Recent forum posts (all topics)

My DH and I argued again this morning because I can never do something purely for him - there's always a background benefit for me.  It tears me up because it's true and I feel so damn selfish.  Then I can't see how my actions (or inactions) actually do affect him or why it should make a difference to him what I do or what I forget to do.

There should be a support group for co-dependents married to ADDers.  So far, I am learning that Co-dependents want others to fill their needs of happiness and security - like our parents gave us security and purpose when we were young. We work to be needed because of habits learned from our childhood in how we were able to garner worth and love from them by being who they wanted us to be.

Before the meds, my wife was a walking contradiction. She never wants to be bothered about punctuality, but is always late. That's just one example of hundreds of contradictions. It's nearly impossible to survive being with her because there is no 'win'. You can't help her manage her ADD but she lashes out when it damages her life or if you try to help.

She finally got an official diagnosis and has tried both Adderal and something that starts with C. Sorry, I can't remember the name. 

So, my boyfriend's sister is getting married in May.  The last few days I've been trying to find a dress to wear and had complained multiple time to my boyfriend about all the restrictions there are in general as wedding guests: no white, no black, no red, not similar to the bridesmaid's dresses in both cut or color, not too short, not long etc.

My partner has ADHD, OCD and mild Asperger's, diagnosed only 2 years ago.  She's 40.
Over the 3.5 years we've been together, I have learned to set stronger boundaries, take better care of myself and identify co-dependency more clearly so as to stop my part of it.
She's getting treatment - therapy, medication, self-help through reading and forums.  She puts a lot of effort into learning, though ADHD itself sometimes causes her to forget/deny management of her own symptoms.
We have a couples counsellor.  I have self-help as well.

I discovered a great way to negate defensiveness when communicating with my ADHD partner by speaking in generalizations rather than specifics.  For instance if he does something insensitive like make a hurtfull/insensitive comment without thinking how it might make me feel, instead of addressing the specific event, I will wait a few minutes, go and do some chores or something and then address the issue a little later with a comment like, remember, honey, it's nice to be aware of other's people's feelings before you say something that could hurt them.  He will badger me for whether there was

My partner just refuses to compromise ever.  It's only ever his way or the highway.  It is driving me nuts.

Here's a great example:

Where to start.  My husband and I have been married for 14 years and have three beautiful boys, 13, 10, and 8.  Our marriage has been a bit of a roller coaster since our first year.  There were times that things were really great.  He was great with our first child; he would wake up crying at night and my husband would get up with him and walk him up and down the hall to quiet him.  As time went on things started to change.  I can remember the first time that he 'exploded'.  I don't know what it was about, but it was definitely not as if we were having a violent exchange.  He kept getting m

Let me have some input please.  We have been working with surviving the chaos caused by my spouse's ADHD traits for a long while, so I will admit it is difficult for me to get out of the mothering mode into the partnership mode.  Facts from my paradigm:

Spouse is leaving for out of town for 4 days, 3 nights.

Asks if I want to go out for dinner, specifically mentioning 'to spent time with me' before he left.

I responded yes.  I am going out shopping in the AM with my friends, not sure what time I'll be home, but it will be 2-3ish. 

I said, "I am going to grow up.  I am going to stop letting my emotions rule me.  I will feel the emotion.  Stop to think of what and why that emotion is with me.  What I want to do about the emotion.  Then I will let the emotion go.  I permitted the ideas and feelings of romance and love and art and sensitivity be part of who I am too much.  I must stop that now and be mature and be accountable for my own emotional well-being."    He said, "You and I are the exact opposites.  You have too much emotion.  I have none at all.  I try to feel emotion, but I can't"