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I am new to this forum but thought I would ask for some advice from all of you relating to ADHD.

My partner is ADHD, we have a happy house, similar life goals, similar careers, good friend base, and apparently have crossed bridges that he has never crossed with anyone else. He has previously dated girls and ended things with them after 2 months moving on to the next one. He discussed this with me at length and was adamant that with me we have broken through it. He discussed the future with me, marriage, children, careers, and life. I felt truly special.

I think the biggest shock to my system was the lack of order....How many of you are planner's and like order, structure and systems in your daily living of life?

My fiance broke up with me after 13 years together. He said he had a lifecrises.

I didnt understand he had ADHD until after the breakup. I used to blame myself

 getting angry when he didnt listen and left me alone focusing 

on his work for days. 

The first years together he had his focus on me and he was spontaneus, fun and unconventional. Things were very good. Then he started to get

distracted, focusing on other things and the relation  got worse. He often misunderstood me.

He also had OCD and got more and more controlling.

When he goes out to get fast food, he NEVER comes back with he right stuff.  Then he gets pissed..SUPER pissed.  He tries to blame the people working there, but it always seems like he is really blaming himself.  I never seem to have the same issue. 

Recently, I was with him in the car and I didn't understand at first what he was ordering, he was saying it all wacky and I could see how the people inside would be confused.  Because I am learning to speak his language, I could see what he was doing though. 

I took a lot of responsibility for my spouse's stuff. It was how I developed my marriage into a parent/child relationship. For more than the past year, I had - HAD - to let go of him all together. His anger.  His ADHD.  I made my plan to love him as a person and the father of our children - but plan my own life going forward without him. His stuff says NOTHING about me, but everything about him. I chose to work on my stuff.  My spouse has to work on his.  A broken relationship is just that - a broken relationship.

I was curious, for those of you who have significant others that are taking medication, is that a double edged sword?  The only time I have ever known my SO without meds was during pregnancy.  I gotta tell you, that was the best times between us, but hard on her for work.  It was hard for her to concentrate.   However, she was happy, fun, and easygoing.  Then, after she was done breastfeeding, she started again with the meds.  At first it was just on days when there was a big project, and now its every day.  Now she seems like she is emotionless.  Constantly working.  This is great for us f

Sometimes we need to say what is on our minds to be authentic and true to ourselves. Sometimes we need to hold our tongue and let things go.

Another question here: My ADHD husband spends an EXHAUSTIVE amount of time worrying about everything. He is now (thankfully) doing many more things around the house that he wouldn't ever do before, but BEFORE he does them, he has to WORRY several days or weeks about it....BEFORE he actually DOES the thing he's supposed to do. This shows up when he has to fix something that's broken, or call someone on the phone, or go to the store or bank.....pretty much anything.

I am a 41 year old female married for 19 years, i have not been diagnosed officially, and my husband has been committing financial and emotional abuse the entire time, and deception takes two. I can tell you the whole story from my slanted view, but i really need help with what he just did yesterday.