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This subject is not really that relevant to this site, but I'm kind of desperate! While I don't always post here, I have found this site to be a life-saver, a sanity-maintainer, a reality-checker and an amazing source for new ideas and fresh perspectives on being married to an ADHD'er.

Dear friends, I struggle with how sick my ADD family is. We all seem ridiculously prone to colds, but I was never like this growing up or when I lived alone. I believe ADHD is somehow linked to inflammation. Is there a connection? 

I found a diary note from February 9, which said at least one child had then been home sick every day since New year's. We had also all been ill for a week over Christmas. And now it's the same, at least one, more often two or three, have been at any one time down with flu-like symptoms the last month. 

My wife decided a few months ago that she was going to finally talk to her doctor about medication for her ADHD. Well, that doc was the one that diagnosed my wife well over a year ago, but has since left the practice. This past summer, my wife saw her new primary doc, which was the PA of the old doc. When my wife asked about ADHD meds, the new doc asked if she had been tested, my wife says yes. The new doc asks if she's been really tested with a referral... She hadn't.

This concept has been simmering in my brain for about 8 years now. It immediately resonated when I first heard it named specifically  on this forum ( that long ago ) but it's taken this long to apply it myself and pinpoint why it resonated. Narrowing it down. This is actually huge. Again, this is only how I can apply to myself and no one else. There's also way too many reasons and components to this to write it all down, but simply jotting down in summary form as a: where I am now...in my own understanding is useful as a way to cement this into my head. Just sharing as I usually do.

My partner has ADHD and I find I am constantly reminding him things he needs to do or follow up. He does remember some things but it's so varied and random there is no way of telling what he will and won't remember to do. 

I find it really exhausting as I end up keeping every task in my head and monitoring progress, even if he's said he'll take something on and lead. I can't seem to get the balance of trying to get some equality in life admin, and also not burning out from the management that takes. It feels less anxiety provoking to take it all on but that's not the answer.

I was just able to fit these puzzle pieces together to form the larger picture. This is just for my own awareness which is always helpful.

Breaking this down:

OCD can be broken down into two components: 

Thoughts and behaviors.

Similar to ADHD I suppose, everyone sees the behaviors ( the symptoms ) but they can't see the thoughts that go with them. 

The thoughts can cause extreme anxiety and stress at times, which is how they link together. Anxiety.

Hello all,

this is my very first message here on these forums but I’ve been an active reader for years and years and have gotten a lot of mental support from all of you guys here (thank you). English is not my first language so bare with me if I write something unclear. My husband is an English native speaker and does not speak my language so the language between us is English. 

Have been wrecking my mind to understand why my ADD ex partner was so unkind in the end. All the terrible things he said and later confirmed. The best explanation for most of his behavior has been that he was trying to avoid fear and shame. With this unkindness, I struggle to make that connection. It was so destructive and hurtful. But what did he gain from it?

Was he trying to destroy everything completely so there would be no way back for us? Did he want to destroy me? Was it revenge for feeling intimidated by my over functioning?

We used to be okay with minor issues, things bothered me but not to this extent.     He used to run every morning, he had structure.  Bedtime together used to be reasonable 9:30ish pm. He'd always text what are you thinking for dinner. He'd be supportive when I had some rough days at work. Can we ever get back there? 

 But life happened- family deaths, employment changes, covid, surgeries, new puppy and now things are exponentially out of control with a diagnosis of ADHD and OCD very apparent 

His time away from home is too much for me

Have been pondering on what was lost when the ADD marriage dissolved. 

Since I've been ill for quite some time now (it's not serious), I've been alone and incapable of most things I usually do. It hits me then, how an entire world is lost with divorce. The narrative. The stories we used to tell. The memories I'm not certain about anymore, since their meaning may have shifted.