Recent forum posts (all topics)

I really wish some of those with ADD could help me to maybe understand this communication issue.  My husband always hated it when I would talk about how I felt.  He would always say, "I don't want to argue".  Even when our older son would express his feeling, sometimes crying, sometimes sobbing, due to his ADD/depression my husband would sit there stone faced and say not one word.  Once when our teenage daughter was going through the 'rude' stage, my husband actually didn't say a word to her for a month.  My husband once told me about a couple he knew who would 'talk it out' when they were

DH and I have been married 29 yrs. I knew within a couple of months that something was different with him. He was diagnosed about 10 years later, tried one med, said it didn't work and dropped the whole thing.  For the past 29 years I have been the responsible one.  He  has kept a job for the last 15 yrs (the first 14 were horrendous job-wise) but other than that everything has been on my shoulders. If something is done it is because I did it or reminded until it was done.  It has been very stressful. 

My husband and I have struggled financially for several years. He has gone from job to job. My mother came to live with us as support and it's good for me because she keeps me sane and she is a kind helpful person. My husband has taken advantage if her by getting her to put a car in her name and then it got repossessed. Put electricity in her name and he got behind so they came after her and she paid and even got tires for car and never paid. She cooks cleans and helps and I know normally mother in laws can be a nightmare but she is not.

I've posted many times in this forum about my DH; he's been in and out of work the entire time we've been married for 22 years. 

Right now he's going on year three of unemployment. He was briefly hired at a GREAT job, but was fired after one week. 

He does a lot of stuff around the house, so that's good. Helps with the kids. 

He *does* want to work, however, the field he stumbled into many years ago is not a good fit. His skills are severely outdated and he can't focus long enough to update them. 

I'm getting much better at initiating conversations where I feel something needs to be addressed.  This is due to a number of reasons:

1.  I feel calmer and clearer mentally, and can sustain a conversation with a little emotional weight to it better than before.  My diet, vitamins/supplements, and medication all help with that.

2.  Due to the success above, I feel confident that I either won't fly off the handle or will be able to re-route myself and apologize if I snap a bit.

For the past year, my husband and I have been working together to limit my (mindless) spending.  I never used to count myself as a big spender because I don't buy things for me generally, but for the kids and the house.  However, it really added up and something needed to be done about it.  Well, after a year of living frugally, we have saved so much money that my husband, who has far more financial and budgetary acumen than me, said we have enough for a family trip to Disney World, and plenty of money saved on top of that.  

When I started looking at this site after reading the book and seeing our frustrating relationship story being told over and over by strangers, I went through several emotions including relief that I was not  alone, anger that this could be done to me, anger that this is what my relationship had become, fear that it would not even be better and hopelessness that I could never see a change in our relationship, the man I loved and father of my children.

If I had posted last week, this would not have been a story of hope.  My ADD sweetie came home from therapy Thursday night announcing she was going to go to Cleveland (from Boston) to see her dad the next day before getting on a plane today to fly to Israel.  Her therapist was fully supportive of this idea and had even gone online to check bus and plane schedules.  According to my sweet friend, her therapist also said that if I really loved her that I would support her need to go see her dad.  The most painful part of this for me was that I was completely shut out of the process.

Can anyone offer ideas on how to bring up a very sensitive topic to my ADHD spouse? He is very private and was recently diagnosed with ADHD. No one in our family knows about it and I don't foresee that changing in the near future. While I have gotten a lot of support from books, research and forums, I feel I need to belong to a group to get more support. I am not sure if there is a support group for the NON-ADHD spouse in my area, but I would like to try to find one. I brought this up with my husband and it did not go well at all.