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Hey all,

We got married less than a year and we have a baby boy, 2 months old now. And we are under divorce process for all the problems and challenges that are described in ADHD marriages. I already knew that he was suffering from hyperactivity when he was young and few days ago, i came into an article about ADHD and was illuminated because it was describing exactly it all. But he refuse to accept or listen...how can i convince him just to be opened to this idea and not look as "nagging" plz.

We’ve been together for over 20 years and it’s never been quite right. I should have known something was up when she was an hour late for our first date. She’s rarely been on time since. Her father should have been a clue - he lives alone surrounded by boxes of junk that he can’t part with, so I am told because no one except his ex-wife is allowed to enter his home. His ex-wife is an enabler of the first order ... and perhaps so am I. 

Hi lovely people,

i have got the courage to finally typ down how  and  where I’m at at the moment. 

It all started 8 years ago. I met this fun guy through a mutual friend after a while we started dating. I got out a relationship and was 30 and  a single mom of 2 at that time. He was 28. Now I’m 39 and I can not find that little piece of me of how I was before. 

He mentioned that he was diagnosed with adhd at the age of 6 but that it isn’t so bad as he thinks it is. He doesn’t want to take meds because that makes him not who he is. 

This has may have been discussed before but I am wondering how far the non ADD spouse should go in helping with the fallout of the their spouse losing things. My DH lost his wallet. He has searched high and low without my help. He is now demanding that I call the credit card companies for him to report the lost cards. I am fatigued not only by this but by the daily dramas . I told him I am not making those calls for him. Am I being unreasonable? If I lost my credit cards I wouldn't expect anyone else to deal with it....

I've been divorced for more than three years.  I think I'm reasonably well adjusted to the divorce.  But every once in awhile, something will happen or I'll read something and I'll feel a sense of heartbreak. Just now, while reading, I came across this line:  "He seems to constantly appreciate something simple about our lives...: we get to spend time together."

Since I have removed emotion and expectations from my marriage, I have been able to accept the things I see and acknowledge myself and face reality better.

Observation Today.  I started a project of removing some old mulch in a flower bed.  While I was gone to the store, H got out his homemade "dirt sifter" and started to scoop the old mulch into it. 

 I just can't keep hoping that he is going to get his shit together. He was fired from his job in April and his severance pay runs out Aug 15th. He has applied for one job. He has been not working for 10 weeks and he has applied for *one* job.  I worked 7:30 to 6:30 on Monday and when I got home he said what should we do for dinner? I thought to myself well you've been home for the last 11 hours and I've been at work. I said tacos. He said no tacos are too much work. I said ok, pancakes from a mix. He said will you do the dishes and I'll make dinner.

I learned my wife had adhd 2 years ago but was ignorant in how at actually attributed to our relationship and who she was as a whole. She went on medication and I waived it off as something she can change if she worked at it hard enough. I also did not yet contribute the adhd to the the textbook struggles we were having that every adhd couple seems to have I’m learning. I did not educate myself enough on adult adhd and attributed the things I saw wrong as character flaws that could be changed.

To my ADHD spouse:

As I sit here, I wonder why I allowed myself to go so far in our relationship; one that has been entirely unfulfilling for over a decade. 

Be Careful What You Tolerate.  You are Teaching People How to Treat You.