How do you heal a marriage? how do you explain you don't mean for your ADHD to hurt them? Especially when you didn't even know you had ADHD. My husband perceived my actions as rejection but that was never my intent.
Bear with me, there is a point to this.
I moved this topic that evolved from a different thread to address what I realized is directly related to my anger and why I experience it. It is, at the source....out of frustration at the core....but it's a frustration that never gets resolved and therefore....will fester into anger. I think the experience of having ADHD that is frustrating in itself let alone any added frustration. At times this can be overwhelming and it can all come crashing down on you when you lose your ability to tolerate IT anymore. What is IT? Read further....
Proving a Negative ie: Russel's Teapot
After several day's of quiet reflection and thought concerning our struggles. I've come to the conclusion my wife is unapproachable...It hasn't stopped me from trying for 7+ years...But the fruit of my attempts hasn't changed much of anything for the better anyway....
ADH9er,
I truly Ibelieve there was not anything my spouse - ADH9er - could do while I struggled and learned and healed myself - through counseling - for eating disorders and the unhealthy characteristics of being the adult child of an alcoholic. It was a difficult awful road of searching for answers. For quite a while, the scales were tipped to my side.
What I am hoping to realize in supporting you in your efforts is, based on information that was gleaned from our original ADHD & Marriage sessions in 2012:
Been with my wife for 5.5 years. Married almost 2.
Last few years have been pretty bad.
i listened to the author for an hour on YouTube and also read the book. I felt to totally inspired and felt hope for the first time in a long time. It was quickly squashed when my non - ADHD spouse told me she didn't want to listen to YouTube interview I found or read the book with me. I tried really hard to ask for some time with her to do this because she has been so stone walled with me and when she said yes I was so happy. But of course when I got home from work I was so worked up over feeling like I was going to say the wrong thing or mess it up and of course it happened.
I know this subject has been posted on, some time back, but I'd like to post a little more about it. An article came across my computer about passive-aggressive men, and even though my husband has severe ADHD, he is ALSO extremely passive aggressive. I read for at least 2 hours on everything I could find on passive-aggressiveness, and he does almost everything someone does when they have PA behavior. There's been so many things, I've been trying to figure out.........is he narcissistic.........is he bi-polar.......anything to explain his "absence" in our relationship.
I’m just dropping in because I’m curious about how everyone handles their ADHD partner’s mood swings / anger / tantrums. I understand each situation is different, but what I’m questioning for myself is when things escalate (and I mean, he starts taking his stress and anger out on me, arguing, snapping at everything), whether leaving the room and waiting for him to just “get over it” is unsupportive and avoiding dealing with things, even if remaining supportive and trying to talk him through and put up with it makes me feel like I’m stringing myself up to be a punching bag.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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