Recent forum posts (all topics)

How to set boundaries when you need rest and your spouse asks you a million questions and has expectations all the time? 

I (35M ADHD) and my husband (35M non-adhd) have been together 10 years, 5 married. 

We have been going through the same issues for years. What do I do differently?

Please Help. 

Hello. I am really struggling with what to do. I am married to an ADHD partner and we have young kids. My partner has been out of adderall for a week, since they missed an appointment with their prescriber. (this is not the first time this has happened, and I suspect that my partner is probably using up all their chances with this prescriber). For the first 5 days, my partner said they hadn't heard back from the prescriber.

I spend lots of time and energy adapting my world-view and approach-to-life to better fit with my wife and son, both of whom have ADHD.  I have learned a lot about how ADHD people think and I use that knowledge fairly well.  But it's really just me doing that work.  They don't seem to have the ability to understand the impacts they're having on me.  That was a big focus from The ADHD Effect on Marriage so nothing new there.

My question is: Do ADHD people have the capacity to put themselves in the shoes of a non-ADHD person?

The ADHD person's self-focus seems to be the overwhelming factor that drives the biggest problems for others.  Will they ever think of me first, like I am always doing for them?

A while back on this forum, it was mentioned that sometimes, folks with ADHD can be very fastidious, neat, tidy and organized. I for one...have been the type that has struggled ( life long )  with clutter, disorganization of my living spaces, not cleaning messes, not picking up as I go, not folding clothes and putting then away, dropping things where they land ( all over ) and generally speaking...I've been a mess! I might be what you'd consider a classic ADHD male when it comes to home duties and organization.

I ended my relationship of 7 years, 5 months ago - after years of a parent-child dynamic, an incident of infidelity, and several incidents of painful impulsive behaviours. 

The next logical step in our relationship would have been children which he wanted. But after feeling unsupported and unequal for many years and a series of impulsive incidents over the summer including drink driving - I began to feel as though I couldn't trust my ex to be reliable if we were to start a family.