Recent forum posts (all topics)

I filed for a legal separation four months ago.  I told my husband immediately.  I served him with the papers two months ago.  I asked him to move out of our house temporarily for the autumn (for various reasons, including that our children aren't around, this seemed like a good time to try out a physical separation).  

I've told my husband that my feelings are still mixed about staying together versus splitting; I've told him about the things about the marriage that disappoint me.  

Hi all - 

I don't know where to start... I have so many emotions, thoughts, questions... I can't believe I have been married to my husband for 24 years and know just seriously considered  that what we have experienced through our marriage, but even more importantly what he has experienced himself is ADHD. So much of it makes sense and I feel blindsided, cheated, relieved, regretful ,etc. all at once. He hasn't been diagnosed yet but the experiences described in this site and the book ( the ADHD effect on marriage, which I purchased and am reading) are too close for comfort.

I have been doing pretty well navigating a separation and upcoming divorce from my spouse with untreated ADHD. As we co-parent and are finally on friendly terms after years of strife and dysfunction, I frequently do a balancing act of advocating for what my children and I need and being understanding of my spouse's significant issues. One thing is still pretty tough for me, though, and this week it made me so nuts I had to go drive around in my car and yell with the windows up for a while. 

What do you want in a spouse?  

Dh seems to want sex for his release, my adoration, my respect, laughter, eroticism, cute flirting, freedom to do what he wants the way he wants to do it, no criticism, no discussion other than joking, no talking about finances, someone to take care of finances and to make a home for him, freedom to come and go,  a drinking partner. He just wants us to enjoy ourselves.....in essence, to me, that is singlehood (or boyhood).  This is what I gave him for decades. My mistake.

My partner is 32 and has struggled immensely with adhd his whole life but has only recently been diagnosed. Due to late diagnosis he has picked up every bad behaviour/way of coping imaginable. He cannot control his anger nor unpredictable mood swings, he has a low self esteem.

I dont know how much longer I can go without affection, attention or a feeling that Im loved by my ADHD boyfriend. We've been together for over 3 years and have a 17 month old daughter and I have an 11 year old son from a previous relationship that is very close to my boyfriend. So I have every reason to want to make this work. But how long can a person go feeling completely ignored?? I'm asking anyone with experience in a situation such as this how they find a way not to take it to heart. Because I do. I've tried everything to get his attention but nothing seems to work.

It's been a few months since I last posted on this site.  Since then I have tried to make it seem like a good decision to give up a well-paying job in order to allow my ADHD wife could have some space between her and her mother; I think because she doesn't feel like a woman around her.

I was diagnosed a little over 2 years ago. 

If anyone has any books to recommend or advise please feel free to let me know. I want to find out as much as I can about this.

Thank You

I just finished the book "The ADHD Effect on Marriage" on 9/22/13. Great Book! I just started reading "Is it You, Me, or Adult A.D.D." .

I am going to slowly start posting here. Its a process for me putting myself out on a public forum. The biggest thing I have discovered in my case is that medicine isn't enough. Treatment, Exercise, and Reclaiming myself is important too.