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This is my first time posting here though I have been reading every word for the last several weeks since finding this site. I am an American who has been living and working in England for 10+ years. I have been married for 17 years with a woman who had undiagnosed ADD (until diagnosed 2+ yrs. ago) and we have a 15 yo daughter....... Just turned 60 this last weekend and sadly, did not feel like celebrating the milestone at all.

After it's all said and done, I feel so sad and alone.

It feels like the only way I can get some emotional needs met is if I "give in" and accept that my husband is a slave laborer, and messy and we will never get out of this house because he won't get rid of his crap nor will he take care of his bills.  He will never plan anything.... well you all know the drill.

In other words to get some companionship, I need to accept all these irritating bits.

I am going to really brush over most of the details because, quite frankly, they have been repeated a million times on this forum from what i have read.  I am the male adhd spouse in a 27 year relationship with 2 great kids.  Our relationship took a real nose dive about 4 years ago as i sunk into a depression that i did not see or understand.  I detached from my wife and my kids a lot.  I didn't know that i was having difficulty dealing with adhd.  I knew i had it when i was a child but never understood what it really was, besides the major hyperactivity i had growing up.  That passed in my

I think I finally realized that I need a support group. I have been reading all the blogs on this website and I can't help but feel happy that I am not alone with my anger/frustration/weakness from being in a relationship with someone who has ADHD and abusive tendencies, but at the same time I feel more depressed because it validates a lot of how I feel about my current relationship with my BF. Yes, I am just a GF, sadly because he was married for the five years that we have been together, and he also has two daughters (one has ADD, the other ADHD).

A friend of mine just said an interesting thing.  That if a girl was raised in a family with honesty, forthrightness, good work ethic, etc....she has a bigger chance of marrying someone who does NOT have those characteristics because she assumes (naively) that people's intentions are good and that they are being honest and she does not look for lies, manipulations or laziness because she is not conditioned to believe those things naturally exist in some people.

We are looking for an objective third party to diagnose what we think is ADHD in my husband. Can anyone offer any suggestions as to whether we should go to an ADHD-specializied physician, a neuro psychologist, a marriage counselor, or a family medicine practitioner?

Thank you.

Ruth

What are some thoughts here about "best case scenario" for having a life with as little chaos as possible within the context of an ADHD marriage?  What are  some things that have caused the rest of you to struggle the most?  How could it be better?  If you knew what you know now AND STILL CHOSE TO MARRY YOUR PARTNER what would you do differently?  I will start:  I would not have children or many pets.  I would have one, maybe two cats.  As for my children, they are my world and I absolutely would not live without them now that they are here, but bringing them into the world with a spouse wh

Before I got home last night, my wife reported having conflicts with out daughter, so they were both in bad moods and primed.

Our daughter had not eaten her school lunch and wanted to drink her Yoo-Hoo.  My wife put her foot down and there wsa screaming and stamping.