Recent forum posts (all topics)

Actually, I think a better title for this is "Why didn't you not marry X, given that you're so unhappy with X now?"

I married my H because I was young, idealistic, and stupid.  Being idealistic and not a fortune-teller, I didn't know that the following things would happen after we got married.  If these things had happened before we got married, I hope I would have been brave enough to not follow through with getting married.

H cheated on our taxes one year.

My husband was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. When I met him (he's 30), he was taking big dosages of Ritalin, which made him act a bit detached and zomby-like. I noticed that when he wasn't on medication, he was still very focused, able to concentrate on details etc. I thought that he should not take the meds, and his doctor stopped prescribing them anyway. However, after a year and a half that we've been living in a small apartment and we both have jobs that can be mostly done from home, I realized that we talk all day long.

Why would he do that? I ask myself that question to just about everything my ADHD H does. He consistently does things that are so inconsiderate and I swear half the time it’s not on purpose because he doesn’t even try and hide it. It’s just like he can’t think thru his actions and even consider if I would be hurt or offended or upset by his actions. The only thing that matters is his wants and needs.

My husband and I have been together for 15 years and married for almost 11.  We had our son five years ago.  We've always had issues in our relationship.  However, those issues seemed to come to head when we had our son.  I could no longer carry the burden of taking care of everything without consistant support.  My husband and I entered counseling when our serious marital issues developed.  Counseling helped in some aspects.  However, in many aspects, I feel it made our situation worse.  We went though two counselors that were completely worthless before finding a great counselor.  However

My husband is 43, almost 44 and recently learned that he T is low. Is this part of his issue and will medication react with Adderall?

Hello! I've lurked on this site for a while, but never posted before. My husband has adhd and of course it's an issue, but since we've had kids I can't ignore the "little things" anymore but he is acting like I'm just nagging him for no reason and that he's a victim to my hangups. We have kids now. Time is a huge issue and I need breaks. If we go anwhere or do annything I have to nag him the entire day before we are out the door or we won't make it. We have two toddlers. It takes 15 minutes to put on their shoes. He was always late, but now we end up missing events altogether.

As the NON ADD partner, I have been thinking a lot about people's maturity, naiveté, having fun vs responsibility...that kind of thing in general.  I had been thinking of myself as a responsible worrier and seeing dh as a child-like imp in our relationship.  But how have I been childlike?

It is time I look at that and help MYSELF GROW UP.  I will list the positive ways a mature person handles things and strive for being more mature MYSELF, in general and in all my relationships.

For the past few months, I have tried a new tactic.  As soon as H would start yelling, I would leave and not come back for a day or two.  

 

For awhile, H would just get angrier and more verbally threatening, this is what is called an Extinction Burst.  When the Non sets a Boundary, the mentally-unhealthy person will "kick it up a notch" hoping that you'll give up your boundary.  I held firm.  

 

Please don't be turned off by the fact that this blog post is written by a woman, has "divorce" in the blog title, and refers to "emotional abuse."  I think it presents very good suggestions for anyone in a difficult relationship, whether man or woman; person with ADHD or not; considering divorce or not.  

http://www.womansdivorce.com/emotionally-abusive-relationships.html

What do they say.....only a fool represent themselves in a court of law?  That's what happened this morning and this is my conclusion.  I'm a fool to engage my wife at all when she opens with....I want to talk.  Bullshit!  You want to debate in legal court with you being the prosecuting attorney and me being the defendant.  "Nice shoot'in soldier but two can play at that game".  (This is an informative vent on how not to talk to your spouse unless you want to piss them off......first objection.....BADGERING THE WITNESS!!