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by: c ur self -
Love and trust have nothing to do with each other....We have to trust, that the actions of a person (us, them, anybody) will be the same today, as it was yesterday, and manage our lives accordingly, no matter what that entails...Some minds do not think through things, (risk takers) always looking for the golden goose...If you aren't one of those (like I am not) either, then you will need to manage YOUR life, funds, etc...w/ security in mind, and and the things that seem wise to you...I'm so sorry at age 55...>>> on Forum topic - Financial Infidelity
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by: Photographyjunkie83 -
Thank you for sharing your story. I have very much felt the same loss of identity. It was reassuring to hear someone else has experienced it. I've not yet divorced my ADHD spouse but am strongly considering it after months of counseling resulted in minimal improvement. What slight improvement there has been was short-lived. Good luck to you!>>> on Forum topic - The ruin
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by: Photographyjunkie83 -
Dear Exhausted Kitten, You just expressed my story as well. My 59 year old husband learned he had ADHD only 10 months ago, however. I filed for divorce a month later because I had experienced this before. My first husband was also diagnosed as an adult. He refused to learn or understand anything about his symptoms. Our issues were my fault, my problem. When I could no longer endure his hostile tendencies and method of self-medicating, we divorced (4 years after his diagnosis). My 2nd husband and I...>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: c ur self -
When impulses are driving a life, that life doesn't need to have authority over others...In the water park example no one else's life mattered in those moments...This is the number one reason an impulse driven person will always be unsafe in a marriage relationship...Usually a life (mind) that is driven by impulse's have other attributes that allow them to get by with this type behavior...In our case, my wife usually takes no thought concerning what the responsibilities of the rest of the day is to be...(...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: exhaustedkitten -
I really needed to hear this and I do need to fill my own cup! It's so nice to know that I'm not alone in this and to see that I'm not to blame for the problem. I was reading Melissa's article on allowing myself to grieve and I really need to do that and work through it. Thank you for the encouragement!>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: exhaustedkitten -
I mentioned in a comment above that my husband and I had a talk this morning after I had a mental breakdown. It's just hard to see him struggle and then in turn me collapse under the crushing weight of the life responsibilities. I am hoping he can at least meet me a quarter of the way. He's already called a few times seeing if there's anything he can bring me to lessen my stress today. It's not that he isn't a good person, the symptoms need to be managed but he has to make that choice and eventually I have...>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: exhaustedkitten -
I had a mental breakdown this morning and he wanted to know how he could help and I just unleashed everything I was feeling and told him that it's not his fault perse but that it is really hard for me to look at him and know there are things he can do on his part to make our lives better. He said he understood and wants to help so I can only hope that's a step in the right direction.>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: exhaustedkitten -
Thank you for this!!! I needed to hear that I'm not alone as I have been feeling as such for so long. My friends can only identify with me so much and this at least gives me hope that I can be ok!>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: Haveaniceday -
Your post could've been mine. If I knew at your stage what I know now, I would absolutely have left. Kids, finances and getting older makes it much harder, so if those aren't factors then take care of yourself first. I know this sounds harsh, but honestly, the heartache and disappointment you are very likely to endure being married to an in denial and untreated ADHD spouse is no joke. Sending strength and hope you find your clarity soon!>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: swampyankee -
Thank you for this comment, Swedish coast! I ended things with my husband of 22 years in May, whereupon he predictably asked for a "second chance". I foolishly agreed, but the requirements were that he needed to go to counseling for his anger management issues, and to get tested for ADHD. He did go to counseling, but not for anger. And he got to the point where he got a referral to get tested, but never followed through. I gave him Melissa's book to read, and to his credit, he did start reading it,...>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: sickandtired -
If you stay, you are giving up on you.>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: Swedish coast -
I'm so sorry about this. To me, unmanaged ADHD justifies divorce. Your partner might be limited in his self-awareness and also ability to change, and therefore perhaps not entirely accountable. But that doesn't make your situation acceptable. He's not keeping his vows if he exposes you to the effects of his untreated ADHD. That he isn't aware of the impact isn't relevant to the end result for you. You cannot be expected to uphold your end of marital duties alone and see your years and ultimately your...>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: Off the roller ... -
Hey exhastedkitten, you aren't alone in this. I can't type much now but we are twins in our situations. I don't have advice for you. I'm currently in the middle of the same. I've had such a roller coaster of emotions AND we are also dealing with the spending problems AND grief. 2 new packages came today. And all the same existing projects are just sitting in our house..nothing is leaving the house. It's becoming a hoarding house and it's really upsetting bc that's what I grew up in and it's so unacceptable...>>> on Forum topic - At a crossroads on whether to give up or stay in
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by: adhd32 -
Wow this brought back some terrible memories. I too trusted my ADHD H to manage the finances. He read the financial section of noteworthy financial newspapers everyday (before the internet) and seemed to understand things. I was not financially savvy regarding investing and funds etc. Admittedly I should have been more involved or at the very least educated to our finances. We made enough to pay the bills and saved what we could which wasn't much. Tax refunds went to a home repair and improvement every...>>> on Forum topic - Financial Infidelity
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by: J -
I heard the term "emotionally avoidant" used to describe the behavior of shying away, withdrawing ( or whatever ) from emotions, I'm assuming, that are painful or uncomfortable in some way. Instead of labeling a person as "avoidant" as in attachment theory...which sounds clinical and impersonal....Emotionally avoidant is just a description of someone who may avoid painful or intimate feelings because they cause a specific reaction that might be difficult to handle. Anyway, I like that term better than "...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: Swedish coast -
It's easy to see you don't trust him anymore. When trust is gone, there really isn't much left in a marriage, whether there's money or not. I've lost trust too and had to leave. In our case ADHD marriage sure was an unchanging road downward towards disaster. Nothing either of us did helped. And I could blame myself for enabling my ex to rest while I overfunctioned, but what choice was there? He didn't do things because I needed him to, but only if they fitted into his narrow field of confidence. And like...>>> on Forum topic - Financial Infidelity
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by: J -
I remember being told, that the root of word pathetic, is pathos. I'm feeling angry ( again ) but at myself for being pathetic...or pathos....if you like. I was talking about something mundane with my SO last night, and she seemed annoyed. I didn't quite understand why, but I must have shown on my face that I wasn't happy. She even said, I've hurt your feelings haven't I? Not exactly hurt, but frustrated because I was getting that feeling ( once again ) I wasn't getting the entire story especially because...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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by: Off the roller ... -
I remember learning something from Dr Ramini (the woman who speaks about narcisicm...and she says that closure is overrated. And not needed. It's us wanting to have that last shred of control in the hopes of making someone who treated us badly to treat us better... and from the sounds of it: he might be incapable of that.>>> on Forum topic - The ruin
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by: overwhelmed8 -
Thanks for letting me know>>> on Forum topic - Financial Infidelity
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by: J -
I have a few minutes to share some recent events that I mentioned between my SO and I. The "reconnecting" I was talking about. I also mentioned I got angry, but it was very specific, and I made it really clear. I'd already mentioned the : parent child dynamic, the belittling, and more in general, her talking down to me and disrespectful attitude at times. What made this possible was a plea I'd made, pointing out that I don't do these things with her in fact, I reminded her in all the ways I build her up...>>> on Forum topic - RSD, What is it?
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