Recent forum posts (all topics)

Was sayingto H last night that when I say "You hurt me deeply. I am hurting." It is not ok for him to argue with me about whether or not I have the right to feel hurt. It is also not ok to blame me for something he chose to do. It is also not ok to say it's not that big of a deal. I told him that as my husband if I feel hurt he needs to own his behavior. Found this info about the 4 denials of responsibility and it is on point. Posting in case it's helpful to someone else.

DH says now that he is using a calendar again he feels like a drunk who was on a binge but is now going straight. Makes me want to scream and pull all my hair out. 

He says he can't fix everything overnight. I agree. But he had a system that worked and *he* decided to stop using it bc it was "boring". 

I am beyond frustrated and I am so angry at him for not using the tools that he was offered 3 years ago. It is not my fault that he chose not to do the work. 

I am just tired, sorry but needed to vent. 

My husband said he would have ADHD since his son was diagnosed. He was just like his son when he was a kid. We have tried counseling/treatment, took Dr Thomas Brown's test but the result was, he didn't have it. He was surprised about it though. We didn't know this test takes a patient's word, not family member or friends who are close to him/her. The doctor had some serious health issues, closed his clinic. End of the treatment.

I’ve followed this blog/community for a while...reading all of your posts,  trying to validate the things that I’ve been dealing with and I’ve found them all very helpful.  I’m starting to find my voice and this is my first attempt to tell someone what I’ve  been dealing with my husband for 19 years, married for 13 years on May 6th, and the last 10 years have been a train wreck.  When we first met we had all of the typical ADHAD hyper focus stuff. He made me feel like no other man had ever made me feel. I was his world. I was everything.

I'm not surprised. Life sucks sometimes.

I'm 40, and I was only diagnosed two weeks ago after our couples therapist (literally in our 2nd session, it was wild), suggested I get tested.  It was the absolute first time anyone had even mentioned this as a possibility.  Of course looking back it makes sense (sound familiar?)

Saw something in the New York Times that could help with these issues: www.Focusmate.com

I haven't tried it but it sounds good. It's free and sessions are unlimited. You need a computer with a camera. You sign up, get matched with a virtual co-worker, and you schedule a 50 minute work session. Having a virtual co-worker counting on you at a certain time helps you get started and stay on task. Sounds cool.

Is that more people with ADHD/ADD would read and post on these forums on this site.

I read some of the posts to my BF yesterday, and he thinks some of the behavior that  ADHD partners exhibit is ridiculous, and in his mind have nothing to do with ADHD.  Perhaps his ADHD is not severe, as I am sure there are varying levels of ADHD.  Once he learned strategies and coping mechanisms from his behavioral therapist, he found that his life was made easier through routines and schedules.  

Can a person keep their Individuality, and still be responsible to their commitment as a spouse?....You can find many differing opinions on this particular subject....My thoughts on this subject is Yes....But! (Big But)....Any one who say's (or lives it out)  their individualism is a reason to not discipline their lives toward unity in the relationship, don't want a unified relationship....They want their way (Selfishness)....

in conversation re: when I feel hurt by him how do we resolve that.  I want to talk about it. He wants to forget that it ever happened. Actually he does forget bc as he often tells me Time for him is Now or Not Now. Nothing else exists. Whereas I remember every detail and if it is emotionally intense I remember it very vividly. This is a long standing intense conflict for us. Once again I found myself thinking that my ADD husband just isn't capable of imagining what it is like to be married to him and it is not possible for him to imagine my feelings.