My husband is a very smart guy. We’re both intelligent, but I think in many areas he has more potential and ability than I do. And for years, I let that cause me to doubt m own perceptions, thoughts, feelings, etc. I thought, “Well, he’s such a smart guy, and I could be remembering that incorrectly, so...”
If I had feelings about something, I let his opinions about my feelings cause me to doubt the validity of my feelings. Of my experience.
So my husband has ADHD (I do not) and has problems with his anger. About a month ago, he blew up so bad in front of our kids (22 month old twins) that I ended up leaving with them for the night and taking them to my parents' house. I told him explicitly that these blow ups were absolute deal breakers. So he has now informed me that when he gets so mad that he feels like he is going to blow up that he is just going to leave. So I thought he meant just for an hour or two to collect his thoughts. No...he means overnight. Like he has an overnight bag packed that he can grab and go if he f
My husband and I have been doing a lot better the last few months after I said I had to take the choice to leave our dysfunctional marriage to improve things for everyone, and made a plan for a trial separation. He has started back at his therapist's, started medication after a 2.5 year hiatus, and I have my own counselor that is helping me see the patterns of emotional abuse and gaslighting in my relationship and is helping me articulate my boundaries. I am also working with an acupuncturist and naturopath to get my PMS and irritability and emotions under control.
This is the strangest feeling. It's nice. Very nice. I'm not sure how I arrived at this point of acceptance and peace. It's been a long two years + and a circuitous route.
Brief explanation:
Some old friends learned that I'm divorcing. Our children had played sports together and the couples were close and socially active together. My son and I noticed that he was no longer invited to many events and I noticed that my H and I were excluded from things. It was unpleasant but I didn't spend too much time thinking about it.
Okay everyone--I need you to do me a favor. The last three jobs my husband held lasted for three years--the most recent one, almost three years to the day. So my husband was fired on December 29 and started a new job on Monday March 12. I have put an alert in my calendar for 3 years from now to see if he is still employed at this same job. Remember this--if we are all still here in three years, remind me. DH has only been at the job two days and he came home the first day and made the whole "the last guy who held this position was a train wreck" so that goodness they hired him.
My wife had an appointment with her therapist last night and I had to get our ADHD/OCD/ODD daughter ready for bed. At one point, I heard noise downstairs and investigated. The dog was trying to get something in a pile of clutter around a small bookcase. I had to dig and dig, but I found the food. I cleaned up the food with a vacuum, but I had to get back to our daughter, so I did not put everything back in place (ie, the pile of clutter.)
Do you know your type? I'm an ISFJ....My wife is ENTP....The difference alone is overwhelming....I would really like to do a study to see how many add/adhd people are ENTP's......I have attributed many things to add, that seem to be personality....
C
I've been with my OH for 2 years and living together for 6 months. We had a rough first year and broke up a couple of times but this time, it's "for real" and he's 100% in. He had always made a joke of being ADD and OCD but when a co-worker came to me and shared a book about ADHD and said she thought that my OH might have it, I really started taking it seriously. I started reading (still reading) The ADHD Effect on Marriage so I can learn more about it and how it affects or could affect our relationship BEFORE it goes sour. We have identified that he probably IS ADHD albeit undiagnosed
Wanting to ask a question here, just out of curiosity.......about being "in love".
Turn your knowledge into actionable steps to improve your relationship. join our Intent-to-Action Membership Program.
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
"Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."
