Recent forum posts (all topics)

I've read a lot on this forum over the past few years about Co-dependence. It brought me to the reality a good while back that I have the disease. (if alcohol addiction can be a disease, why can't co-dependents?) I give credit to many of the posters on this forum for helping me to move past the (denial, mental block, ignorance, self-righteousness, fear) things in my little mind that has and does prohibit me from self-awareness and the ability to see and confront myself honestly.

A quick post and update on the progress of the other day when I finally broke through the ice with my wife.  As I predicted, she would default back some and this was a good call.

Before....I could say nothing but  "I don't know"...to stay in the middle.  But I don;t know doesn't get you very far if they need something from you...or you need something from them.  Since this is a dynamic condition between the two of us.  I found I had to change strategies to meet the change as it comes.

As I explained...I had some experience with psychedelic drugs in the past....but the experience I had when the window opened up was a completely different experience.  When I was in that weakened state of depression...where I was feeling like I didn't care anymore whether I lived or died....this does something to your emotional state.  When that happens....fear disappears.  If you think about it...fear is there for a reason....to indicate danger or something to avoid that might hurt you or so you won't die.  If you don't care whether you live or die....fear is not necessary anymore.  And fr

The French Kiss is a good movie to watch if you feel the one you love is not acting like he loves or appreciates you.  The Frenchman, Kevin Klien, tells Kate, Meg Ryan, how to WIN her fiance back.  His lessons make sense.  Don't beg, or try too hard, but keep a level head and find your happiness.  Find out what lights you up...don't sit pining for what brings you down.  

Preface:  I'm up all night again, and I can't sleep.  I've been doing a lot of connecting up lately and part of it....I need to get down before I lose it.

So many stories of husbands with ADHD ... but could it just be character faults?

For anyone reading this....the term "Going through the wall" has a particular significance to me from my childhood. As a competitive swimmer beginning at the age of 6 and coming from a family dysfunction that completely undermined my ability to have any faith and belief in myself....and the fact I had un-diagnosed ADHD in those terms...created a situation where I was singled out in my family as the "one" who could not be trusted. I was the only one in my family, where all other family members (but particularly my parents) that had no faith and trust extended to.

Both the ADHD and the non-ADHD parter.

My ADHD partner "tries" but if only I was less angry/more loving/more caring/ more empathetic etc... then he would come to bed/contribute more/let go of his video game addiction and spending addiction. He only reacts to my anger and to my negative reinforcement.

"He who cares the least wins."  I think of this quote quite often in my own relationship with H. He seems to need his independence and control and "self" more than he needs a relationship with his marriage and wife. That seems to be the mode of the day ..... boundaries and self-hood and self-pampering.   I DO feel needy often.  I WANT to care and have connection.  Does that make me co-dependent?  Or does the fact that our needs are not being met mean that our needs are not being met?  Does our society believe that caring more is linked to desperation? 

I feel so beaten down today.  Today I could walk out my front door and never look back.  Everything is a project.  Nothing is smooth or easy.  I have gained 25+ pounds for a grand total weight of 170 pounds.  That is in the last year.  Oldest son, turning 17 tomorrow, OD'd in January and got out of rehab in late February.  He has been clean for 138 days.  Youngest son, 14-freshman, has Asperger's and is doing terribly in school.  We had a family session with me, DH and oldest son today as part of his recovery.