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The thing I learned most in my long life is this:

You ARE the company you keep.  

This is the notion I will drum into my children and grandchildren (and also myself): If you spend most of your time with people who exude integrity, joy, honesty, work ethic, faith and soul, you will assume the language and habits of these qualities yourself.  If you spend most of your time with lazy, lying, irresponsible people you will adopt the language and habits of those qualities yourself.  

 

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A few days ago, my husband actually answered the phone. We talked about the divorce forms, which he might or might not sign and submit. (He said he would, but follow through is an issue; yes, that's from ADHD.) I'm not holding my breath. What took my breath away and left me in tears for much of the day was his tone of bewilderment when I said that my life is crushed. He said, "Why?" I tried to explain: the destruction of our marriage, which I tried so hard to save; and then when I finally decided to pull the plug, his efforts to obstruct the process.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my long distance relationship with my fianceé. He had been very distant for a couple of weeks before, but last week he started communicating more and I was happy for it.

My ex-wife showed almost everyone of the classic Adhd symptoms in adult women. Always misplacing things, house a mess, clothes in piles, money randomly placed around house, empty cigarette cartons in different of clothes drawers,curling irons left on consistantly. I could go on & on regarding her symptoms. After doing lots of research on this subject, i finally realized what our issues were caused from in our marriage of 8 years. We were madly in love the first couple of years. Then after having 2 children starting 1 year after our marriage things started to change.

I am new to this website and keep seeing Melissa Orlov state the following: "couples that are well educated about how to manage the impact of ADHD can thrive together"  However, everything I am reading is to the contrary and doesn't give me much hope, Where are the testimonials from all of the "thriving couples"???

Lastnight my ADHD husband tried to pick a fight with me in the store. He was tired from working long hours and was clearly a grumpy child in need of a nap. He's also as violent as a 5yr old, mind you. He'll punch walls, swear enough to make a sailor blush, swing his arms wildly, and give people death stares when HE hits THEM. Not to mention try to pick fights. He started to pick one with ME last night, by claiming that I was looking at the space between his eyes? He looked like he was about to raise his fist and sock me one.

The most frustrating part of dealing with an ADHD spouse is their mind is so scattered that they don't realize their mind is scattered. The excuses, defensiveness, and the absurd circular logic is mind boggling. Nobody can possibly defend this position without creating some kind of weird alternate reality for themselves. They are normal, it is the rest of us who are crazy.

     My husband and I are currently  separated, but when he took me to the doctor a few days ago we had a series of good talks. He is looking for an ADHD coach, and he's finally, finally admitting the ADHD is affecting him more than he wanted to admit. He also told me he is scared he's going to find out he might be worse than his schizophrenic brother and bipolar mother.  I think fear has driven several of his behaviors that he hasnt wanted to face.