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Hello! I'm new to this site and was wondering if I could get some help with a really irritating part of our relationship.

Hello all, long time lurker here but first time poster. Up until a few weeks ago I was in a relationship for 5 years. The individual had been diagnosed with ADHD since they were a child. They were on meds but about a few months ago the medication stopped being as effective. Our 5 years together were great (not the first 2 years but the rest was). Or so I thought. Lately we had been going back and forth about progress in our relationship. After 5 years I was looking to get engaged and move in together.

While I've taken time to be away from this forum, I graduated from college.  I started classes in January 2012 on the business track, then shifted to follow my passion - children.  This May, I graduated and took that stroll down the aisle to receive my diploma. . . . . . . exactly 40 years after I took the stroll down the aisle to receive my high school diploma. Cool.

My spouse acknowledges his ADHD (just diagnosed in May). He has tremendous insight into his problem with anger management.  He absolutely gets the impact of that on me and the kids.  But, it happens so fast.  That hair trigger temper.  It's SO fast, I can't see it coming.  Then his words are out.  They are loud and sometimes mean.  They are VERY sarcastic.  And then, for him, it's over.  He feels bad.  And I just fester like a pot of boiling water.  This pattern has gone on for years and I feel broken.  What if he can't fix this?  He wants to.  But it keeps happening.

 I have these words to describe what I see happening on this board.  There may or may not be ADD/ADHD but many of us are in coupledom with someone who values their independence above all. 

I'm ending a 4 1/2 year relationship with someone with severe ADHD or, at least, it seems that way. He's going through a lot of stress right now. In addition to the change with us, his parents are divorcing and his money is tight. It seems that he's having a break before my eyes. On top of his usual foul mood, his behavior has taken a really dark turn and is now unpredictable. This change started taking shape a few days ago. Pretty much he's crafted a complex conspiracy theory and is weaving his family, friends, and even me into it.

Because our daughters are in town, and he needs a place to stay when he visits them here (versus at his parents' home, 150 miles away).  I feel like a good person, although a very stressed person.

Since, I am officially calling our marriage over even if not by decree......I have since had a couple of "gifts" thrown at me and I'm taking them and running with them and using them for the future.  I am convinced in my situation, that Narcissism on some level was a real factor regardless of anything else going on.  I'm stating that and making that distinction since I have come out of this with a new found revelation which I have discovered recently and I am what this is saying.  On the positive side for all concerned I guess I'm what you call an empath?  Okay, go figure but I fit this def

I have ADHD and he has ADHD. Difference is I knew and was able to be trained about it from childhood. While I definitely still have it, I also have the tools to compensate for the most part. 

So when I got home the other day and saw that shoes were placed in the shoebox. I was so happy.

It's a little thing. But when he does things without asking. Especially things he doesn't really want to do. It feels like a win. 

So I am the ADHD spouse, my question is: Does anyone else feel like when they go to bed after a night of arguing, once you wake up its like the night before didn't happen? I need help figuring out what wrong with me.