So like many non-ADHD spouses on this forum, I struggle with acceptance. My counselor and I have been working on this a LOT--how to accept my ADHD DH for who he is-period. Not who I wish he would be-after all, he has been this way for the entire 20 years of our marriage, so why is it bothering me so much now?
My whole relationship with my ADHD spouse can be explained with one word...tired. In fact, that is the one word he knows from me time and time again. He is going to be 35 in July, and we have been together off and on for nine years. I will be honest I have dissociative identity disorder, and the switches can be terrifying and unsettling. My own mental health is often unstable, and I feel guilty. My husband often claims he is abused, unloved, mistreated, and he doesn't deserve this to happen to him.
Hello - I am new to this forum and very grateful that it exists ! Brief as possible, my story: I am 59 married to a 61 year old man for about 3 years together 7 years. About a year after I inherited some money, my husband just stopped working. He works freelance from home, and he just stopped. Since then we have gone through much of my inherited money (I bought us a house and furnished it) because he has NO income. On top of this I discovered that he had lied to me about his finances before we married,as I asked for full financial disclosure.
I realized today what the overwhelming feeling I had living with my ADD ex was...pessimism.
I felt like all the dreams and goals I had before we met, were no longer attainable, nor obtainable.
I felt like the lifestyle I lived when I was single, was now entirely compromised.
Things like nice vacations, saving for retirement, home improvement projects, etc., all GONE with him.
Not for here pity or self-indulgent sentiment, just trying to understand and learn because currently I'm at a loss because all of this is foreign to me.
I have so much to say here, but not sure where to start! All I know is that this is my husband: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/20-things-remember-you-love-person-with-add.html. He has 90% of these traits!!
As I've mentioned above, I'm the problem. I have ADHD and it's causing issues in my relationship. Reading some of the posts here, I see that this is maybe the incorrect forum as most forum writers appear to be the competent spouses with issue. I am the issue. I have only been married for 1 month and I already feel like my wife is losing her mind taking care of me.
I'm very new to this whole new world of information and I'm finally able to understand my reactions and responses for all these years! I can't tell you how much reading this book has been the best and at times the worst news I've ever read. I'm not alone and I firmly believe that change is possible. Now that I've been diagnosed I can pin point all the problem areas to a "T" throughout our entire marriage...Too little too late my spouse says, as he filed for divorce in November and moved out of our house shortly after.
Just a quick post to say that my wife and I had a good day together. In all my thinking, writing and processing lately....I made a reference to the movie "The Odd Couple" with Walter Mathou and Jack Lemmon saying I needed to watch it again (after 30 + years? ). I suggested it too my wife after telling her that I made this mention because I thought it was such a perfect comparison to the two of us in more ways than one. Anyway.....yesterday was movie day and we sat and watched it again with a new set of eyes.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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