I’m not angry or mad, just confused and very sad. My partner and I are approaching our year anniversary and I can’t stop feeling like it is all going to end. I watched my previous marriage disintegrate over a 5 year period and I know this relationship is heading the same way if I can’t pull it together.
I believe that in some cases, it's not that the person with ADHD is incapable of changing. I believe they don't change because things work better for them the way they are. They are simply unwilling to change. Why would they want to change when they get their way most of the time and they have someone who is willing to do all the little things in a marriage / relationship that they themselves don't want to do?
Like many in this forum, I feel lonely and isolated much of the time due to my husband’s self-centeredness and unreliability. He has indicated that he’s willing to work on his behaviors, but I know it will be a lifelong struggle for both of us (assuming we make it that long). I am close with my family, but they live in another state. I’m starting to think that the only way I’m going to make it in this marriage is to move close to my family.
hello !
In my other post I wrote about how I moved from Mexico to the Netherlands to be with my partner ... and how in this 9 months of been here have been a nightmare.
I sometimes wonder how I got into this situation with H. How did I eventually let my guard down so much that I daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, decadely permit myself to be regretful and confused?
I am deconstructing our conversations to find clues and here is one. This just happened:
Me: With a positive tone, "I like to stand on this rug"...(it is nubbly textured on stocking feet).
H: With an argumentative tone, "You can't stand on that rug. It isn't your rug."
On Friday, I told my wife that I had to work on an important volunteer project at some point during the weekend. We both knew that we had plans for Sunday. My wife knows that this is LITERALLY a life or death project. Lawyers have sent me notes thanking me for helping to save their clients lives when I have done similar projects. My wife has herself acknowledge that this work saves people's lives.
Last night in couples therapy, the therapist pointed out that my wife has fallen asleep several times during the sessions and expressed concern 1) that she was not getting enough sleep and 2) that she could not stay present.
Trying to be supportive and helpful, I reminded my wife that her mother has sleep apnea. Real, diagnosed sleep apnea. She uses a breathing machine to sleep. I also pointed out that she snores loudly, a symptom that could be related to sleep apnea.
I Googled codependent and Independent today because it occurs to me that H has lived his life like an independent person. His top priority seems to be to NOT be responsible or relied upon by anyone and by calling his own shots. His bravado comes from a sense of his being his own man. No burdens. Not accountable to anyone. I have been one to always put the marriage and family first and now I am resentful.
Hello! I just recently discovered this forum and maybe it is a way for me to get the help I am looking for and that so far I don't get.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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