Recent forum posts (all topics)

Sorry all, this will sound self-pitying. I'll write it anyway because I need to take down these realizations when they come.

Have been struggling for a few days. Am very unhappy. Have dwelled in memory of the deepest despair of the past year.

The therapist tells me I suffer from trauma and have been manipulated. Vacation makes it unavoidable. No distractions.

I've been lurking on the forum recently, haven't been posting or commenting too much. But something came to me the other day and I wanted to see what you all thought (Both ADHD and non-ADHDers here): 

Before I say anything else, I want to thank everyone on this forum who have helped me with some much love, compassion and kindness despite, my obvious ignorance in so many ways including saying things that may have been hurtful or made people angry because of my own obliviousness. ( is that a word ? ) Without even knowing exactly where I've done this, I know I have and I'm deeply sorry that I've been the cause of this hurt.

Which leads me to say.....

If it hadn't been for this forum and Melissa's book and class, I never would have understood the concept of Symptom, Response, Response which is exactly what has happened at times in my relationship with my SO who is also ADHD. Being able to recognize it has really helped me not take things personally, know what I'm seeing, and remind me that I'm a part of this dynamic too. I know without question I have a part to play and I have to be watching myself continuously to make sure I'm doing my part in not making it worse. Nipping it the bud if you will. Having two people with ADHD together means this is kind of like patting your head and rubbing your belly AND playing 3D Chess at the same time! Lots of things to remember and think about...including the fact that I'm looking at a mirror when I see my SO much of the time.

I've also been able to recognize the timetable of our relationship together having just past the 2 year mark. The honeymoon phase is now changing to another phase in our relationship. Again, truly helpful when you start thinking those "what's wrong here" thoughts? Something really has changed, but knowing what it is takes the mystery away along with notion that it's actually wrong. 

Experience SRR and then actually recognizing what's actually happening is helpful beyond all get out...and I have this site and all the people in to thank.

Thank you.

J

I've been doing some soul searching. What did I do during our many years together that hurt my undiagnosed ADD partner?

We all know some very common things, and those I've done. I was critical of his priorities and questioned his performance. I dismissed most of his ideas.

Impatient by nature, I've made him feel he was always too slow. I've prompted action and decisiveness to no avail. I've shown irritation at his natural pace. 

How to reach out to my adhd partner, if he is refusing my contact 

Bad bad bad situation.  Trigger warning.

Any advice on dealing with stream of consciousness interruption. My ADHD wife and I work together and I feel like I can barely think about what I have to do, every time Im within earshot, there's a comment, complaint, or request about what's going on in her day. 99% of those don't concern me or aren't time-sensitive, Sometimes work-related, sometimes not. I don't want to make her feel like she can't talk to me but I am exhausted at the end of the days because it takes me too much focus to do my work and context-switch all day to join in on her problems /tasks/conversation. 

Hello looking for general support really. I've been with my husband for 11 years. Five of those married. It's the same as everyone else really, we were great until we got married and then he totally changed. We got pregnant quite quickly and he was overwhelmed with the prospect of becoming a dad and I couldn't do or say anything right. Covid hit us hard financially and the loss of work sent him into a depression. I noticed huge mood changes during this time and every 3 months he would say he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me or want our life together.

Struggling with loneliness without the children after divorce. Our home is so empty when they're not with me and I feel redundant in it.

It seems true what some say that 4-6 months post divorce there can be a pit of darkness. I've been in it and crawled out of it. Many days now I'm cheerful at work and can enjoy some socializing or  activities on days off. Its relieving to no longer cry most days and not unconsciously draw as much attention to my pain around other people.

(Edited)

I remember Melissa telling the story of when her husband first tried ADHD meds specifically stimulants if I remember correctly. Recalling that he almost right away knew they were not right for him. I understand this fron my own experience trying Strattera, non-stimulant medication.  After not to long a time, not only did it not feel like it was doing anything, I had this really uncomfortable side effect that made me feel ( as I put it ) "not like myself". It was the strangest feeling, almost out of body,  but I knew right away this was not the drug for me.

Currently I'm trying to make a decision whether to go back on Adderall ( or any medication ) solely for the fact, that stressor from work and work in general have caused a change where I'm not able to get as much sleep and excersise as I was while I wasn't working full time. Diet, excersise and sleep were my go to's for ADHD management and were working fairly well by themselves.

Without being in a relationship and working full time, these natural ways to helping mitigate my ADHD symptoms comes with one distinct advantage I've found: when you're taking drugs ( any drugs ) you're altering your bodies natural homeostasis. 

If you have a drink, you're changing aspects about yourself compared to when you are completely sober. Different aspect of your personality emerge and other are subdued. This is true of any drug you'd take including ones that target ADHD symptoms.

What I really noticed when I stopped taking Adderall, is a return of everything I remembered from the past....all the good and bad, whether I liked it or not.

After some time, I realized however....even the bad like depression or anxiety do serve a purpose.  Just like any other emotion or feeling, these things are road signs that tell you what to do.

Myself on Adderall is in essence, my drugged self. Different aspect of my personality emerge and others are subdued. Even if it's working to target some symptoms successfully....not every symptom is addressed and a couple are even made worse. I tend to talk more on Adderall for example,  which is not actually always helpful.  I talk enough all by myself with any outside help!

By changing my bodies natural homeostasis, you also get robbed of some of your natural feelings and senses. Anytime you start changing one thing like this, it effects everything including what you do ( or not do ), decisions you might make and probably a short list of other things that are all listed under one umbrella. 

So the decision to go back is actually more complicated as I originally thought?

I know Dr Russell Barkley is adamant that no amount of "trying harder" is going to make a difference....medication is absolutely the way to go.

On the other hand, my first prescriber for Adderall said, that most of her patients stop taking Adderall after a while, as they report that it did what it needed to do, and they can take it from there. ( Paraphrasing)

I don't know? 

I feel like the only reason to take it now is so I'm still functioning on all 8 cylinders when I get home from work but, if I take it too late in the day, I tend to skip dinner and stay up too late which both interfere with the diet and sleep aspect of treatment.  Argh! What to do? 

Sleep and excersise are my #1 and #2 most effective treatments but I so tired when I come home from work that I normally pass out early leaving my girlfriend by herself for the rest of the evening which really bothers me as well as her at times. Adderall would certainly take care of that in short order. I was able to stay awake,  be attentiive and focused longer than I ever normally did when I wasn't taking it.

I feel like this a kind of Catch 22.

J