Recent forum posts (all topics)

New here and could use some help....

I've been married to my husband for almost 12 years. He is a wonderful man, everyone's best friend, would give a stranger the clothes off his back, outside of the home. On the inside, I've felt like I have been going crazy for the past 12 years. I feel as though I am in constant fight or flight mode. I guess I don't understand. I've suspected for quite some time that he has ADD/ADHD but he will not get tested. We went to counseling once where he admits to having it but states he does not want to take medication and feels he can manage it.

lack of empathy

How does one deal with an ADD spouse who does not show you any empathy.  Thus, for example, when I tell him that I am developing a migraine, he does not respond because he is too busy checking his phone.  Or I text him that I am not feeling well or had a bad day and he ignores it?  I feel like he doesn't care and when I call him on it, he blames it on being busy or having ADD.  I cannot stand not getting any emotional support from my husband. 

Do you find no matter what you do, it's wrong?

I am so tired of trying to guess what I should do around H. Like Saturday he was working in the garage, so I felt like I had to do something too or he'd be all uppity that he's actually fixing things while I do nothing. So I mowed the yard. Luckily he was too busy to correct me on the way I was doing it. Then I was done and he was still working in the garage. I felt like I needed to go around and tidy up stuff in there. He didn't say anything but I felt like I was in the way. I asked if he needed my help with anything and he said no so I went inside.

Of course I couldn't do it right!

H is building some shelves out in the garage. Oh I knew I was going to do a multitude of things wrong when he asked for help. I only had to hold a board level a few times while he drilled some screws in. Well as you can imagine, I certainly couldn't do that without him telling me I was either holding it to tight or not tight enough! Then came the big thing which he explicitly explained to me like I was 10 years old. I was going to have to hold the other end of the board as it came through the electric saw. I was going to have to hold it level with his end or it wouldn't go through.

ADHD partner blames me always

Hello my boyfriend A recently broke up with me and i was with him for 2 years we had a normal happy fun loving relationship when he was happy until he got in a mood,mad,stressed,piss,frustrated then it all went out the window.  He constantly reminds me of my past all my wrong doings but this was before him .

Is this an ADHD trait or just a general (unpleasant!) character trait?

Is 'clamming up' during stressful or difficult conversations linked with ADHD or is that just an individual character trait?

For a long, long time our 'conversations' have consisted of me talking and him supposedly listening. Even serious conversations about our ill daughter evokes the same response. Total silence. He will get off his chair and walk round the room or stretch or do something else physical but there is no verbal response. 

Lack of Commitment

My partner and I have been together for the past 5 years.  We are not married but have made steps towards marriage, planning a family, and recently bought a home together.  Our lives have countless personal and financial ties that make our relationships possible end very hard to sort out.  I am not interested in an end to the relationship because I love my partner despite the personal labeling of "I'm selfish."  My partner will put friends and spur of the moment activities before family functions or personal plans.  If a friend or coworker calls for a beer- my partner is out the door in a s

grief ---relief

I am tired of dealing with it all.  The emotional infidelity, the messiness, the financial mess.  All of it.  And because of our financial situation, I am stuck.  I go back and forth- not even sure if I love this man.  And when I think I do love him, something happens and I get slapped in the face (emotionally).  If somehow we end up apart, there will be grief over the loss.  18 years of marriage.  The person I thought I would be with for the rest of my life, gone.  Grief for my youngest son who would be devastated if his parents were no longer together.  But then there would be relief.  No

things that helped

We learned husband has diagnosed ADD 17 years in, I seem ok.  By then we were on our #4 round of counseling and I shared this elsewhere, we are now on our 5th..  I want to share tools we used to cope long before we knew of it.  I had been working part time as an organizer before we married, this was a huge help. Find help if you can't do it.  Also previous to marriage I had been his boss at full time job so I knew him in a different area of our lives.  He went on to a better job and we married a couple years later.

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