Recent forum posts (all topics)

Zapp replied to another thread, and it really got me thinking. Its easy to focus on the damage being done to me, to feel the hurt and neglect from his anger transference, from his near constant rejection etc. I know what all of that stems from so I have stood my ground with him, never giving up. And now - for the "who knows how many times" time - he has stated again that he doesnt want to be married. Of course, I am not surprised - a World of Warcraft movie came out, new expansion to the game and all.

You know... The whole smoking thing... All I asked is that he cleaned up after himself.  And he doesn't even bother doing that.  

There are NINE empty boxes on my table on the deck and nasty ashtray.. All getting ready to be blown across the yard.  I have asked so many times to have that taken care of.  

Here is how is has gone for 40 years:  I invite, plan menu, buy groceries for menu, clean house, set table, peel, marinate the meat for the grill, clean up prep mess, lead, take care of the granddaughters while doing this because they usually have stayed overnight.     H is sitting in the garage smoking while I am doing this saying he is "mowing the lawn". People come to the door, he is still smoking until I am ready to call him to say the meat is ready to put on the grill.

Maybe I am delusional, and maybe I am missing the mark completely... but something occurred to me this morning when I woke up.

So - I heard this song, and BOY did it resonate with me today!  PLUS - its got Marines!  And who doesnt love them! :-)

THEY CANNOT HAVE OUR SOULS!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuwfgXD8qV8

Days like this I want to drive away
Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade
You chewed me up and spit me out
Like I was poison in your mouth
You took my light, you drained me down
But that was then and this is now, now look at me

This is just a humorous post...that came out of something my therapists has used to help me (and us together) understand (my) particular situation with my wife and I. This is done on both of our behalf including my wife and she is in on this too......For me....this helps me in  order to get me to see my wife...from the perspective of a character...or "nature of the beast" way of seeing things.  This is really is helpful for me...in understanding what my wife...is not always able to communicate with me as far as her needs are concerned.

So most days most of us do okay with the lack of support or emotional connection in our marriages, or at least we have made our peace with it.  But then there are days where you think you are keeping all the balls in the air and one comes CRASHING down and you realize just how alone you are even when there is another supposed adult in the house.  That was my day today.  Four weeks ago I had back surgery.  It went great and I feel terrific.  The bill came in the mail.  Thank GOD for our terrific insurance (from my job) because the entire thing was $20,000 and we only owe $1900.

Those intense changes? Those ones I was so proud of for my H that he had accomplished over the past 3 weeks? Yeah... those... Another false start...

I have never been formally diagnosed with ADHD, but based on my life history and my neuro-psych testing results "ADHD - highly probable", i believe that i have ADHD (inattentive).  My wife says that i don't try hard enough, that i'm not pulling my weight in the marriage.  She doesn't want to pay to have me tested so someone can us that i have ADHD, because i won't follow thru on anything a therapist suggests (go figure!).  She doesn't really understand ADHD and doesn't want to learn about it.  She says that i am just using it as a "get out of jail free" card when i neglect to do something.