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by: sickandtired -
Oh I didn’t realize that. Still, if they have adapted well to their current schedule, it may be better to leave well enough alone.>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: sickandtired -
J, I wish my ex had only a fraction of the insight and self awareness that you have. I think there is a lot more going on with him than just ADHD. A couple of psychiatrists considered paranoid personality disorder and borderline as diagnoses. Although I’m happy I have moved on from him, I feel like he could cope so much better in his current life if he had listened to them and had adhered to their treatment plans.>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: Swedish coast -
Sorry, this is something else entirely. He’s a devoted father, lives close by and prioritizes the children above all else. They’ve lost nothing in that respect, except their parents’ love for each other. Which I feel, having grown up with parents in a loving healthy relationship, is a foundation for trust and identity.>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: sickandtired -
Swedish, I know you’ve tried everything you could to save your family. I think now your family consists of you and your children if he has made no effort to interact with them in 16 months. I do know one thing: that children thrive in a consistent environment. Trying to bring your ex back in will cause them a lot of confusion, since I’m assuming they have adapted to their new life without their dad in the home. I am a retired child psychotherapist, and I had many children of divorce, adopted and...>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: J -
You did not. This is one area that I'm not sensitive too.>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: Swedish coast -
Thank you for your kindness. The therapist is already my prerequisite for speaking to him at all. You’re so right. This can backfire badly. I just look at my children and see his features in theirs and grieve all our years of (challenged) love. I can’t bear to shred the last secret bond I keep to him by partnering with someone else. Rip away the children’s last chance of parents united. I’ve committed my life to this family. It’s physical pain. You’re right. It’s about me and the...>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: sickandtired -
I edited my post.>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: J -
I missed that. My comment remains the same. No offense taken, I see no difference between "normal" and "neurotypical". That truly is semantics to me. I actually view myself as mostly normal anyway, aside from a few important details. Lol In fact, I've met a few highly irregular ( not normal ) people and I'm pretty sure they didn't have ADHD !>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: sickandtired -
I’m so happy for you! Being with a new person who respects you will feel like such a luxury! You deserve it!>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: Swedish coast -
J, I’m not responsible for the “normal person” wording. That was somebody else…>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: Swedish coast -
Dear C, I can’t imagine it’s too early for you to meet up with a beautiful person. I’d imagine it’s just right. You’ve been waiting almost a year for her to move out, too, haven’t you? I still love my ex. I’m not where you are. For me the thought of proceeding beyond the current point with a certain person is still frightening. But I know I can spend a lifetime waiting for my ADD ex to reach out and reconcile. It’s not something he does. We haven’t spoken for 16 months since...>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: sickandtired -
Giving him one more chance after 16 months of no contact could backfire on you and cause you more pain and confusion. I broke up with my ex, gave him one more chance to work on our relationship, and he jumped at the chance, promising he would put in the work for better communication and meeting my needs. I was buoyed by feelings of hope for us again, only for him to move back in, not changing anything in his behaviors, losing his temper even more easily than before, and constantly blaming me for being...>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: J -
I'll try and pull a few things you ( guys ) said which is based on my own internal turmoil at times. Words here, are important, to accurately describe my feelings. C, I'm also happy that you've found the peace you've been waiting for. Living with a purely self centered person ( as it sounds ) would be an excersise in futility and a very unrewarding experience from the sound of it. I can't imagine being very happy under those circumstances. And Swedish, your mention of finding a "normal"...>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: c ur self -
For many years I have just existed...I am starting to feel alive again! :)>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: c ur self -
You two need a third party it sounds like...The first thing about reconciliation is respect...There is no use in attempting it unless roles are respected...I love my ex...But, that has nothing to do what destroyed our relationship...If a man or women demands by their life pursuits to take an unacceptable road the spouse can't respect, it will be very hard...We have to both agree on what our husband and wife roles are in each others day to day life, and be at peace with that...Then it can be beautiful...>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: c ur self -
Most all of what you say here I agree with...This video is 100% dead on concerning my ex...The deal breaker is the blindness, the justification of the self centeredness, and no effort to recognize the impact on others, seek help... Nothing about her life will change other than she will have to be adult accountable (No one to use)...Me? Let out of a cold hoarded prison w/no fellowship or companionship from the one person who had vowed to be my person!>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: c ur self -
I've spoken many times about acceptance of our different realities in marriage...And I believe it...But, when I accept you for you...There is still a story there...There are still possibilities and impossibilities based on the existing day to day realities...At some point after 16 years, I accepted the existing realities we were living through, would never produce a product where both parties were loved and cared for... I am single now...I am doing some remodeling of my house now that it is not...>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: Swedish coast -
Probably the best outcome is always a balance act between acceptance and reasonable expectations between two adult people. The conflicts and trouble of ADD marriage are fading in memory. Instead I’m looking for a way to energize myself by love and understanding. Guess it’s a healthy sign.>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: c ur self -
In marriage how do you validate a spouse's emotions who needs you to not matter? Who's life style is built around taking advantage of you? (Your efforts?)...If the circumstance's of our shared life is, I am not fulfilling my vow's and obligations as your spouse, (doing the work) but, I need you to pet my emotions, and not speak about it...What is that? Where does that leave you? Love will hear, self centeredness will walk away...Love cares, a mind consumed by itself, will always look for...>>> on Forum topic - Emotional safety
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by: sickandtired -
Thank you Swedish, for being realistic about ADHD relationships. Most of what the OP has stated are basic marriage counseling concepts that DO NOT work when ADHD is running rampant. My ex never recognized my emotional pain, and he certainly never offered reassurance or emotional support. Instead, he blamed me for all of his problems that he had even before meeting me. I took my adhd ex boyfriend to many relationship counselors, and they all said that he needed to go to individual counseling focusing...>>> on Forum topic - Supporting Each Other: Mental Health in Marriage
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