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by: randlanta -
Ok, my partner actually suggested that we try these! She has been so supportive and willing to come to the table in good faith, which is all I can ask for. It was helpful to get things out this morning, and I'm grateful for your helpful and encouraging response! Thanks for your reply and for your perspective as a non-ADHD partner.>>> on Forum topic - My Partner Revealed that She Has Been Keeping Score
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by: 1Melody1 -
Hey Loopla. I'm sorry you're in this situation. One thing that helped me was putting my energy into issues that would affect me and the family and letting go what might not. For instance. he absolutely needs to participate in finding a solution for dropping off the kids. Not participating is just not being a parent or partner. At the very least, he needs to agree to your suggestion and then hold up his part in the 2/10 drop offs. Conversely, as far as work clothes and getting fit goes, that's his...>>> on Forum topic - Communication bridge is just not there…
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by: EMADHD -
First of all, as a non adhd partner, i can sympathize to your situation and i have to give you an applause for trying to figure it out. Yes communication is a big key. To get to what you want... open communication with your partner where both of you could say what you want can be achieve. In my case, we had to rely on 2 simple and yet effective structured communication exercises to learn how to communicate effectively with each other. The communication exercises I am referring to is i fell statement,...>>> on Forum topic - Communication bridge is just not there…
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by: EMADHD -
First of all. I want to give you a round of applause for getting so much done. As a non-ADHD partner myself, it took a long time until I realized that a long laundry list of to-do task for my ADHD partner will overwhelm him and procrastination would set in. Before that, I used to keep scores myself and it was not healthy for our relationship. One of the biggest help for us was investing in the card game called "Fair Play Cards". The card game helped us collectively decide what task are important to '...>>> on Forum topic - My Partner Revealed that She Has Been Keeping Score
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by: J -
It causes the person suffering from it to do behaviors that make no logical sense from the outside, but actually does make sense ( kind of ) to the person doing it. This isn't about becoming controlling by trying to take some control because someone else is not doing something like your example. It's more about a fear, something might happen, and there's proof or evidence that it's true ( a kernel of truth ) that proves it might. There's so much anxiety and worry about this "thing" that might happen,...>>> on Forum topic - I have OCD and he has ADHD
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by: Swedish coast -
OCD I know little about. I must say though, before my ADD marriage I was far from a perfectionist. My home was messy and things lay unfinished. It was uncomplicated since I could easily tidy it up at any time. But living with ADD family members has made me anxious about untidiness. It’s all a part of the accumulated work the condition piles on a non partner. If you realize your ADD husband is thoroughly inconsistent and will forget crucial tasks and will at any time pass out on a couch and be...>>> on Forum topic - I have OCD and he has ADHD
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by: loopla81 -
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. It can feel really isolating and alone can’t it and just having someone and somewhere to share with others who understand and have lived experience is so valuable. I feel like I am at the end of my tether, it’s effecting how I regulate myself, I start talking to myself through situations, it effects sometimes how I react to my little family. Something you said about no treatment or therapy, has struck a nerve with me….my husband...>>> on Forum topic - Communication bridge is just not there…
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by: J -
I'm going to attempt to give some perspective to this post. I'm doing this for myself or anyone reading this. My SO, also has both ( undiagnosed for the OCD ) but let's just assume for the moment that she does which will help explain what I'm seeing. First, I have to say a few things in the comments made from the OCD perspective. When I hear about someone ( anyone ) who's suffering with OCD, I personally understand the anxiety that it causes when it gets triggered by external "things" in...>>> on Forum topic - I have OCD and he has ADHD
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by: Swedish coast -
I’ve had my share of ADD dysfunction in a partner and in the end had to leave. But what you describe is much worse than what we had, particularly his sarcasm. Of course you will be resentful. Of course your bucket is empty. There are excellent resources - Melissa’s courses, books, couples therapy - but as I see it they all need some outer circumstances to be helpful, namely ADHD partner accepts there are adverse effects on their partner of their symptoms, and wants change...>>> on Forum topic - Communication bridge is just not there…
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by: J -
I have ADHD, OCD, and RSD so it's possible to have all three. My SO, I suspect, has all three as well. My OCD is a different type than most people think, but it is related to fear. My SO is more of what most people think it looks like, and hers is related more to a compulsions. They look very different from the outside....but they're both related to anxiety. Anxiety at the core. I asked her the other night if she felt her obsession about vacuuming ( dirt ) on the floor was...>>> on Forum topic - I have OCD and he has ADHD
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by: J -
I had something really important to address with my SO ( also ADHD ) and in the past, anything involving her, especially an implied "wrong doing ", would immediately get met with anger and defensiveness and getting it thrown back at me. I decided to carefully compose a text, using "I" words and "I feel " in an effort to not blame or accuse. I decided to text so I had a chance to completely get my feelings addressed and to feel heard.... In the past, those two things were consistently invidated...>>> on Blog post - How Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria Impacts Non-ADHD Partners
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by: J -
they remember how it made them feel. I'll include this to that very true statement: Sometimes ( I believe most of the time )....those feelings get lost from our conscious, working memory....but they are never truly gone or lost. A part of us ( our subconscious thoughts ) ...remembers. That has a lot to do with it. That's what needs to be addressed , and what a huge part of the inability to communicate is all about. For me, I didn't use to know this or what the problem was. I...>>> on Blog post - How Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria Impacts Non-ADHD Partners
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by: Swedish coast -
I shouldn’t try to speak for anyone else. You’re right, as long as we’ve lived with loving intent and done our best, time hasn’t been wasted. All the best to you.>>> on Forum topic - Energy drain
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by: c ur self -
It's not a surprise that the electric bill comes every month but when you have no strategy in place to pay recurring bills it shouldn't be a surprise when your power is off. Well I'm going to bed w/ a smile on my face, lol......Thanks to you adhd32! c:)>>> on Forum topic - Avoiding parent/child but important things are missed...
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by: c ur self -
We all tend to the important things in our lives on a fairly timely bases...But, each of us rate importance with different convictions...It's usually very clear as we watch each other live life, (making daily choices) what carry's the most weight for each of us...We should always believe what we see, but, not so much of what we hear... c>>> on Forum topic - being on time
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by: c ur self -
I was married 30 years to a meek, super sweet girl, who's favorite place was by my side...( she passed away)....I had no clue how to deal w/ my current wife once the hyper focus turned off (like turning off a water spiket)...I was hurt and lonely, I have always liked closeness and intimacy...So I got angry...Pointed out the uncaring life she was living...I finally got over my anger and just turned to acceptance....If she was living it was going to be this way!...So w/ acceptance and boundaries we...>>> on Forum topic - Energy drain
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by: Swedish coast -
Sorry Bill, I understand your frustration. It’s funny, the non-existing cat happens to be my go to illustration of how our ADD family has differed from others. Just about everyone I know has a cat. It’s normally not that big a responsibility. But it’s always been clear to me even a healthy cat would be impossible for us, because of my ex’s ADD. The moment it needed veterinary care, worry or special treatment, it would completely overthrow the delicate balance of our combined health and sanity....>>> on Forum topic - Avoiding parent/child but important things are missed...
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by: adhd32 -
I could not live with delinquent bills and kids left outside waiting to be picked up in 10 degree weather so i did it all myself. I lived as though I was a single parent with all the responsibilities. The frustration of being disappointed and not being able to express it due to rsd meltdown is worse to me than captaining the ship. Personally the fallout of undone tasks is worse because the issue devolves into a dumpster fire when all could be avoided. It's not a surprise that the electric bill comes...>>> on Forum topic - Avoiding parent/child but important things are missed...
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by: exhaustedme -
Thank you J. I am particularly appreciative that you answer because i believe it is better when the individual who is late consistently is the one that takes the responsibility to take the small, easy step. We all know how demeaning it is to follow a parent/child relationship. The problem might be that he does not think this is a problem. So from my side, I will kindly explain why him being late breaks my plans and ask him to put an alarm. I am hoping this will work. I am aware this is a small...>>> on Forum topic - being on time
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by: J -
I have ADHD and manage to be on time now. It's the KISS principle again ( keep it simple stupid ). When I use to wear a watch. I set it 10 minutes early. If I need to be somewhere on time, I leave ( or plan my exit ) 10 or 15 minutes early. I leave early, to be on time. And usually, I'm JUST or right on time. I get ready early, to be on time. Predict failure, act accordingly. That's it.>>> on Forum topic - being on time
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