

Challenges with my new diagnosis and non adhd husband

Married 13 yrs. Husband suffered a mild mtbi and severe physical injuries from a bicycle accident.  He was hit by a car.  He has fully recovered,  but it took place about 8yrs.

During that time my adhd symptoms became severe and affected my life dramatically. I think I reacted to his angry outbursts and he often experienced road rage with me in car.   He doesn't remember much about  the accident or several months after. His memory of that time never returned. 

I have flown under the radar for my whole life.....decades....

Alcohol

So, I'm gonna be real. Anyone else that has used wine as a way to cope w/ ADD of spouse?? I have. Now he is using that weakness against me as yet another way to not be accountable for his ADD which continues to desecrate our marriage. Now he can use my wine habit against me. He doesn't drink at all. Father alcoholic. So, black/white issue to him. I can't win. Ever. 
 

 

Learning about ADHD is making me even more hopeless

I just had a horrible fight with my husband and actually screamed like a lunatic and wanted to rip my hair out.
He took no responsibility, forgot all our recent conversations and promises, then said even if he did promise
so what, and did exactly what I had asked him not to do and refused to admit that was a problem. 

As I am reading the book ADHD effect on marriage, I am feeling nauseatingly hopeless. Because I see it all so clearly
and I don't actually think anything will change this. And I see how awful it is. It feels like a curse and I actually have no
hope now. First of all he will never take meds. And all the effort to manage the myriad problems seems like it will just
further suck the life out of me.

And frankly all the stuff about only being responsible for myself and not being angry because that doesn't help etc, ... please,
tell me how to do this in a marriage where we are entwined in every possible way and every thing he does impacts my life
and the chaos never ends and he has rejection dysphoria as well as hating his mother and we take one step forward and
always two steps back. 

Forget it. I am screwed. 12 years, and I have no plan B. I'm too exhausted to try anymore, I don't think it will work. 
Sometimes I really just feel so desperate it's frightening.

 

Need to vent

I'm sorry. I just .... need to scream. I really need to scream. But it hurts my throat so I can't scream. 

I am reading the book ADHD effect on marriage. I will have my ADHD husband read it as well. But in the meantime, and even though we are deep into discussion about his ADHD, and ostensibly working on it together, it is in FULL FORCE.

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