Recent forum posts (all topics)

. 

We've been married for 30+ yrs. Husband was diagnosed when he was 50, but we struggled long before that. He takes meds, goes to therapy and says he spends "so much time" working on his ADHD. We've gone to couples therapy and taken Melissa's class twice. I've gone to therapy multiple times as well. Despite all this, to me it feels like his ADHD is untreated. I've tried to help him with docs and treatment but he needs to help himself.  He suffers from severe RSD, which I think is the root of so much of what we struggle with. He takes guanficine, but it doesn't seem to help. The ever so smallest thing sets him off into an irritability spiral and he's snarky and mean. I manage all things that require any attention to detail, I coordinate 99% of the details of our lives....... it seems like he only hears 25% of what we talk about. I never know if he's paid attention to stuff so I can't count on him for many things. When I ask a question about something we've talked about multiple times and he doesn't remember talking about it he gets all irritable and lashes out at me. Sometimes he says he's sorry for lashing out, but there's usually an excuse ..... "oh I didn't sleep, my phone isn't working". I'm exhausted, angry, sad, lonely and frustrated. I've told him multiple times that I'm at the end of my rope and something has to change. He makes some changes for a week or so then we're back to the same place....... over and over and over. I'm not the happy, fun creative person I used to be. So often he sucks all the joy from me. After his little meltdowns he can snap out of it and make jokes, but I'm spent and can't "snap out of it". So I stay angry, frustrated and cold towards him because I'm just so tired of being treated like that. We retired a few years ago and I thought things might improve since we would both be less stressed, but that hasn't been the case. He gets so hyper focused on various things that he's oblivious to everything else. When I mention the hyper focus  he says "oh I guess I just can't do x - I'll just quit doing that". 
For a long time I kept thinking he could find something..... therapy, new med, new tool........that  would help us, but I now realize that's not going to happen and at almost 70 he's not going to change. I'm struggling with making the break, financially it will be hard. I often think "who will take care of me when I'm 80" or "I don't want to be alone" ...... but then I realize how alone I feel now and wonder if I'd be better off calling it quits?????  I read all the stories here and I'm not optimistic that we can make it work. 

50 years old, just diagnosed less than a year ago. Financially stable, career stable, a little impulsive, but very internally hyperactive. Only been married a short time. I'm in my third ADHD and relationships book. 2 by Orlov. I've read all of them. She will not. It's a me problem, not an us problem. 

I'm tired of the backhanded or just out right derogatory comments. The, and I quote "Let me tell you why you're wrong. "

The rejection and withholding of affection. The gaslighting. The I'm never right she's never wrong. 

It's exhausting and I'm overwhelmed. 

Can't cope with the constantly changing plan

Today for the first time after divorce I had to rescue a situation where my ADD ex-partner had slipped on his responsibilities. Child came to me late Sunday evening. My child was unprepared for the upcoming week's school assignments and lacked necessary equipment. Stress set in since the situation was not entirely beyond repair, but almost.

I saved it, to the cost of rising early Monday after having worked an evening shift, child's disappointment and tears, and having to spend my day off sorting it out. But it was interesting to see what the ADD slip did to me physically. 

I've spent hours reading posts on  this forum, like everyone else, your stories of ADD H, could be mine. Just recently realised that ADD is what is going on with H, after our son was diagnosed a year ago. Could never explain H's behaviours, always knew something was different but due to his being a rather avoidant and passive person who doesn't have the anger issues (well external anyway, have since realised he has successfully internalised it into passive aggression), but soon after marriage everything went downhill.

Trying to find techniques or tips on how to deal with a ruminating partner who has shut down emotionally.

Gone from a 20 hr a week job to deciding to do a full time one....

Trouble is shes been regularly doing 10 hour days for 7 days a week. No extra pay. I'm sure her employer thinks shes the best employee ever!

Trouble is I can see her getting tireder and tireder. I just know its all going to implode one way or another. I'm guessing its the ADHD thing where shes got no stop or switch off button?

Its a fairly flexible job where the hours are up to you. I'm sure shes convinced shes not done enough work so I do try to show her but sure she doesn't believe me.

Any suggestions?

Am I the only who REALLY struggles with this?

It is honestly trying to deal with a teenager who just cannot be bothered to organise their life. I rarely go out - next week I've got one night where I'm out.

So I put it in her outlook calendar. Nope she booked work the same evening. Then its my fault then for not reminding her.....

I know people say leave the other person alone let them deal with consequences but its things like this.....