The most frustrating part of dealing with an ADHD spouse is their mind is so scattered that they don't realize their mind is scattered. The excuses, defensiveness, and the absurd circular logic is mind boggling. Nobody can possibly defend this position without creating some kind of weird alternate reality for themselves. They are normal, it is the rest of us who are crazy.
My husband and I are currently separated, but when he took me to the doctor a few days ago we had a series of good talks. He is looking for an ADHD coach, and he's finally, finally admitting the ADHD is affecting him more than he wanted to admit. He also told me he is scared he's going to find out he might be worse than his schizophrenic brother and bipolar mother. I think fear has driven several of his behaviors that he hasnt wanted to face.
Something I am reading over the years on this board is "...but I love him." This, after atrocious stories of not communicating, irresponsibility, ignoring, sometimes mean things the writer has written about the person they "love". I understand this but I no longer say this is true for me. In these cases, LOVE is not love but NEED and DENIAL....and grasping for hope. Fantasy thinking.
I would like to be a more outgoing person, but I am CONSTANTLY afraid it's going to upset my husband. I just never know what I'm going to get from him on a daily basis. He left his old job back in November which he hated and has been at a new one since then and says he really loves this new job and everyone there. However, it is a customer service job and he has to deal with some unfriendly customers and there are a couple of guys he works with that can rub him the wrong way. I never know if he's going to come home happy or upset or tired and cranky.
My SO has ADHD and also a personality disorder of some sort. I am wondering if people have any suggestions of exactly which one(s) and what might be going on, and also I need support.
For those with an ADHD spouse, I really need some advice. My husband has severe ADHD and, as a result, is very forgetful. I can never rely on him to remember anything (found out that the hard way: late bills, forgetting to renew his driver's license this year, etc.). I realize that this is just something I need to help him with, and I usually just do everything for him or give him consistent reminders for the things I can't do. However, when I remind him to do things, he gets angry and accuses me of nagging him when in reality I am just trying to ensure that it gets done.
Have you ever asked yourself; "Why is life so hard"? Me too! Specifically, why has it been so difficult to find any kind of balance in my marriage relationship. Balance meaning here..."Repetition"...Something stable that I can count on from day to day. Well what I coming to realize is most of my pain was in direct response to my efforts to find (or force would more accurately stated) the answer to my question. When the answer to my question was and always has been....There will be no balance!...
Just found this at the main page of the site...I guess this could be one more piece of the puzzle as to how/why my son has ADHD. He was in the ICU for several days as a newborn, since the labor was difficult and they thought he might be at risk. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/308612.php I didn't like being separated from my baby and I argued with the doctor that I wanted to take him home.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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