Recent forum posts (all topics)

I learned my wife had adhd 2 years ago but was ignorant in how at actually attributed to our relationship and who she was as a whole. She went on medication and I waived it off as something she can change if she worked at it hard enough. I also did not yet contribute the adhd to the the textbook struggles we were having that every adhd couple seems to have I’m learning. I did not educate myself enough on adult adhd and attributed the things I saw wrong as character flaws that could be changed.

To my ADHD spouse:

As I sit here, I wonder why I allowed myself to go so far in our relationship; one that has been entirely unfulfilling for over a decade. 

Be Careful What You Tolerate.  You are Teaching People How to Treat You.

Dear all,

I finally plucked up my courage to share my experience in this forum. Apologies in advance for the long essay.

When I first read an article by Melissa Orlov on ADHD marriage, I cried so badly because many of the points mentioned resonate with what I experienced in the past 3 years. It’s like I finally understood what I was going through.

My husband & I dated for 6 years & we are married for 3 years. We have a 3 year-old child.

Being real with ourselves (about our state) is the only way to move forward (be content w/ our lives and our selves) in life....I would say most of us who post here, have been stunted when it comes to experiencing what we were created to experience....Not because of things like intelligence, work ethic, convictions about right living (hopefully ;)....This stunting has come to pass by our dislike of circumstances out of our control...If I spend and inordinate amount of time having negative emotions, and over thinking the way someone else lives life (even when I am married to the person) what

Where to begin?! 

I just came back from vacation with my wife, who only admits to having ADHD when it is a "you can't blame me because I have ADHD" excuse, and our two kids.

She almost left her body pillow in a hotel room--until I reminded her to check because she had previously had to buy new ones after leaving them in hotel rooms.

Hello everyone,

This is my first post and I’m sorry that’s its such a dark, long one. I’m just in a very bad place right now and I don’t know what to do...

I’m the ADHD partner, and my husband (non-ADHD partner) and I recently discovered Melissa Orlov’s book, The ADHD Marriage. We’ve been together 10 years, and it’s reached a tipping point.

I read it, and I feel hopeful. For once I feel like all of the problems can be explained and there’s a path forward.

If I’m going to find any happiness in this marriage at all, I have to find a way to lay down my anger.  I don’t even like the word “forgive,” because it always evokes this feeling of him getting off without any consequences.  

But I’ve done the analysis.  Forgiving doesn’t mean there are no consequences.  His consequences: not trying to do anything about his adhd or improving the marriage is that he keeps causing problems for us all and that he doesn’t have the good marriage he says he wants. 

Imagine what your life will be like after the kids are gone and nothing has changed between your spouse and you.  And the only thing that has impacted your relationship is that you have "taught" your spouse that it is OK to ignore you, "do his own thing", spend his own time and money as he wishes without discussion with you.  I am the voice from the other side of your future telling you that this is how you will have to accept your life.  

You will have to accept that:

• you were not loved even though you loved and sacrificed for the marriage partnership.