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Hello All:

Unlike what seems to be the majority, I'm a male non-ADD spouse of a female ADD person.

We've got a great marriage in every other respect, and she is on meds, etc. Generally the meds and treatment seem to be enough to keep her functional in her job and as a mom, but there's one thing that's still driving me to distraction and I find myself becoming increasingly resentful. I should say that in every other way she's a wonderful, loving, caring person, and the last thing I want to do is anything that would put our relationship in jeopardy.

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He said, "You are you and I am me.  You can't change me."

So I became the mother and the father in the family.

He said, "Nothing happened.  I was always true to you in a married sense."

But I do not trust him with my heart.

He said, "I am doing the best that I can."

So I worked, paid the bills, did the taxes, took care of the kids and made a nice home.

He said, "If you don't like it, you know what you can do." - meaning, I could leave.

I kept the family in tact and worked a little harder.

He said, "What did you EVER do for ME?"

I am in the process of leaving a 20 year marriage to a man with substance abuse and ADHD.   He only decided to seek help after I left.. despite years of me knowing something was terribly wrong.  While he is improving I no longer want to stay in the marriage.  This has been more of a parent child relationship and I believe he needs to learn how to be on his own and take care himself through the help of his therapist.  Im finding a common thread from reading through this forum that ADHD'ers tend to be self centered and narcisstic.

So emotionally exhausted now, can barely write. 

Married for 7 years, didn't know DH was ADD until well into marriage. Have had years of emotional abuse, violent temper rages (NEVER against me) with throwing things, slamming himself into walls, saying, "I'm going to just kill myself." 

I am so sad, frustrated, unsure right now. My husband of 1 year (together for 2 before that) and I have recently decided to separate....sort of. I know, truly I know, that I need to RUN and not look back. I have heard all of this advice from those who have lived it. I have ignored the red flags, and chose to marry this man after discovering (through this website) that undiagnosed ADHD is what has been affecting our relationship all along (and his two previous marriages I might add).

May I please ask, how is ADHD diagnosed? My husband and I have an appointment coming up soon, to get his ADHD evaluated (upon my request). My biggest worry is to say all the negative things regarding my husband (to the Psychologist) in my husband's presence. I feel like I will be putting him down.

I thought maybe we'd had a breakthrough tonight. My under-treated ADHD husband really seemed open to talking to me about our marital troubles. He was teary eyed and said how he was sad about our relationship and how he thought maybe I'd be better off if he were hit by a car (I energetically told him that would make me very unhappy). When I asked him some more questions about what he was sad about in particular he said it was because we weren't having sex. I asked him if he was sad because of the actual lack of sex or because of what it meant more broadly about how we felt about each other.

We were told a year ago that my husband had ADHD, but he says it never happened. I've been reading and trying to change the way I react to him but he is withdrawn from our marriage and gives his attention more to his adult daughter and her family. It seems he can only love one person at a time and she has been it for the last couple of years.

Hi everyone,