Recent forum posts (all topics)

I am very new to this, so I'm going to keep this post short.  I was a widower and recently remarried a widow, and we are both retired (in our early 60s).  She has ADHD (self-diagnosed, untreated).  She told me she was ADHD, and I did a little research on the subject, but I sure didn't learn enough to know what I was really getting into.  Now I'm in it.  Wow.  I read of the struggles of others on this site (a site which I discovered not too long ago), and I've noticed that most (all?) the ADHD spouses are the husbands.  I wonder if this is unusual for the wife to be ADHD?

I am a new poster to this forum, this will be long, but I want to explain my background, my joy in the validation that I have felt from finding these books and forums, and my outstanding anger and resentment over what has gone down.

Don’t Just Talk, Communicate

Good communication is the key to strong relationships. This is true for adults with and without attention deficit. The problem is, adults with ADHD often think that they’re communicating when really they’re just talking. How to get your feelings across effectively with friends and partners.

BY KATHLEEN NADEAU, PH.D.

Adults with ADHD know that communication can break down when they are preoccupied with a particular problem, and don’t — or can’t — get their feelings across to their partners.

I joined this forum today because I finally got to a point where I couldn't wait for my weekly therapist appointment, and my ADHD husband has asked me not to share that he has it to my friends and family. I'm at a loss now and hoping to turn to this group for shared experience. I apologize that this is a novel -- I don't know how to be succinct in painting the full picture.

My husband has ADHD and I would love to embrace the idea of letting him experience the consequences of his actions. My main thought that I am struggling with is around sleep, because I, and our family, continue to be impacted by his irregularly irregular sleep schedule. He, similar to many others with ADHD, struggles to get to bed at the time that he intends to go to bed.

I, the husband, is the one with the ADHD. My wife and I separated, and my wife has not been willing to even text me for over a year.  I have been out of her house for two years ago, and she has filed for divorce.  As part of the divorce proceedings, I said that I would agree to the divorce, if she would go to a marriage weekend workshop.  She agreed.

In my efforts to change the dynamic in my relationship, some things are becoming very clear....1) The parent (the responsible party/enabler, is always at fault, and is always the loser (Me)...If that statement makes me or you angry, then my point is proved!

I'm a planner. I used to thrive in having dreams and making them happen. It was exciting, meaningful, energising. It felt like living. 

My partner has ADHD and is not a planner. I am beginning to accept how this impacts on our daily lives but I'm finding it really difficult to accept the total absence of future dreams, goals or plans. He has almost no thoughts on what he wants to do, or what he'd like to achieve for us as a family or what might make him happy for the future. 

In my marriage, (and most of what I read on this site) the way to a workable marriage is so clouded over by human weakness, that healing truth has no chance to surface....In almost 6 years I would guess I've read posts from maybe 50 to 60 people who admit's to having add/adhd...(Maybe more)....And if I categorized them, it would be something like this....20% angry, defensive, and only stopped in to take a shot over the bow of hurting non's..50%...desperate men and women (mostly men) seeking advice on how to keep their abused spouse from leaving (usually after it's too late)....20% who stopp