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Here's a little background on my situation:  married for almost 30 years; I've known of my husband's mental and emotional health issues for many years, although not about ADHD possibility until approximately 5 years ago; husband began withdrawing from family duties approximately 10 to 12 years ago; husband took "temporary" job as his parents' caregiver more than 4 years ago, at which time communication from him nearly ceased because he almost never initiates communication when he's not physically present; I filed for a legal separation in 2013 but decided to not follow through because of is

My H isn't on the right meds.  He's got ADHD-impulsive, some OCD, anxiety!!!, and maybe some narcissistic and histrionic tendencies. 

For me, my DH's hyperfocus is the most maddening ADD behavior I live with.  He gets consumed by things.  I might as well be on another planet most of the time.  He lives in his own world.  It is really disheartening to feel invisible in your marriage.  If I bring it up, ask for attention, it is usually perceived as some sort of personal attack or criticism.  So, I'm doomed either way.  So sad.

I am doing what I have always urged my children to do:  Make a decision, take no action, then mentally sit with it for a while to see if it the best bet.  

I do not want to fall into either of these categories - Silver splitters or Grey Divorces.  They apply to folks getting a divorce after 25 or 30 years of marriage.   I discovered both of these terms - just today - as I tried to understand what to do, and how to do it.  

It was painful to Google:  What is the first thing to do in getting a divorce after 30 years of marriage.  

Hi all. I have been with my adhd partner for 10 years, we have two small kids. Throughout our relationship I have dealt with emotional and verbal abuse from him. A couple years ago I left him because of this, but we ended up getting back together after about 6 or 7 months. He is no longer abusive like he used to be, but he also hasn't made any progress in his sensitivity towards me.

we are both ADHD adults married 10 years, together 14. He has always had "girlfriends" and does not have many men friends or hobbies.

I've been married almost 18 yrs, together 20.  I was 30 when we met & had two previous short marriages which I left because my husbands "I've got to have kids" clocks went off....and yes I was clear on it before we wed. After each I attended counseling to make sure my emotions were in a healthy place to date again.  Anyway husband #3 & I have been in marital counseling 4x over the years, usually initiated by my not being able to deal with his anger & mood swings.  He also said he didn't know what was going on, sometimes depressed or angry for a week.