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This concept has been simmering in my brain for about 8 years now. It immediately resonated when I first heard it named specifically  on this forum ( that long ago ) but it's taken this long to apply it myself and pinpoint why it resonated. Narrowing it down. This is actually huge. Again, this is only how I can apply to myself and no one else. There's also way too many reasons and components to this to write it all down, but simply jotting down in summary form as a: where I am now...in my own understanding is useful as a way to cement this into my head. Just sharing as I usually do.

My partner has ADHD and I find I am constantly reminding him things he needs to do or follow up. He does remember some things but it's so varied and random there is no way of telling what he will and won't remember to do. 

I find it really exhausting as I end up keeping every task in my head and monitoring progress, even if he's said he'll take something on and lead. I can't seem to get the balance of trying to get some equality in life admin, and also not burning out from the management that takes. It feels less anxiety provoking to take it all on but that's not the answer.

I was just able to fit these puzzle pieces together to form the larger picture. This is just for my own awareness which is always helpful.

Breaking this down:

OCD can be broken down into two components: 

Thoughts and behaviors.

Similar to ADHD I suppose, everyone sees the behaviors ( the symptoms ) but they can't see the thoughts that go with them. 

The thoughts can cause extreme anxiety and stress at times, which is how they link together. Anxiety.

Hello all,

this is my very first message here on these forums but I’ve been an active reader for years and years and have gotten a lot of mental support from all of you guys here (thank you). English is not my first language so bare with me if I write something unclear. My husband is an English native speaker and does not speak my language so the language between us is English. 

Have been wrecking my mind to understand why my ADD ex partner was so unkind in the end. All the terrible things he said and later confirmed. The best explanation for most of his behavior has been that he was trying to avoid fear and shame. With this unkindness, I struggle to make that connection. It was so destructive and hurtful. But what did he gain from it?

Was he trying to destroy everything completely so there would be no way back for us? Did he want to destroy me? Was it revenge for feeling intimidated by my over functioning?

We used to be okay with minor issues, things bothered me but not to this extent.     He used to run every morning, he had structure.  Bedtime together used to be reasonable 9:30ish pm. He'd always text what are you thinking for dinner. He'd be supportive when I had some rough days at work. Can we ever get back there? 

 But life happened- family deaths, employment changes, covid, surgeries, new puppy and now things are exponentially out of control with a diagnosis of ADHD and OCD very apparent 

His time away from home is too much for me

Have been pondering on what was lost when the ADD marriage dissolved. 

Since I've been ill for quite some time now (it's not serious), I've been alone and incapable of most things I usually do. It hits me then, how an entire world is lost with divorce. The narrative. The stories we used to tell. The memories I'm not certain about anymore, since their meaning may have shifted.

In case you don't know my story, my spouse got a proper dx of ADHD and intermitted (spelling? but it's definitely chronic) depression earlier last year. However getting the diagnosis has not improved anything in our marriage. From March 2020 to today, it's been one roller coaster after another that I didn't sign up to be on. Through all this, we have a 'tween' (11 year old) boy who is an only child and has had a front row seat to all of this.

Hello, I am new here, and I came to this website because I am struggling greatly with my marriage. I don't think my partner, who has ADHD, has any idea about how difficult this is for me. We've been married for 24 years. He was first diagnosed in 2019, but then Covid struck and everything went out the window. He finally revisited the diagnosis in 2022 and found a therapist to work with as well as a psychiatrist who could prescribe medication. I've been doing my own work and I've come to a point where I just don't see how this relationship is possible anymore.

Hey all,