Out of five people in my family, three have been diagnosed with ADHD. My eldest son was diagnosed in college, and he still rebels against the diagnosis, refusing treatment just like his father. I am sad as I watch him struggle in areas that might be easier with help.
Has anyone experienced their ADHD partner lying about money?
My husband and I been married for 12 years. The 8 years have been very rough and not very good. We fight constantly and he blames me for his problems. He's had ADHD since he was very young. He recently went to a doctor and got medication and doesn't seem to be helping. When he loses something he goes straight to me and starts blaming me for misplacing something he put down 30 seconds early. I get tired of it. He's become very angry and has placed a lot his angry to me. I've always been a very happy person and easy going. Being around him makes me feel a lot angry and upset.
I have been engaged for approximately one year to a man with ADHD. We have been in a relationship for three years. At first I did not notice his symptoms; I thought he was just very energetic and spontaneous. After knowing him for three years now, I am beginning to realize that these qualities are not going to change. He is extremely messy and rarely helps with chores. He had a gambling problem which stopped, however I am always afraid that it will return. He is been pulled over numerous times for speeding and had his license revoked. He also seems to be addicted to pornography.
So if you read an earlier post of mine from this morning you'll see that H once again didn't go into work today. He had a root canal appt at 10:45 but I see his text to his boss this morning at 4AM stated that he had a dentist appt at 7AM and didn't know how long he would be. Okay...a 7AM dentist appt? They don't even open around here until 8AM! He never did call or text after that about not going in even though he never went in to work. How does that work?! How does this man still have a job??
The newsletter talked about being disconnected. That you have to share your thoughts, feelings, etc with your partner. But of course you have to feel safe in your relationship to do so. I don't think I feel "safe" in my relationship. If I share my feelings to my ADHD spouse, I either get yelled at, ignored, or made fun of. If I ask my spouse's opinion about something, I get a sarcastic remark in return. It all makes for very difficult communication.
Many of us on this forum are here because we are at our wits end. I assume there are many spouses of ADDers out there who are NOT on this site who are able to negotiate, partner, support without fear of power imbalance and trust their ADD or ADHD partners. We are here because something is wrong with the partnership and we are at a loss about what it is and what to do about it. If our ADD partner is denying, fighting and isolating, we are being rejected and ignored as an equal partner in their lives.....in the life of our marriage.
I really wish I understood how his mind works. I thought today was going to be another day of not going to work--they are so frequent now that I don't even get upset about it with him anymore because it is too draining. He got up at 4AM and sat on the bed like he was really tired and then reset the alarm. Well that's usually the kiss of death right there because he hasn't gone in late in a year and either goes in on time or doesn't go in at all. But he surprises me and gets up at 4:30 and goes in. I figured he'd either come home early or come home at his regular time and take a nap. Nope.
I'm not sure how much more I can take. I'm really not handling things well because my patience is worn so thin. This morning my husband had a job interview and because he had misplaced several things he needed to take with him, and because he only allowed a half hour to eat breakfast and get dressed and organized, he barely made it to his appointment on time. He is almost always late and he is always loosing things. This started my day on a bad note because I was trying to get ready for work and had to stop everything and help him get out the door. Like having a child!
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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