-
by: soloequestrian -
We managed nearly 20 years with (probable) undiagnosed ADHD. It would explain the majority of the not-so-good bits. If we are able to manage those better the relationship has potential to be great - most of it was good anyway. I'd like the opportunity to explore that and if it's not going to work then to separate in a thoughtful way, hopefully maintaining some sort of friendship, not with bafflement and radio silence.>>> on Forum topic - Help me understand as the non-ADHD spouse
-
by: honestly -
I'm sorry this isn't an answer to your question, but rather another question. What do you want to get out of this situation? I think it would be really helpful to reflect on this a little. Could you ever get what you hope for from this relationship, even if you reconciled? I worry that by trying to woo him back, however generous and loving your impulse may be, you might simply be opening yourself up to further pain.>>> on Forum topic - Help me understand as the non-ADHD spouse
-
by: c ur self -
After 16 years I've asked mine to leave, (she has a empty house, so she is getting it fixed up to move in to) I have no real good reason for why I waited this long...Just hoping and praying that one day a light would come on...I kind of went through stages....anger and attempting to fix it.....finally acceptance and boundaries......But, when a person is lock in a self centered mind, (mostly blind to the feelings of others, and complete indifference to their responsibilities as a spouse)....It's really no...>>> on Forum topic - the inconsideration...my lord
-
by: 1Melody1 -
Hey Off the Roller... for me, I really had to accept that the only one who could change my situation was me. I had to give up hoping he would be willing to do anything differently. I tried for years to encourage him to improve our relationship, address the ADHD, work with me to ensure both of our needs were met in the relationship, etc... but his actions clearly told me he was not willing/able to work on anything. So if he wasn't going to change, that meant all change must come from me if I wanted a...>>> on Forum topic - the inconsideration...my lord
-
by: J -
I've written things a few times in the summary so you're not alone. Don't sweat the small stuff! I did go ahead and read a few things in your past comments that caught my eye. Me, having ADHD as well, could relate well with many things you said. Especially about being wounded from being criticized so many times when you're growing up and your comment about "piercing a metal shield" of protection. These are all good things for me to hear because I'm experiencing some of the very same thing from my ADHD SO...>>> on Forum topic - I want to talk about the hard stuff but just…can’t
-
by: Swedish coast -
So sorry. I agree with J in that a company can be expected to use you and cares nothing for you. It's still possible to have an enjoyable work life - if your personal life makes some room for your needs. But this you describe sounds like double impact from a rigid and demanding spouse and a rigid and demanding boss. None of them respects your individual self, or your boundaries. And even worse, you have to handle both these forces within your home. Then you have no safe place, or relief. I've been ...>>> on Forum topic - the inconsideration...my lord
-
by: Catterfly -
Hi Off the Roller, I was where you describe for a long time. Several years at least. Things were horrible but I told myself that sharing custody of the kids would be much much worse - because then I couldn't protect them from his emotional disregulation. The kids are savvier than we think, though. Over New Year's this year, they asked me to leave him. Not that they don't love him, but they couldn't take the rages any more. That was a huge catalyst for me. Coupled with that was the fact that he...>>> on Forum topic - the inconsideration...my lord
-
by: honestly -
I've hit my breaking point a bunch of times, but never managed to leave. I have tried, really tried, got my finances together and accommodation and packed a bag. I've said in posts here that we're separating. But I've not been able to do it. It's not him that's keeping me but the paralyzing fear of causing my children pain. I have come to accept this about myself - that I can't push through their pain. So I've had to continue on past breaking point, haul myself back together, accept the blame he dishes out...>>> on Forum topic - the inconsideration...my lord
-
by: J -
All I can offer you is some perspective based on what you just said. About your boss. If it's a corporate situation...I see it this way. A corporation is not a person, it's an "entity" that exists for one reason only. To survive and be profitable. It is 100% self serving in the strictess way, it has no soul. And people in that environment are there to serve the entity and get rewarded for doing that well. The ones at the top got that way because, in themselves, are somewhat that way already which is why...>>> on Forum topic - the inconsideration...my lord
-
by: Janster -
Sadly I can relate so very much to your post, and have the greatest sympathy for you. It's our 33rd Wedding Anniversary, later this month, and I'm feeling like I can't to this anymore!>>> on Forum topic - Anyone experienced these with ADHD spouse? Just so tired.
-
by: J -
I did something different. I was trying to have a touchy conversation dealing with an event that happened the other night where she became extremely angry. So angry, she was shaking. She started telling herself out loud..." calm down, calm down" as she was not yelling but her body language was screaming ! I really wanted to know what she was so angry about even though she couldn't tell me exactly. She could say why she was angry....but she could'nt tell me what caused this extreme reaction? So I...>>> on Forum topic - I'm sad when he gets frustrated with me
-
by: J -
Just a side note first: I work with a guy who does this so I know it's very annoying. I can still remember things I've said on this very forum 8 years ago, and know when I'm repeating myself. I do it here, because I don't assume I'm saying it to the same audience. But if you picked out a story or train of thought from before...I'd be able to recognize it and say yes or no.....I've said this story before. Anyway, this guy at work tells the exact same story over and over in every excruciating detail as if...>>> on Forum topic - I'm sad when he gets frustrated with me
-
by: Burnt-out and E... -
Hi Off-the-Roller, Thanks soooo much for this article link and your comments...WOW! I'm reading and thinking through each question. This is VERY helpful!!! Thank you, Burnt-out & Exhausted>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
-
by: Swedish coast -
The theme you describe hasn't been a part of my marriage to an ADD partner, but I've seen it in a relative. This dear person has very little ability to adjust to others. Every impulse, every topic, is on their mercy. If they get restless, and they incessantly get restless, they may disappear with no explanation or hint of when or if they're returning. This is exhausting, especially if you are trying to be a pleasant host. It's understandable that you're fed up with adjusting for him with no...>>> on Forum topic - I'm sad when he gets frustrated with me
-
by: catlover1000 -
wow one point you made really resonates. My wife couldn't get it together for our anniversary two years in a row but yet has no problem planning and executing birthday stuff for her multiple co-workers. Makes no sense. I don't even think she remembered when I told her how much she hurt my feelings last year.>>> on Forum topic - Angry at ADHD Husband - Not Understanding Priority Setting
-
by: Burnt-out and E... -
Hello! Thank you for your feedback and sharing...I really appreciate it!!>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
-
by: J -
and it has some really good information in it. Currently reflecting on myself and my own behaviors that contribute to any part ( good or bad ) in our relationship, has been a productive path for me. Regardless of whether I'm considering staying or leaving....it's only improved things, which is a good thing.>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
-
by: Off the roller ... -
Would you believe here's the start of a checklist - I find it as a 'gut check' big time for me and while you feel like you want to run like crazy right now, this is the chance to take a breath and assess and see where you want to go. I've been there, I am there and you aren't alone in it. *link removed*>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
-
by: J -
the talking with my SO about a cue word, and some other steps mentioned in Melissa's book, but something else took precedence this weekend in the form of unexpected visitors. Actually, Friday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday were filled with people coming over to the house each day. But the last two were unscheduled drop in quest on short notice. The last one was a good childhood friend I hadn't seen in 40 years. Things I noticed included: I definitely have an extroverted streak. I get energized with people...>>> on Forum topic - After Listening to Melissa's Audio Book....
-
by: soloequestrian -
Thanks, that's actually quite comforting. I don't think he is extremely badly affected, it's taken us 20 years to get to the point of realising there is an issue. I hope I can get him out of the apathy.>>> on Forum topic - Help me understand his apathy
Learn to thrive in your relationship
Upcoming seminars & support groups
Our Live Couples' Seminar starts on Jan 22, 2025! Register HERE!
Looking for a little more support? Join one of our Non-ADHD Partner Support Groups. First support group starts on Jan 13, 2025. Find all our support group options HERE.
Turn your knowledge into actionable steps to improve your relationship. Join us on Jan 14, 2025 to learn about our new program, Intent 2 Action. Sign up NOW.
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
Register for free marriage tips here!
"Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."
Free Treatment E-Book
