Been quiet on here lately as I have found myself in the void. That void of not wanting to 'rock the boat' by bringing up issues and trying to solve them... but knowing deep down that I'm living in a way that I don't want to. Today was a bad day for my spouse - mentally.
I had something happen the other night that really broke things open for me. It allowed me to address some hidden anger I've been carrying around with me for quite some time. I thought this might be interesting to share as well.
Can't trust non ADHD husband after his lies and behaviour
I'm reflecting on the amount of real life current stories I hear about marriages turning out more or less like mine, acquaintances, same age span, with undiagnosed but suspiciously alike husbands. Silent avoidant men with some eccentricity, depression, anxiety and little visible action about them. Frustrated sad stressed out women.
I've decided I am "done" with my partner. I've been trying, but he isn't taking his meds and he isn't communicating anymore. He is going to therapy, but I don't know what it is that he is working on. He started seeing a psychologist over stress at his job. The stress is partly because he decided to say something impulsive at work which got him into trouble. Except now, they are holding him accountable more regularly, and as a result, he is reacting to it and doing what he can to shift the blame back to them. I do know they talk about personal things, but I'm not sure how much.
This might be a long post, so for now, I'll just jot down a few thoughts. This is my personal journey to healing. It's the only way to do what I need to do, in order for "us" to make it.
5 stages of grieving
"There is a road, no simple highway
Between the dawn and the dark of night
And if you go, no one may follow
That path is for your steps alone."
Robert Hunter
I'm beginning to see the light.
J
About two years ago, i started dating a woman who was in the process of getting the diagnose of adhd. The dating process was sometimes difficult because we didn’t see each other that much. She was, most of the time, too busy in her mind and overwhelmed with everything. After a year of dating we got official. We still didn’t see each other that much, but once a week was a big step up. She was still struggling but we had it good together. The last two months were more difficult. She was more agitated and overwhelmed at times. This also got to me.
ADHD is causing physical, mental, emotional, spiritual death.
My husband was diagnosed about 12 yrs ago, at about 41 yrs old. Our marriage was at a total breaking point. He was actually living in our camper at a state park for several weeks and finally decided to go get help and started meds. He was on meds for about 4 yrs but even then, he was on the fast acting Ritalin and mainly took it for work, rarely when he was at home. I talked to him several times about taking it while home and how it helped our communication and relationship and he would agree but it wouldn't last. Then he stopped taking it altogether.
It occurred to me, ever since I've been to this forum its primarily been women talking about their husband's with ADHD. ( it didn't just occur to me but, I'm revisiting that again ).
When I'm taking inventory of all the common issues brought up here, the main one is about the non-ADHD spouse having to do more work with a greater load ( cognitive load ) than their ADHD counter part.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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