Recent forum posts (all topics)

Where to begin?

I love my wife. 

We have been married for 12 years and I feel like most of that time I have been trying to solve problems or complete tasks for her. It is never ending. In the early years I chalked this up to a picky wife with high standards or maybe just a woman's preference thing. None of this changed the way I felt about her.  I could write a book with all of the incomplete gigantic problems/projects/tasks I have tackled in the hopes that she would be satisfied. You see, she was only diagnosed recently.

Hello, We've been married for 40 years and it's been hell relieved by me making my own happy times. I have three children with him.

On the plus side he works hard and has always supported the family and home.

On the negative side he panics in ordinary but new situations, like a self service checkout, makes rash decisions and causes chaos which he blames on the machine, same when traveling.

I have been just thinking about relationships a lot over the past several year.  

My own parents have been married since 1957.  She was 21 and he was 25 when they married.  My Dad was an active alcoholic till 1991.  Alcoholism was the atmosphere in which I lived till I was 20 and moved into my own apartment.  (I believe he is ADHD -  will never know, he is 84)

Today my husband and I got in a huge fight! I unloaded the dishwasher, and he asked me when I ran the dishwasher. I have no idea when I ran it!!!! He accused me of "playing dumb" and then he proceeded to throw out tons of clean dishes into the sink. He wanted me to tell the truth, but my truth is that I have no memory of running he dishwasher. He keeps saying, "we both know that you know when you ran the dishwasher." I'm not going to tolerate these lies. He says that I like to lie for fun, and I can't be trusted. I try really hard to tell the truth.

This is a vent. It's not here to teach anyone anything or to be informative. I'm not writing this to help anyone other than for those to hear my thoughts and why I am angry. I'm going to speak the only way I know how....and that is from the heart. In those terms....I'm not going to explain myself to anyone or apologize for the way I feel. I'm going to use terms I'm familiar with to speak how I feel about this seemingly never ending and all the unresolved issues that spring from it.....

This will be really detailed story, but I think all of it is relevant.

I need help, cause I've never been so confused about a guy and what to do... :( 

We've read a lot of posts from women who are upset at their ADHD partners because they won't be medicated or take their meds regularly.

In the past few months, I've had my eyes opened.  For years, H has been difficult.  For years, I never understood his resistance to taking meds correctly or regularly or getting the "right" meds.  Some were supposed to be taken every morning, but he'd resist, and then take too many later once he was too upset to sleep that night (after raging all evening).  

 

I've never in my life experienced what is happening to me now. I am disorganized, easily distracted, incredibly overwhelmed and essentially unmotivated. I've been in a relationship with a man with ADD and depression for a little over 7 years. It took 6 years to get him on medication and therapy, which seems to be more the norm than the exception. The anger, dear god, his anger.

I've read a lot on this forum over the past few years about Co-dependence. It brought me to the reality a good while back that I have the disease. (if alcohol addiction can be a disease, why can't co-dependents?) I give credit to many of the posters on this forum for helping me to move past the (denial, mental block, ignorance, self-righteousness, fear) things in my little mind that has and does prohibit me from self-awareness and the ability to see and confront myself honestly.

A quick post and update on the progress of the other day when I finally broke through the ice with my wife.  As I predicted, she would default back some and this was a good call.

Before....I could say nothing but  "I don't know"...to stay in the middle.  But I don;t know doesn't get you very far if they need something from you...or you need something from them.  Since this is a dynamic condition between the two of us.  I found I had to change strategies to meet the change as it comes.