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My husband has not been diagnosed with ADHD ( yet). We have been married for 13 years. We both know that he is ADHD & we both are reading up on it. Me more then him.

This diagnosis will answer alot of years of wondering what the hec is wrong with our life.

Allthough it does not begin to help us at this point. I think that I feel worse!! I dont know how he really feels because he isnt willing to talk much about it. I mentioned many times, (years) that I am done with the way our life is going.

Hi,

My husband is 40 years old. We've been married for 5 years, together for almost 15, and have a 4.5 year old son. We've recently realized that my husband exhibits many symptoms/behaviors of ADHD. It came to a head about a month ago, when I had him hospitalized in a psychiatric ward, because he had become extremely manic and was not making sense to me. He came to learn that he was experiencing extreme racing thoughts. The things that led him to that place were in summary:

Every now and then in conversation my adhd h will open a window and I experience the person I love. But it seems within minutes of conversation the window closes and suddenly a new view is there which is totally different from the one I just saw. It's like you feel wow they are really hearing me right now seeing me they are with me. Then out of nowhere they are back in a fog discussing some completely random topic and you can't get back to ground zero again. It isn't only when we have seriously discussions otherwise I would think it is just avoidance. It is random.

   So, what about that question of how do you show support for someone's plans when you know they aren't likely to bear fruit?  It's very important to my husband to feel like I believe in him.  There's all this history for people with ADHD of failure and they feel that constant shame.  I don't want my loved one to feel that way.  I want him to feel good about himself.  But... And yet...  Years and years of promises, of enthusiasms that end before anything comes of them.  And somehow, try as I might, the cost falls on me.  I support us.  I clean up the messes (literally and figuratively).

It is very difficult to communicate with a spouse who can't speak their feelings...What is the reason for this? Is it the absents of the ability to mold words around convictions? Is it fear of commitment to the call on their life TO BE a spouse? Is it the inability to SEE and FEEL what the role of a H or W is?

I just read this on a site called "liveabout.com"  It really speaks to me.

I know this is a function of distraction and disorganization but it is awful. And I am guilty I knew he lived like this when I met him but I started parenting right away. I did consider it a red flag then thought maybe I am just being picky and started just taking care of him. 

I’m a 62 year old man with ADHD, married for 29 years. My wife and I have 2 children, ages 29 and 28.  Although my wife and I knew I had ADHD all along, we never realized the extent that ADHD negatively impacted our marriage. Taking “The ADHD Effect on Marriage” last year helped turn our marriage around.  I’ve optimized my meds and have developed systems to improve my reliability and productivity.  My wife finally understood the destructiveness of her unrelenting criticism and aggressive anger, which frequently escalated to rage and abusive behavior.

I was just recently diagnosed with ADHD and medicated with Adderall.   I have seen such a difference and felt I was cured until I read the book ADHD effect on marriage.   I now realize all the problems in our marriage are all my fault.   I feel completely overwhelmed with guilt and sadness, but hopeful that we could change.   But with that said I have begged my husband to read the book I have even suggested we read it together but he seems disinterested in doing this.   I feel if he reads the book he would also understand what are problem has been along, and if he does not  we are doomed.

I've read a lot of posts the last several years, and definitely wrote my share. Most of what I have read and wrote has one common theme...How do I live with this person and have a relationship that mirror's anything close to healthy? We all have different spouses and different barriers to over come (although the similarities are amazing for many of us). I've learned what doesn't work more than what does, although I think I've learned quiet a bit about what does work also.