Recent forum posts (all topics)

There are some dynamics/behaviors/things in my relationship I want to change.  Yep, I do.  Change can only be accomplished if a person wants to change.  

I learned a long hard lesson that took many years to get firmly embedded in my life.  .  I spent years changing to please my spouse, and anyone/everyone else.  I wanted to be likeable - actually, I wanted EVERYONE to like me.  I thought my world would come to an end if someone did not like me.  How did I develop that 'ideal''?  Oh, I guess it had to do with my family dynamics and how I became a people pleaser. 

I read through this forum when I was engaged (note previous tense) to a man with ADHD.  I noticed that many people posting on this forum were considering leaving their spouse.  I was considering the same.  As with most relationships, we had our adventurous moments (probably because of the ADHD) and terrible moments where angry outbursts were more hurtful than I could have ever imagined.  Letting go of a relationship soured by ADHD was the best decision that I have ever made (and will never regret).  I could relate to nearly every post on this forum.

Wow!   I just Googled "emotional manipulation".  LOTS to find about this.  

Other than also having ADD, this is what my H is:  An emotional manipulator. 

ADHD is a real asshole.

So once again the illogical nature of the ADHD brain shows itself.  My 17 YO old son is in a weekend waterpolo tournament at a high school about 45 minutes away in no traffic.  Last night DH drove out to the tourney at 5pm (cannot imagine what the traffic was like) even though our son was not playing in the games last night, which we knew ahead of time, Dear Son just has to be there to support his team. The tourney continues today and today our son will play in a few of the games through out the day.

Still battling with DH's symptoms after all these years. Finally got him in for an assessment with Dr. Bilkey in Barrie, ON. Of course I had to arrange it, after months of DH never quite getting around to it. Then of course, we were 40 minutes late, because DH did not confirm the correct location before we left..., and then, DH came out with a negative diagnosis - which almost ended our marriage. I had told my husband prior to his assessment, that I hoped he had ADHD, because if he didn't, he was just an asshole. So, after the negative diagnosis, it seemed, he was just an asshole.

Hello,

This concept was brought up in Melissa's seminar course that my wife and I recently took. The second she mentioned it in the course....I knew exactly what she was talking about. The weird thing about this is....it's not a "feeling" of being devalued or "small" in terms of how you think about yourself. It's more in terms of physical "space" or personal "space" that you inhabit and therefore...is not "small" as in feeling worthless in that respect. It has more of a feeling like the walls are closing in around you and your "world" is getting smaller not you in that respect.

I have posted in the past trying to find a place to make sense of what is happening in my life and my marriage.  Although I've continued using this site as a place to read and reflect, I haven't posted in some time.  My husband and I have since seen a therapist and honestly things have gotten worse.  He finally took the suggestion of the therapist and began taking Straterra.  It was a bust.  The raging, ranting, and blaming went through the roof for about a month.  I thought it was bad before, but it was pure torture.

The thing I learned most in my long life is this:

You ARE the company you keep.  

This is the notion I will drum into my children and grandchildren (and also myself): If you spend most of your time with people who exude integrity, joy, honesty, work ethic, faith and soul, you will assume the language and habits of these qualities yourself.  If you spend most of your time with lazy, lying, irresponsible people you will adopt the language and habits of those qualities yourself.